Years later, the past resurfaced with a demand that reopened old wounds—a fight over control, respect, and the rights to memories forever etched in photographs. In that clash, he stood firm, a testament to resilience forged through pain and broken promises.
I worked for a photography company for a while. During this time I met a girl (we’ll call B) and we started dating.
B and I took a bunch of nude photos of her several times throughout our relationship. She paid me for these photos and signed the rights to me. Eventually we moved into an apartment together and both signed the lease.
However she started inviting her friends who would trash the place and I had to put my foot down and tell her they were not welcome if they would not clean anything and she decided she wouldn’t pay rent.
Leaving me with almost too much to pay.
She left and I continue paying as I did not want to get kicked out. After the year long lease ends, I move elsewhere.
Two years later B messages me out of the blue, demanding I delete all the photos I took of her. Normally I would but not after how she did me. So I told her that she signed a waiver giving me the rights to the photos, and even if she didn’t, courts often side with photographers on the rights of the photos.
She then text me saying she would accuse me of manipulating her and being abusive (yes, she texted me stating me that she would lie. I already gave them to the local law enforcement).
I told her that I would not be threatened and if she wanted to try that, I will post the texts online and I dug up the Facebook messages she sent telling me that I could do whatever I wanted with the photos and confirming that she paid me to take them and knew I owned the rights.
I basically say it since she was acting like that, I would give her an ultimatum. If she really wanted the photos gone, I wanted every cent she told me in rent. And I said that if she accused me of being abusive, I would post her messages and sue her for slander.
Never heard back from her until 2 months later when her friend asked me to meet her and gave me the money from B. True to my word I deleted the photos in front of her and she told B.
This story is so bizarre that I’m pretty sure I fucked up one way or another.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) found himself in a severe conflict stemming from a past relationship, involving both shared financial responsibilities and the ownership of explicit photographs. The OP initially felt justified in withholding the photos due to the former partner’s failure to pay rent and the subsequent financial hardship, using the photos as leverage to recoup the lost rent money.
The core debate centers on whether leveraging legally obtained property (the photographs, for which rights were signed) to settle a separate, unrelated financial debt (unpaid rent) is an acceptable form of self-remedy, or if this action constitutes unethical coercion when faced with threats of false accusation.
Here’s how people reacted:
Edit to add further rationale: You were trying to flex your power over her and threaten her. You sound like an unrepentant asshole who just came here to brag about a shitty thing you did to a woman.
Failing to meet a legal obligation would make you a criminal. That’s not what we’re discussing. You own the rights, we’ve got it. You’ve said that repeatedly.
Your failure to meet a moral obligation is what makes you an asshole.
I don’t care about being downvoted to oblivion. I’m not going to delete. Downvote away and enjoy that second of feeling powerful. Doesn’t change the fact that you’re an asshole who tries to threaten women by exposing nude photos.
She sucks for neglecting her financial obligations in rent. Take her to small claims court. If her name was on the lease too, you have a case.
You suck because even though you don’t express intent of sharing the images, you were really petty in using them against her. Yes, you have rights to the photos (even though they were probably obtained as a gesture of love at the time). But you *know* you could’ve easily taken nudes of presently willing participants for whatever you’d want the photos for. It’s because of your anger towards her that you manipulated the situation and used *her* nudes as leverage.
Her for refusing to pay rent and threatening you (albeit after you told her you wouldn’t delete them).
This is what happens when you get in bed with clients. Don’t do it. And respect people’s wishes for their bodies. I’m surprised you didn’t delete them after you guys broke up. Regardless of if you’re a photographer or not, you had a personal relationship with her that ended. Kind of weird to keep that imo.
She’s an intelligent, consenting adult who deliberately signed over the rights to these images; it’s condescending and infantilizing to claim that she was manipulated.
Are we claiming that she’s too stupid to make decisions for herself?
She had a legal and moral responsibility to pay the rent. Meanwhile, he acquired the images through a business transaction. He had no obligation to destroy his own property.
Legally, you own the photos. Ethically, you should have deleted them without a quid pro quo situation. Her owing you money has nothing to do with the photos and you using them as leverage to get what you want is scummy.
You’re trying to be an asshole. You said normally you’d delete them, but you want to use it for your gain. Whether emotional or monetary.
Are you justified, sure, but if you really wanted to not be an asshole you’d delete the photos.
As a professional photographer, you could have used one or all of them in your professional portfolio. She threatened to Metoo you if you didn’t throw away pictures you legally own. So in my opinion, she’s the asshole.
You did what you said you would do if B payed back the money. Plus, she seems like a manipulative (but also naive) person, so you were honestly just defending yourself. She seems like quite the asshole.
You mixed business with pleasure. Hopefully you learned not to shit where you eat (or sleep), as they say.