Now, with their lease ending and her resolve strengthening, she stands at a crossroads—facing the heartbreak of deceit and the daunting path of moving on alone. The years of friendship, trust, and shared dreams have been shattered, leaving her to reclaim her strength and rebuild her life from the ashes of betrayal.
I (42F) have been with my boyfriend (33M) for four years, and we’ve lived together for two years. Our lease is up in a week and a half, and I’ve made the decision to move out after I found out that he cheated on me with his best friend.
For context, his best friend, “Tina” (34F), and him were roommates before him and I got together and before we all decided to move in together. He and I were just friends for 8 years prior to committing.
During our friendship phase any time she would call and needed him he would drop whatever and make sure she was alright. I will admit Tina is not the brightest and at 34 doesn’t really know how to be an adult.
She fixes everything with two to three different guys a week and it’s made easy because of her profession. Not shaming her just stating facts. Over the years, I had some doubts about their relationship.
but he always reassured me that they were just friends, and I trusted him.
Two months ago, I found out the truth. His behavior had been changing—he was distant, secretive, and I could just feel something was off. Yes, I went through his phone and saw the exchanges.
I confronted him, and after some hesitation, he admitted that he slept with Tina. He said it was a one-time mistake, he regretted it, and begged for my forgiveness, claiming it didn’t mean anything.
The texts say different especially since there were a few texts from the previous day. I went through his phone at like 3AM. He really wants me to stay and work things out.
But I can’t. I feel betrayed, stops, and humiliated. I’m also angry because he didn’t just cheat—he cheated with someone who lived in our home, shared meals with me, had heart to hearts with me, and acted like a friend.
They would reassure me about my insecurities about the closeness of their friendship (it’s always the ones they tell you not to worry about
I’ve already decided I’m done. I’ve signed a lease for a new apartment, arranged movers, and planned to leave next week. I haven’t told him yet and I don’t plan to until I’m gone. Since he goes to work before me, my plan is to pack and move all my things while he’s at work.
I’ll leave a letter explaining my decision.
This is where I may be the asshole. I know he can’t afford this place or a new place without me. He’s financially struggling, and without me, he’s going to have a hard time finding somewhere else to live.
But I’m not responsible for fixing his situation, especially after the betrayal.
Some friends think I’m justified in not telling him, saying that he made his choices and now he has to face the consequences. My sister, however, thinks I’m being cruel by not at least giving him a heads-up so he can make arrangements.
I don’t feel like he deserves my sympathy. He can have my middle finger though
Oh, yeah.Tina doesn’t live here anymore either.
So, Reddit, AITA for moving out without telling my cheating boyfriend, knowing he can’t afford this place or a new place on his own?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is dealing with profound feelings of betrayal, shock, and anger after discovering her long-term partner cheated with a close housemate. Her decision to leave is firm, driven by the severity of the betrayal involving someone she considered a friend. The central conflict is between her justified need to protect herself emotionally and financially, and the expectation from some that she should offer him a courtesy warning about the immediate logistical consequences of her departure, given his financial dependence.
Given the depth of the betrayal and the OP’s prior decision to move out, is it crueler to leave without notice, forcing him to immediately face the housing consequences of his actions, or is it kinder to provide a warning, thereby extending the emotional burden of the relationship for a brief period?
Here’s how people reacted:
Honestly his efforts to fix this are just piss poor too. “It didn’t mean anything”? Really? It didn’t mean anything to share your penis with someone other than your girlfriend? It didn’t mean anything to betray you? After spending almost a full decade being friends and building up to a romantic relationship? After living with you? If this didn’t mean anything (to him), what will he do when it does? What’s he going to say next, she needed help with an orgasm and he was just helping her out?
I wouldn’t give a shit at this point if he can afford the apartment on his own or not. He clearly didn’t give a shit about you when he was boning his best friend and then hiding it from you, and then downplaying the extent of his betrayal after getting caught. He should have considered any and all consequences of his actions, and that he doesn’t get to choose whatever consequences may come about as a result of said actions. Telling him could also pose a risk to your safety, depending on how desperate he may be. Either way, he deserves exactly the same consideration he showed you before he boned his best friend- zero.
Play stupid games , take the consequences.
This guy is nearly a decade older than you, but more than that you mentioned he is in trouble if you leave.
That is telling.
Now I’d caution you that it is very likely he has zero interest in being faithful, and will continue sleeping around. He only wants to work on the relationship, with you, IE you not leaving, because he’s in deep shit if you leave.
He’s using you.
Don’t give him warning, don’t leave a forwarding address.
Cut off any means of spiteful reprisal, change your passwords, pins and be prepared to block him.
He might not stoop to it, but better to be safe than sorry.
I’ve been reading your/OP’s comments and responses and I can *feel* the power building in your words and I fucking love to see it. You are absolutely on the right path.
I wouldn’t leave a letter. I’d just be gone. Once you drop those keys, you block his number, email, her number, email, mama, cousin, auntie, consigliere, numbers, socials, etc. Maybe private your socials for a bit. (Check your location sharing too.) No more. They don’t get the privilege of you in their stratosphere. Their punishment is silence and absence. Make them choke on it.
I’m sure after 4 years he deserves that even though you’re upset that he cheated.
Don’t ever accept a friend relationship between your man and another woman.
It will bite you in your ass sooner or later.
I say the same thing to men. Don’t accept your woman having a friendship with a man.
He can live with Tina if that’s what he needs to do.
He made his choices and needs to own it. You made your choices and while I don’t think any of our opinions truly matter here… You’re owning and making your life where you feel comfortable.
You go girl. Leave him dry. No regrets.
Go listen to Paul Simon and move on.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABXtWqmArUU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABXtWqmArUU)
Tough titties, my dude. Actions have consequences.
Maybe Tina can have one of her dudes bankroll him.
You come first, period.
Good for you! Best of luck ✌️
NTA