The landlord’s ultimatum was the final spark in a tinderbox of tension. Her efforts to fix what was broken—buying a new battery, trying to keep peace—felt like a lonely battle against his stubbornness and denial. In the silence between them, the real problem lingered: a relationship strained by one person’s refusal to grow.
I (30F) am starting to get frustrated with my (36M) boyfriend for not taking accountability for his own problems. He had a vehicle that he used to drive but beat it into the ground and never gave the vehicle any TLC until we started dating 4 years ago.
He drove it with an expired inspection sticker until he got pulled over and an officer told him next time he would get a ticket.
The car sat for an entire year until we moved to a new apartment and the car continued to sit for another year until my landlord confronted me that it needed to be removed from the property do to no use and it was difficult to start and move during the winter snow fall for plowing.
My BF got upset because “it’s his vehicle – he can have it there. Where doesn’t say in the lease he can’t have it here”. After a couple months my landlord brought it up again that he wouldn’t resign a lease with us if the car wasn’t removed.
So in January -after my last warning from the landlord. I went and bought a new battery for the car, installed it myself, got a storage unit, had it towed to said storage unit and told my BF he needed to figure out what to do with it.
7 months later the car still sits in the storage unit which I’m paying $200 a month for.
I recently brought up to him and stated “I don’t want this to be a fight – I’m just airing my truths”. I stated that I found it really difficult for me to continue to store the vehicle because he’s not taking an accountability for it.
He’s just forgotten about it until I’ve consistently bring it up to him and ask what he’s doing with it. I told him I found it really unattractive that there was no initiative and that it was really starting to piss me off.
I’m the only one that’s helped him with it and he’s not given a shit. I told him at this point he owes me all the money back but deep down I know that probably won’t happen. He sat and listened to what I had to say but didn’t really input any sort of game plan to get rid of it.
This once a month ago.
Today I sit here, getting the bank notification that $200 was taken out for the storage unit again and he’s given 0 effort to figuring it out.
He uses my car for whatever he needs – including when his kids were in school he would drive my car everyday to bring them. I really don’t have a problem with that – but I’m starting to feel used.
He puts gas in the car but treats it like it’s an ours vehicle.
I paid my car off which was a huge accomplishment for me – but there’s a small anxious part of me that worries that if he’s driving it and gets in an accident I’m SOL.
I haven’t had the conversation with him yet. I know it’s going to be a hard one but it’s the only way I feel like I can stand my ground at this point. I know his kids may be a little disappointed that they can’t see their dad everyday but I feel that I can’t continue to keep allowing him to use it like he wants.
And I also think I’m just going to have his car towed to his mother’s house so they can deal with it.
All I’ve done is put effort into this car. I put in spark plugs, new alternator & the new battery to get it to start. ALL BY MYSELF AND YOUTUBE. And I barely got a thank you.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is feeling significant frustration and resentment because her boyfriend avoids taking responsibility for his derelict vehicle, forcing her to manage its storage and maintenance costs despite her efforts to help. The central conflict lies between the OP’s need for partnership, accountability, and financial respect, and her boyfriend’s passive avoidance of his obligations, which leads the OP to feel used and taken for granted regarding her own property and resources.
Given that the boyfriend has shown no initiative to resolve the storage issue after seven months, should the OP immediately cease paying for the storage and take unilateral action (like towing the car to his mother’s house) to force a resolution, or does she have an obligation to have one final, direct conversation establishing a strict deadline before enacting such measures?
Here’s how people reacted:
My next question is why the sam grits you allow anyone to have access to your earning who is not even a fiancé (It’d have to be a spouse for me but I digress)?
My last question would be (if you don’t have children), why the sam grits you’re weighing yourself down with someone who isn’t concerned with transporting their own children safely?
YTA to [TheMostlyBusyBee](/user/TheMostlyBusyBee/). For some reason you have no concern for her finances but allow some 40 year old child to waste the money she should have saved in an emergency fund or invested.
