In the wake of her latest loss, the fragile threads of family support fray when her sister’s cold dismissal cuts deep, turning a moment of raw vulnerability into a storm of pain and misunderstanding. What was once a bond of empathy now feels like a harsh reminder of isolation, as she grapples with guilt, grief, and the silent question of why her body has betrayed her so cruelly.
I (F32) have been trying to get pregnant for seven years now and have been unsuccessful. Diagnosed with PCOS later in life, I’ve had five miscarriages that have taken a massive toll on my physical and mental health.
It has left me feeling like a massive failure as my partner (M36) desperately wants children and I’m unable to give him this. He never makes me feel badly about it, but I know he’s upset.
His parents are in ill health and they want grandchildren more than anything.
Recently, I had a massive argument with my sister (F34) after my last miscarriage. I was upset and asking her why this kept happening to me.
She shrugged and said it was probably to do with the abortion I had when I was 19. Honestly, I was gobsmacked at how nonchalant she sounded. She knew there had been health reasons behind it and had been supportive at the time.
I’d been so poorly that I’d needed an operation and had spent months recovering. Also, she knows how guilty I felt that I was unable to carry to full term.
I asked her what she had meant and she said that our decisions always come back to haunt us and that I needed to understand that I’d brought it on myself.
That some people just weren’t meant to have children and it was god’s way of telling us to stop. She wasn’t being mean, just blunt but my hormones were all over the place and I ended up kicking her out of my house and telling her not to contact me again.
Soon after, I got loads of phone calls from my other sister, mum and dad and even my sister’s husband basically saying I had overreacted and was being an a**hole. That I had to make things right and apologise.
I refused and haven’t spoken to any of them since.
My partner doesn’t want her back in our house anytime soon after what she said. AITA for agreeing with him over my family?
Conclusion
The original poster is experiencing intense emotional distress due to years of fertility struggles and multiple miscarriages, leading to deep feelings of failure, especially concerning her partner and in-laws’ desire for children. Her central conflict arises from the harsh, unexpected judgment from her sister regarding her past decisions, which led the OP to sever contact with her entire immediate family.
Given the deep emotional wound inflicted by the sister’s comments during a time of extreme vulnerability, was the OP justified in immediately cutting off contact with her sister and subsequently facing pressure from the rest of her family, or did she overreact to insensitive but perhaps unintended bluntness?
Here’s how people reacted:
I’ve heard some sadistic crap before, but this is way over the top. Does your sister pull the wings off houseflies, too?
For that matter, why in the hell would ANYONE defend such cruel remarks, or even worse, minimize them saying that OP “overreacted.” Nice family there, OP. That they defend hateful sludge like this says a lot about them, and none of it good.
It ain’t Karma. It’s your medical issues which likely have zero to do with a procedure you had in the past. One for what I’d assume was a reason you discussed with a medical professional. Her “woo-woo” claims are hers and hers alone, and if your warped family thinks her comments were appropriate, maybe they all need to to do without your presence.
We’ve been through this ourselves in our house. Miscarriage is not a joke, and it absolutely should never be used against another like this. I’m sorry you’re enduring this. I can only offer hope for better days ahead.
It was not empathetic what she said, but you did ask and surely you know her well enough to be aware of her beliefs systems?
In the end a low contact or no contact situation may be best if she believes that. Sometimes we need to filter out time spent with people who aren’t the most supportive.
She’s an adult, she can figure out her own living situation without having to room with people she thinks so lowly of.
BTW, I am SO SO sorry you are having difficulties. I wish you all the best in the future for a large, happy family.
Your sister was way out of line and to be honest I think your response was a lot better than mine would of been lol.
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I asked her what she had meant and she said that our decisions always come back to haunt us and that I needed to understand that I’d brought it on myself
Tell your sister her lack of empathy has come back to haunt her and brought this on her self.
I don’t blame you one bit, it was a vile thing to say…I’m childfree and even I can’t imagine anyone being so nasty about this subject.
It should be the other way around, your sister should be crawling to you with abject and sincere apologies.
She now knows firsthand about things coming back to haunt her, after that remark.
Don’t apologise, don’t take anything back and keep her out and anyone who takes her side.