As the family prepared for what was supposed to be a joyful celebration, tension simmered beneath the surface, a clash of wills and understanding. The surprise birthday party, wrapped in pink ribbons and good intentions, loomed not as a gift, but as a test of boundaries—a reminder that sometimes love can feel like pressure, and acceptance isn’t always given freely.
My (33F) daughter “Cleo” (5yo) hates pink. She has disliked the color and almost everything to do with it since she was about three or so. She has one pink shirt she likes and one pink stuffed animal, and that’s it.
My father’s partner, “Prue,” refuses to accept that Cleo doesn’t like pink. Over the years, she’s made several attempts to push the color onto her (pretty much every gift she’s ever given her was some shade of pink), no matter how many times I tell her to stop.
She has tried to give me dozens of different reasons why I should encourage my daughter to “try different shades.” It clearly upsets Cleo, but Prue keeps doing it.
About a week ago, my father invited me, my husband and our children for dinner at his place. He said he and Prue had a surprise for the kids.
Right before we left home, my younger sister (who still lives with our father) texted me. She warned me that the “surprise” was actually a small birthday party Prue had planned for Cleo.
That alone threw me off, because my daughter’s birthday was in November. My father did miss her actual birthday party due to work, but still. Also, my son turns 9 in March, so I had figured his would be the next party we’d have.
Then she sent me photos of how the place was decorated, and it very clearly wasn’t actually meant for Cleo. Literally every piece of decor was pink. The table, the tableware, the balloons, everything.
She had gotten pink banners and glued pink foil fringe curtains on the doors. Even the cake was pink.
I showed everything to my husband, and we agreed not to take the kids there. I texted my father the following: “Hey, (sister) told me everything. We’re not coming. We’re taking the kids to McDonalds and telling them that was your surprise.
You and Prue can come if you want, we’re paying.”
We did exactly that. My father did show up (without Prue), but he was cold with us and left 20 minutes after arriving.
Both him and Prue are pissed. My father is angry that my husband and I dismissed his partner’s “heartfelt gesture” towards our daughter. Prue also told me that I’m the reason Cleo is “restrictive” (I also don’t like pink), and I’m raising her to be an ungrateful, spoiled brat who is unwilling to compromise.
To be honest, I get how I could be in the wrong here. But at the same time, this just felt like Prue trying to push something Cleo doesn’t like onto her yet again.
My sister and one of my brothers are on my side (though my sister did say I had been rude). My other brother is on the fence.
AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) faced a situation where a non-parental figure repeatedly ignored their child’s clear preference against the color pink, culminating in an elaborate, entirely pink surprise party planned without the OP’s consent. The OP chose to reject the invitation and substituted their own event, leading to conflict with their father and his partner, who view the action as dismissing a thoughtful gesture.
Does the mother have the right to strictly enforce her child’s established preferences against the wishes of extended family, even if it means publicly rejecting a surprise event, or was the method of refusal unnecessarily harsh and disrespectful to the family members who planned it?
Here’s how people reacted:
This went on for years (like well into teenage years). My mom would tell her that it wasn’t my style, but my grandma is both partially deaf and suffers from selective hearing, so she wouldn’t hear anything she didn’t like. To the point that my mom just stopped trying to tell her, and she wouldn’t hear anything just give me cash to replace the horrifically gaudy sweater that was going straight to the donate pile the minute my grandma left the house.
My advice would be if they keep doing it, when your daughter gets a little older (like when you can conspire with her a bit and trust her to keep a secret), tell her to tell them she hates it and if they don’t listen to crank it up into a tantrum. Sometimes they think it’s the parents who are saying things just because they don’t like it not because that’s what the kid says. Let them hear it from HER mouth. Right now at age 5 they likely still wouldn’t believe her, but age 8, age 10, age 12? Much more likely to listen if she’s “given it a chance” just by being alive longer.
At some point I needed a black sweater. By “needed” I mean as a group we decided that black sweater would fit our uniforms better than other colours. So that’s exactly what I asked to Christmas – black sweater. What could go wrong right?
Well I even got 2 pieces. One 2 sizes too big in green and other one my size but in pink. Neither of them were what I needed at the moment.
Your father’s wife is like that, THEIR personal beliefs are more important than other peoples preferences.
Your daughter is entitled to not like one colour, as long as it’s just her refusing to wear it. If she disliked all the colours but pink it might be more difficult.
Tell your father that he was awful father and now he’s awful grandfather.
