Amidst the chaos of shared spaces and tentative relationships, a mother’s unwavering devotion shines through the cracks of hardship. The delicate dance of protecting Emi’s small joys while navigating the complexities of blended family life reveals a profound story of resilience, sacrifice, and unbreakable bonds.
I’m a single mom to Emi (6). Emi is my only child. She’s been sick since she was 2, and if I’m going to be honest, she likely won’t make it to 10. Her dad left us when she got sick.
Emi spends one week in the hospital then a week at home. Because of this, the last time I was able to send her to school was 2 years ago when we were able to do preschool 3 hours a day, 2 days a week, and they still wore masks.
Now the only time she’s around other kids is when she’s in the hospital.
Emi hates sharing her toys so I try not to make her do it. Usually when we see her cousins, I’ll buy something like a big pack of chalk and a gallon of bubbles and I’ll tell her it’s for everybody but that’s the only time she’ll share.
My sister and her 2 daughters (5 and 7) are living with us temporarily. It’s been difficult for everyone. At first I switched rooms with Emi and we put all 3 girls in the master but Emi hated sharing rooms and said the girls were always touching her stuff so we switched back and I put the girls in the spare room with their mom.
My sister was complaining that the room was too crowded so she’s staying on a cot in my office but apparently that’s also uncomfortable so she wants the girls to share again. My sister does not pay any rent.
Her husband sends $500 a month to help pay for their groceries and she helps with Emi while I’m working (my job is pretty flexible so I’m able to watch her while I work). They’ve also been complaining that I take Emi on day/weekend trips without them.
Emi just spent the week in the hospital and we came home on Saturday. My nieces beds were moved into Emi’s room and her toys were everywhere. I confronted my sister and she said Emi isn’t using her room or her toys half the time and that little girls should be sharing with each other.
I told her that Emi has already made it clear that she does not want to share her room or her toys, and that her room needs to be the way we left it by the end of the day.
She says I’m being unfair so I snapped at her that I will be prioritizing my kid over her ungrateful self and her kids and that if she can’t get over my kid not sharing she needs to find somewhere else to live.
They did fix Emi’s room but they haven’t been talking to us. At this point I’m thinking about kicking them out anyways. AITA for telling her she needs to get over my kid not sharing or move out?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) faced a significant conflict between defending her critically ill daughter’s deeply held need for personal space and control over her few possessions, and the expectations of her temporarily housing sister regarding shared living arrangements. The OP prioritized her daughter’s emotional comfort and established boundaries, resulting in a harsh ultimatum given to her sister.
Was the OP justified in setting such a firm boundary regarding her daughter’s room and possessions, even leading to the potential eviction of her sister, or did the sister’s temporary dependency and family relationship warrant greater tolerance for shared living inconvenience? The core debate centers on prioritizing the specific, fragile needs of a sick child against the practical demands of temporary family cohabitation.
Here’s how people reacted:
Honestly, if I can home and found the girls beds in Emi’s room and her stuff strewn about I’d have gone to the kitchen, gotten three trashbags and the kitchen time and told them they had 30 minutes to get all of the stuff into the bags and get out of my house.
You are a much better person than me to have given them another chance.
You need to give your sister two choices. Sleep in their assigned rooms and leave Emi’s stuff alone OR pack their stuff and get out. Be clear there’s no third choice and there won’t be another second chance if the intrusion (or her badgering you) happens again.
I can’t vote anyone AH here, because I think you’re all reacting with big emotions to some very sad circumstances. I think probably the best thing would be for your sister to move back into the home with her girls and your BIL and his son to move out temporarily.
Both of you are prioritizing your own kids in a hard time. Your daughter is sick (very sorry you are both going through this), but it doesn’t seem that your sister is in a great place either. The kids are being moved around and both of you are trying to make the best situation of what’s going on.
Your nieces aren’t in a good place either. It must not be easy to know there is a room full of toys that they can’t touch for days on end. You are trying to make it as easy as possible for Emi.
This is temporary and I think you and your sis need to talk about what’s the best course of action for the short remainder.
Emi *does* share. It doesn’t sound like she has a problem with sharing group activities and toys at all. It doesn’t sound like she’s hoarding the chalk and bubbles or taking them out of her cousins hands and throwing fits.
If she had invited her cousins into her room to play with her toys then yes, she would need to share nicely. But she has not invited them into her room and she has not invited them to play with the toys in her room. Sharing is not “I decide I want to play with *your* toys and you have to let me. Sharing is not keeping or taking all of a communal item, taking turns with communal itens, or deciding on your own to allow others to use your personal items.
Not only is it your house, your rules, but the lack of appreciation from your sister is outrageous. She knew your and Emi’s situation when she NEEDED to find a place to stay. You provided one and put out clear boundaries. She (not willing to blame her 5 & 7 yo) refused to comply and not only disregarded your boundaries COULD NOT even clean up after HER mess until Emi had to see the disrespect as well. If she can’t follow the rules and is not appreciative then she should be with other family or friend or make it on her own (because obviously she does not want to live with your rules in your home).
Set out clear rules that need to be followed for your sister to stay in your home. Do it in writing, have her read and sign each paragraph, and lay out the consequences for non-compliance.
Get a lock for Emi’s door with a key code so that keys aren’t an issue but they can’t get in when you and Emi aren’t home.
If she won’t follow the rules of the house, she can leave.
Your sister AND her children need a reality check. Here is the way to explain it to your sister AND her children.
Emi is sick. That sickness has control of her life. She can’t do anything about it. It’s scary having to change places all the time. The one thing Emi can do is make a safe place for herself, so things aren’t as scary when she’s at home.
That safe place, where things aren’t as scary, is her room and her toys. By taking or being in her room and playing with her toys, you make her safe place scary.
I also suggest a field trip to the hospital when Emi is there.
They are being inconsiderate and treating your daughter’s belongings without respect for what she wants. It’s time they found a more “convenient” place to live if they can’t respect you guys in your home.
My best wishes, love and prayers for strength for you and your little one
You made it clear to your sister that your daughter has boundaries (and good on you for sticking to them!) and she still disrespected them. While she was in the hospital, no less. The only thing that I can think would make you TA here is your sister’s children- why do they live apart from their father? Is he and your sister on a break since you referred to him as her husband still? Regardless, kicking out your adult sister would be one thing, but if that further uproots her daughters I would say you’re a bit of an A.
Normally I would say kids need to share and letting them have their way is setting them up for failure, but this isn’t a typical situation. Emi has possibly 4 yrs left to live her life that hasn’t begun – typical rules/child raising just doesn’t apply.
If your sister is unhappy with the accommodations, then she needs to find new accommodations.
I’m so sorry for your daughter.
YET, you were willing to move 3 more people into your house, two of which attend school? And she was put in a room with two other children? And she goes on several trips? And she only went to school during covid because of masks?
This is…
Where is her husband during all of this? Why aren’t they staying with him?
Also I’m very sorry that your daughter is so unwell
Your sister was wrong to touch Emi’s toys while she was not there and move her room, but also you for teaching your daughter that is ok to be so selfish.
This living arrangement is clearly not working. Give your sister official notice that she needs to find other accommodation ASAP.