Caught between loyalty and longing, she found solace in her father’s distant but unwavering support. As he returns home, offering a lifeline and a chance at belonging, she stands at a crossroads, yearning for a family where she is truly seen and valued.
I (16F) used to have a good relationship with my mother. That has since crashed and burned since she dated and married my stepdad “Gary” six years ago. Gary treats his son “Ian” (19M) like he’s the center of the universe and expects my mother to as well, so she does.
Anything Ian wants, Ian gets and that usually comes at the expense of me. Ian wanted my room when they moved it? I was forced to go to another room to “make the transition easier for everyone.” Ian wanted a car for his 16th birthday?
I didn’t get braces for another year. Ian wanted to go on an expensive trip for Spring Break? I had to give up Volleyball to make it happen. Ian wanted to have his side of the family over?
I was expected to find somewhere else to be, since I wasn’t family. My mother just went along with all of this and acted like it shouldn’t affect me at all.
My dad was overseas for a long time, and we used to FaceTime and he was so upset by what he was hearing. He’s home now and he’s offering to have me come live with him. I’m not seeing a reason not to go, and so I told my mom I wanted to go live with my dad.
She predictably freaked out and asked why I’d want to do that and said that we had such a good relationship, she didn’t understand how this came so out of the blue. I told her that we haven’t had a good relationship since she blindly decided to follow Gary’s lead and give Ian anything he wanted, and it always came at my expense.
I said I also wanted to leave because she let them kick me out of my own house because ”I wasn’t family” so I was going to go live with someone who was. My mom started crying and said she wouldn’t let me go, so I told her that my dad was willing to go to court over it and I was old enough to be able to say where I wanted to be.
She’s been a crying mess since I told her, and Gary is being a jackass about how awful I’m being. Here’s where I might be the asshole. He was bitching at me about how terribly I’m treating them and how I’m not thinking about them at all.
I asked why should I, he never thought of me when he was taking things from me to give to his kid. I said let’s face facts here, you don’t care about me, what you care about is losing the child support you spend on your son.
It sort of went slack jawed and I walked off. My dad said my mom called and threatened to take him to court, so he said he’d see her there. Now she’s panicking because she realized he is planning on taking her to court over this.
Mom and Gary of course think I’m the asshole for “making things hard” for everyone, but my dad and grandparents say to leave and never look back. AITA for wanting to get away from this situation?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is experiencing significant emotional distress due to years of being marginalized and having her needs consistently overridden to favor her stepbrother. Her decision to seek separation by moving in with her father stems from a broken relationship with her mother, who prioritized her new marriage and her stepson’s desires over her daughter’s well-being. The central conflict lies between the OP asserting her fundamental right to be valued and her mother’s desperate attempt to maintain the status quo and prevent separation.
Considering the established pattern of neglect and sacrifice forced upon the OP, is her action to legally pursue living with her father an appropriate act of self-preservation, or is she being unfair by causing extreme emotional and legal disruption for her mother and step-father?
Here’s how people reacted:
Neither your stepbrother or stepfather has done anything to curry any favor from you, and your mom saw it fit to destroy her relationship with you and be okay with it.
Your mother’s FIRST obligation is you. Not her husband, not her husband’s son or family. You.
She has failed in that, and your living situation is not tolerable. An adult would struggle to thrive in that environment, let alone a teenager.
Go to your father’s and don’t worry about your mother. She made her choice.
You have been punished for her inability to stand up to her husband for far too long. I hope that life with your dad is amazing and he treats you how you deserve to be treated.
She let him force her to stop treating you as family. You owe them nothing. At all.
I hope your mother has a hon because she is going to have to pay child support to your dad.
Edit: WOW thank you for the award! My first ever! 🙂
The rule says to be respectful of assholes, but I can’t find find any words to describe your mother without violating that. I feel my blood boiling just reading this.