If [TheMostlyBusyBee](/user/TheMostlyBusyBee/) doesn’t have 6 months – 1 yr of HER expenses saved in a High Yield savings account that [TheMostlyBusyBee](/user/TheMostlyBusyBee/) alone has access to **and that is never touched**, she cannot afford to be generous with discretionary earnings.
If [TheMostlyBusyBee](/user/TheMostlyBusyBee/) doesn’t have a regular savings account with at least 1 month’s income – can’t afford to be generous.
If [TheMostlyBusyBee](/user/TheMostlyBusyBee/) hasn’t fully funded her gold-backed, ROTH IRA, she cannot afford to be generous toward 40 year old moochers.
If [TheMostlyBusyBee](/user/TheMostlyBusyBee/) doesn’t have a brokerage account for her discretion income she cannot afford to be so unconcerned about her personal financial health.
[TheMostlyBusyBee](/user/TheMostlyBusyBee/) has approximately 35 years left to ensure that she’s not some old woman trying to stretch her SSA month to month to cover her food bill, wearing worn out clothes, unable to take care of basic dental/phyical exams, and being beholden to someone, or **living in a tent with her dog**.
I wouldn’t say that [TheMostlyBusyBee](/user/TheMostlyBusyBee/) is even awake. There are hundreds of women with useless degrees on social media getting let go and yet women keep on crapping on themselves (for some reason, most men have this figured out … I wonder why) for some Jojo. Some goober who hasn’t even put a ring on it!
People (but I direct this more toward women but it applies to men, too) get your head out of your arse and be wise about the amount of time you’ll be making a salary. Do you really want to be a Walmart greeter?
If you insist on living with someone who’s not a spouse, the only way you should have a join account with that person is if the account is only for utilities and rent. The rest of your income should be directed (direct deposit) to accounts that they have absolutely no access to. NONE. And please lock down your credit. And never give them your SSN. Your financial business is just that – YOURS. Bank statements, etc. should not be sitting out. In fact, I’d have a PO Box for all of my financial or personal info to go to.
OMGosh! Financial suicide!
[TheMostlyBusyBee](/user/TheMostlyBusyBee/) is TAH to [TheMostlyBusyBee](/user/TheMostlyBusyBee/)!
Break it off. You’ll never be sorry you did.
You will, however, be sorry someday when you look back on almost two decades wasted on an abusive, disrespectful asshat who doesn’t take accountability for his own responsibilities.
Do. Not. Raise. His. Mother’s. Son. He is costing you time and money instead of providing for you as if he is your child and not your equal. Screw that. Don’t do this to yourself. You’re no victim. You hold all the power.
Get rid of the kid. Go find a man.
Solidly NTA
And if he doesn’t do something with the car – you’re on the hook for the monthly fee and whatever it costs to remove it.
He obviously doesn’t feel a need to figure anything out. Can you get your name off the lease and move? Leave him there to figure it out? Then tow the car back and leave it with him. And cut ties.
And then tell him that you are not going to be driving him to and from work anymore. he can take the bus. Stop doing things for him that he should do himself.
You don’t have to explain yourself, you don’t have to get him to understand. YOU just have to stop doing things. He will either figure it out himself or he wont. And if he is not being a productive part of your life…. well, it may be time to end things.
NTA
NTA except to yourself
Lock your car keys and documents, your boyfriend cannot drive your car ever.
Stop paying for his food, rent, things for him.
You’re not his mother and he’s not underage.
You can find a partner who isn’t a constant drain on your energy and time and costs you $200 a month.
YTA for letting get to this point. You’re not his mother. Tell him he can’t use your car any more and if he does you’ll report it stolen. And move out.
He’s treating you like a mother and not as a partner. He doesn’t respect you, and it sounds like you don’t respect yourself either.
At what point will you choose to be a partner instead of a doormat?
Oh my god…he’s been treating you like shit and using you for too long. Drop this ungrateful manchild and watch him flail and fail while you prosper and flourish.
Just summing it up so you can read it from our perspective
Your support system. If standing up for yourself creates a problem for him, I hope you see how toxic that is and get out of the relationship
ESH
He doesn’t respect you
Stop paying this and let it get sold by the storage unit.
NTA