When he finally returned, his anger clashed with her heartbreak, dismissing her pain as mere overreaction. To him, it was exhaustion; to her, it was a breaking point. Their worlds collided in misunderstanding, revealing how fragile promises can be when trust is broken and love no longer feels safe.
I25f was engaged to my fiancé27m. We were together 2 years, and engaged for 5 months. My ex fiancé has 2 children with his ex, and last week he took his kids out for the day. He ended up sleeping over there, where he didn’t answer his phone for the whole night after 9pm.
The next day he texted me and said he was so exhausted he fell asleep on their couch. I was at our apartment, waiting and worrying about him.
When my ex fiancé came home, I was packing and told him I was going to stay at my moms and we were done. He was obviously really upset, and my reasoning pissed him off. He said there was nothing unfaithful with what he was doing, and that he was there with his kids and was so exhausted and just watched tv then passed out.
He said I was completely over reacting, and I needed to take a breath and stop acting this way. I don’t think I’m overreacting, he went MIA for over 10 hours, and had me at home worrying.
Conclusion
The Original Poster (OP) felt deeply worried and disrespected by their fiancé’s decision to stay overnight at his ex-partner’s house without communication, leading them to end the engagement. The central conflict lies between the OP’s need for security, clear communication, and fidelity expectations within a committed relationship, and the fiancé’s insistence that his actions were innocent, driven by exhaustion, and that the OP’s reaction was an overreaction.
Was the OP justified in immediately ending a two-year engagement based on the fiancé sleeping over at his ex’s home and failing to communicate for hours, or did the fiancé’s actions, while poor judgment, warrant less severe consequences given his explanation about being with his children? Should commitment and trust outweigh perceived boundary violations in co-parenting situations?
Here’s how people reacted:
The nights I stay at my ex’s I let my boyfriend know that I’m staying there I also msg or face time him to talk like I do when I’m at home and he knows I sleep in the room with my kids. I would never stay there without letting him know in advance and not contact or msg him the whole time I’m at my ex’s. And it’s even worse for you because you live with him and had no idea he wasn’t coming home he gave no communication or heads up at all and that shows an extreme lack of respect or care for you.
He is probably telling the truth, but the utter lack of communication is really upsetting. I would be pissed and would probably pull the plug too. If for no other reason than they didn’t have enough thought about me to send a text.
I was once out of town for work and my (now ex) wife “forgot her phone charger” while “staying at her friends house” for three whole days. While she somehow still managed to log in to Facebook, but did not even try to message me there.
IT DOES NOT MATTER THOUGH.
Because this is a hard line for you. You are allowed to have hard lines. Best of luck through your healing journey.
He should have called, not texted when he woke up. And 10 hours is ridiculous.
He tells you to relax? Oh no. He’s gaslighting right there.
You’re a smart and strong woman to leave and not put up with his bs. I hope you kept the ring
I’d give him a pass if it was his buddy Bob’s place, but not when we’re talking exes.
NTA
Unreachable for over TEN HOURS at ex’s place. Something shady definitely happened.
Much respect for trusting your gut and ending things the moment you saw the red flag 🚩