Their relationship, built on trust and affection, suddenly revealed cracks through simple acts of human need. What began as a baffling choice to avoid using her bathroom spiraled into moments of awkwardness and concern, challenging her perceptions and forcing her to confront the vulnerabilities hidden behind his quiet politeness.
My (25F) boyfriend (22M) is a great and considerate guy and usually extremely well-mannered. Unfortunately, recently I learned about a really strange habit of his that concerns me. When we were just dating and he was visiting me at my apartment, he never asked to use my bathroom.
I didn’t ask if he needed to use it because I assume as an adult he would let me know like all of my friends do. A few weeks into our relationship, he told me he would pee in the bushes behind the apartment complex.
I thought this was weird. When I asked him why, he told me he didn’t want to be rude. I assumed he was just trying to be polite since he didn’t know me well then, but it still didn’t make sense to me.
(He uses my bathroom with no issues now.)
Several months after this, he visited my parents for the first time at their home. He had already met them before, but this was the first time being in their house. He was drinking a lot of water, so before we left I asked him if he needed to use their bathroom since we had a long drive ahead of us.
He said he was good. They also offered their bathroom, but he refused. We stopped at Kroger as they were closing for drinks, which was only a couple of minutes away. When he got back into his car, he drove around to the back of the building, got out, and started peeing into the grass.
He said he didn’t use the Kroger restrooms because they were closed. I was baffled that he would rather pee outside than in my parents’ clean and convenient bathroom. He said he was being respectful.
I don’t understand how using someone bathroom after they offered could be disrespectful or impolite.
We went river tubing yesterday, and rather than pee before or after in one of the many restrooms on site, he peed in the middle of the river with tons of people around. It was really quick and no one noticed.
I scolded him for peeing in a public place with children around. His explanations for peeing in weird places never satisfy me. I don’t know how common this is for men, but I think it’s abnormal.
Am I the asshole for telling him his habit is gross and disrespectful, instead of ‘polite’ like he insists?
Conclusion
The original poster is deeply concerned and confused by her boyfriend’s insistence on urinating outdoors or in unusual, public settings, despite having access to private and convenient restrooms. This behavior stems from his belief that using someone else’s facilities is inherently disrespectful or impolite, directly conflicting with the OP’s understanding of basic social courtesy and personal comfort.
Is the boyfriend’s extreme aversion to using offered indoor facilities rooted in a genuine, albeit misplaced, attempt at politeness, or does this pattern of public urination indicate a deeper issue with boundaries and social norms that the relationship cannot sustain?
Here’s how people reacted:
NTA
Peeing in the bushes or on the grass behind a store is weird, but not entirely unthinkable, especially if he has some childhood history of being told that asking for the restroom is rude. some boys in my neighborhood growing up spent their summers 100% outside, peeing in the grass and drinking from the hose. It’s a behavior I would encourage him to change, but honestly I’d feel bad for him more than anything.
Going in a public place with children around is huge issue though. Depending on the jurisdiction, that can land him on the sex offender registry, which is a catastrophic risk to take just to indulge a weird preference. His excuse of it being impolite falls apart entirely when referring to a public restroom set up specifically for people going tubing.
I would really question the judgement of someone who chooses to whip out their business around kids when an alternative is available.
But, in all seriousness, let him know that what he pulled at the river could literally land him in prison and on a registry for the rest of his life. Pissing in bushes is whatever, but all it would’ve taken is the wrong person seeing him publicly exposing himself and he’d have charges. Public indecency and indecent exposure to a minor are serious crimes, and he’d have landed a charge for each one, and if he was very incredibly lucky they’d just keep the worst one and put him on the offender registry for 10 years in the literal best case scenario he could hope for.
I would guess that if you start unpacking some of the baggage he’s carrying around, somewhere in there is someone telling him how ‘rude’ he is to borrow someone’s bathroom. I grew up in the country so I know men and women pee outside occassionally, but not as a preference. I may be from the south, but we all PREFER indoor plumbing.
The first few examples you gave reminded me of a dog marking their territory, but the last one–the river, with strangers and children around–was upsetting and honestly the type of thing he could get arrested for. With this act, he’s gone from ‘that’s annoying’ to ‘this behavior needs to stop, right now.’
If I found out one of my friends, let alone my significant other, preferred to piss around this side of my house then just go to my bathroom, it would be over, and everybody who knows him and I would know exactly why. It’s rude, whip it out and take a pee on the side of someone’s apartment, it is much less rude to go and ask to use their bathroom.
Please dump and block this man. You do not want any of your possible future children getting into this habit because of their father.
I even asked my husband to pee in a couple specific places because I was told certain animals don’t like it and will avoid.
So I wouldn’t worry about it from a “he’s so weird” standpoint, but if your region is very different from mine and that’s not normal there, it would be good to find out what’s going on.
A human being peed in a river?
*OH NO ITS CONTAMINATED WE CAN NEVER SWIM HERE AGAIN.*
It’s weird he’s peeing outside. Shaming him isn’t the answer.
You need to talk with him, not at him. Where did this start, why did it start, what makes him think its more respectful than using the restroom?
If you love this man, figure it out. If you dont love him, leave him. Simple as.
But i definitely think there is something deeper here happening. Like a childhood trauma or something he was told at a young age and i think its appropriate to explore the issue. Be gentle tho because it does seem quit deep rooted, whatever it is.
uhh, did he whip it out underwater or just pee inside his pants underwater?
cause if that’s the case then he is just a nature pee-er
I’LL STEAL YOUT POOP[shadowman](https://www.instagram.com/p/CPXi0MqtYEj/?igsh=cnMxcHQ0aWtlM3F3)