Now, years later, the wounds of the past clash with the hopes of the future. As the woman who embraced this child as her own seeks to grow her family, the very sister who once begged for help now stands in opposition, threatening to fracture the delicate peace they fought so hard to build. In this tangled story of love, loss, and loyalty, every decision carries the weight of a shared history too painful to forget.
Eight years ago, my (29f) sister (32f) became pregnant. The father was not involved, and my sister did not want the baby but could not terminate or adopt the child out to strangers.
She asked my then-ex-husband and me if we would adopt her child. We were hesitant due to potential future issues, but my sister insisted there would be none, so we agreed. When Lucy was under one year old, my husband left us both because my sister lied about Lucy’s father.
Four years later, I started a relationship with my current wife, and we married last year. My sister has stated that seeing me and my wife with Lucy (now 7) proves to her she made the right decision.
When I first adopted Lucy, my husband and I told my sister we planned to have multiple children, which she initially agreed to. However, now that my wife and I are exploring our options, my sister objects.
Since July, my sister has been staying with us because her boyfriend evicted her. She frequently asks Lucy if she is sure she wants siblings (Lucy has confirmed she does) and tells us she worries we cannot provide for Lucy’s needs.
Today, the situation escalated.
We had an online consultation scheduled with a fertility clinic to discuss sperm donation. We informed my sister and asked her to watch Lucy during the meeting. The Wi-Fi disconnected three times during the session, booting us off each time.
The third time, my wife checked the router and saw my sister holding the power cord while Lucy attempted to plug it back in. Lucy saw my wife and said, “auntie keeps turning the wifi off.” My wife reconnected the power, but we were subsequently unable to rejoin the session and received an email suggesting we use a local clinic due to connectivity issues.
When we confronted my sister, she admitted she wants Lucy to be an only child to have 100% of our undivided attention. She then sarcastically remarked, “forgive me for only wanting what’s best for my daughter,” to which we replied that Lucy is not her daughter.
The argument intensified until I told my sister she needed to stay with our parents, and my wife drove her there. A few hours later, she apologized and pleaded to return, and our parents have also asked me to take her back.
I refused. They are all calling me an “arsehole” for kicking out my own sister over one argument, especially since she now cannot get to work (she lacks a car and it is too far to walk), and she is back in her childhood room, whereas she had a separate studio behind our house while staying with us.
Conclusion
The Original Poster (OP) is facing a severe conflict stemming from a long-standing, complex family arrangement regarding the adoption of her niece, Lucy. The central issue now revolves around the OP and her wife’s right to expand their family versus the biological mother’s persistent, controlling desire for Lucy to remain an only child receiving exclusive attention, leading to destructive actions by the sister.
Given the sister’s active sabotage of a medical consultation and the subsequent ultimatum posed to the OP—either prioritize the sister’s desire for an only child or face further disruption—the core question remains: Should the OP tolerate the biological parent’s continuing interference in her present family decisions, or was removing the sister entirely the necessary step to protect her established family unit?
Here’s how people reacted:
Is your sister generally an entitled person? If not, it may be that living with Lucy has made her complacent in her position as “mother/aunt”
As awful as it sounds, I think you need to create some separation between your sister & Lucy, at least for a little while.
She needs to apologise – GENUINELY apologise – and accept that she cannot behave this way, she cannot throw it in your face that she is Lucy’s biological parent whenever she doesn’t get her own way, and accept that YOU are Lucy’s mother, YOU will decide what is best for *your* daughter.
In time, when you are comfortable, reintroduce her into Lucy’s life, but be sure to set very firm boundaries & don’t be afraid to cut her off temporarily if she begins to cross boundaries again.
I’m curious about what changed between her being ok with you and your hubby having kids and now that has gotten her acting this way, but it’s ultimately immaterial (my guess is it’s a weird biological thing – she may be worried that if the child is biologically your wife’s then the child would be “unrelated” – you get that kind of stuff from people sometimes). She’s ta, definitely to the point of being kicked out, and you’re completely 100% in the clear.
Have a good day and I hope you are able to reschedule soon to get the ball rolling on a little brother or sister for Lucy.
Edit: spell check sucks!
Even if your sister hadn’t done the horrible thing she did, it is clear she shouldn’t move back in. She clearly still sees Lucy as “her” daughter, with you and your wife as the caretakers rather than her parents. She seems to think she has an equal voice as to the number of kids in your family, when she has no voice at all.
She messed with the wifi and ruined a consultation that could’ve given your little family a lovely new addition. She ruined and delayed something that was important to your family.
Call the clinic back and explain that the wifi problem has been solved and you’d like another consultation
Also, do not let your parents guilt trip you into taking her back. So you’re an A for not wanting your sister back, but they don’t want their daughter back too? It’s the pot calling the kettle black.
Also quick question, you said your husband left because she lied about who the father is, was it him?
Your sister was Lucy’s incubator. You are her mother, and you get to decide what your, and Lucy’s, family looks like.