I’m sorry op but “he’s just forgetful” is either medical issue or weaponised incompetence and in this situation it’s probably the latter
You can’t force her to stop with the pink any more than she can force your daughter to like pink. So…stop fighting this battle with her and just focus on your daughter. Your daughter can learn to graciously accept gifts even if they aren’t really to her liking (if she really doesn’t want the item, you can see if there is a tag that will allow it to be exchanged…or she can decide if she’d like to donate it…but let your daughter decide). It’s more important that your children have the opportunity to have a relationship with their grandfather than what color the decorations are during that relationship. Once you stop arguing about the pink, it’s possible Prue may see that this really IS your daughter’s preference – right now, she likely believes that Cleo is just saying what her mom says.
If Prue never does drop it, Cleo will figure out on her own that “pink” is more important to Prue than “Cleo” is – but you’ll have allowed Prue all the space she needs to figure it out and change things herself.
Daughter could have gone, still enjoyed her time and said thank you all for everything, although next time, maybe try (favorite color), I don’t like pink . . . Although they know this already.
Yes I also agree that his partner trying to force it on her sucks, but also not to the point of being rude and just not showing up for a small bday celebration they planned.
Anyway, you’re not an asshole for not going I suppose. You are kind of an asshole for throwing your sister under the bus, but then I can’t imagine that they wouldn’t deduce how you found out about the decor after 3 seconds (if she hadn’t already told them she was telling you). Anyway, NTA.
But EVERYTHING being pink for someone who doesn’t like pink, by someone who loves pink….
It’s a pretty common logical fault that “I love X-thing and I love Y person, ergo Y will love this X-thing I bought”
It is well-meant but wrong and when you have corrected her a dozen time, grace runs out.
It was a surprise because she knew you would say no and she was banking on you not taking the kids home after going out for a fun surprise in the first place.
NTA
Does Prue have children of her own? I would think that most people who’ve had some exposure to children know that they go through phases of liking, loving, or disliking things, and that you can’t really force things on them if they don’t like them.
Your father and Prue really aren’t hearing you/Cleo. The party wasn’t for Cleo, so not attending doesn’t seem any worse than throwing a party for someone when you know they’ll hate it!
NTA
Thank you for letting your daughter choose the type of girl/person SHE wants to be. 💙
Your father is the weakest link here. He should be reeling in Prue’s pink obsession, not encouraging it.
Tell your father and Prue that there are things more important than the color pink in this world and that if they cannot stop giving pink to your daughter, then they should stop giving, period.
Hold firm in your boundaries. You are teaching your child that her likes and wants are important and that she shouldn’t give them up to “keep the peace.” Thank you.
Just to say that you did not make your daughter hate the color pink. It’s her choice and EVERYONE should respect it… NTA
The kid doesn’t like pink, she’s stated she doesn’t like pink, and yet Prue keeps pushing pink onto a child and expecting her to just come around if she gets badgered enough.
The only compromise here is Prue learns to stop pushing her tastes onto others and maybe she’ll get to have some sort of relationship with you, your husband, and your child.
NTA
Give your father and his wife a calendar with everyone’s birthdays clearly marked. If they get mad about it, tell them they must need the reminder since your daughter’s birthday was months ago.
Also tell him from now on you will only give him gifts related to a sport he doesn’t have an interest in because “boys are supposed to like ____” and he should be more grateful and open minded.
Also who is this obsessed with forcing someone else let alone a literal child to like a color this much.
NTA. Prue’s a weirdo though.
NTA
Talk about pot and kettle!
NTA
Does…does Prue understand that Cleo is not HER child? And she shouldn’t be throwing her parties at all?
It sounds like Prue and your dad need a time out and some distance until they can respect your daughter’s opinion and yours as her parents.
Why do they care if a child doesn’t like a certain color? But everyone likes pink. And that is okay. Honestly, with the pink tax, it will save you a shit ton of money in the future if your Littles doesn’t like it even in the future.
She knows full well that your child does not like that color. Yet she went overboard using that very color for a “surprise”.
Very strange and pushy for her to be trying to force a preference on the kid.
You did the right thing.
Totally don’t blame you for not taking the kids – and well done to sister for giving you the heads up.
> I’m raising her to be an ungrateful, spoiled brat who is unwilling to compromise.
When that comes from an AH like Prue, you get 75 additional Parenting Points to spend.
Prue is the only spoiled brat I see here. It’s honestly pathetic she’s that obsessed with forcing pink upon your daughter. Tell her and your dad to kick rocks.