AITA for not responding when someone doesn’t use my actual name?

Nico’s name is more than just a word—it’s his identity, a simple truth that many fail to accept. At sixteen, he has endured the weight of being misunderstood, not just in name but in the fragmented pieces of family that surround him. Born into foster care, his life has been a series of temporary places and fleeting connections, with only brief moments to see the mother he barely knows.

Despite the scars of a fractured past, Nico has found a rare haven in his current foster family, where love and acceptance fill the silence left by abandonment. Yet, even in this new home, whispers of rejection linger through the coldness of extended family members who refuse to honor his true name. In their refusal, Nico fights not just for a name, but for belonging.

AITA for not responding when someone doesn't use my actual name?

My (16m) name is Nico and it’s not short for anything. On my birth certificate it says Nico middle name last name. This is something a few people can’t understand and some people call me Nicholas.

Even teachers who see me on the class list as Nico and not Nicholas.

I’m a foster kid. I’ve been in the system since I was 2. My mom is the only bio family I know but she’s not able to take care of me. I see her twice a year through court ordered visits.

But nobody in her family and I don’t have anything to do with my paternal side.

I’ve been with my current foster family for three years and I’m really happy with my foster parents and foster siblings. My foster parents actually want to help the kids they foster and their kids are cool with their parents fostering and don’t bully me or others for stealing their families.

So I hope I get to stay until I age out of the system.

My only problem is some of their extended family are snobs and they don’t like calling me Nico. So they call me Nicholas even after being corrected a million times. My foster parents have explained that my name is actually Nico, not Nicholas.

But the reply is always “But Nico is short for Nicholas!” A couple of the extended family have encouraged me to change my name because Nicholas sounds much more professional for an adult male, which I will be soon.

I was like no thanks.

My foster parents told me I should ignore whenever someone calls me Nicholas now. Unless they’re new and just assume. But I can ignore their family members who do it. So that’s what I did.

I’ve ignored them a handful of times now and it bothers them so much.

Yesterday it happened twice because one kept trying to call “Nicholas” over and I just didn’t go. The other asked “Nicholas” to pass the potatoes at dinner and I kept eating and didn’t pass anything.

I was then called out for ignoring them and my foster parents said nobody knew who they were talking to because there was no Nicholas at the table. One of my foster sisters said she assumed it was her “Nicole” and they got confused and that’s why she passed it instead.

I was told I should be more open to the wisdom others offer with name suggestions and stop being rude by ignoring people. Even though my foster parents backed me up again. It made me feel a way because this really is my best foster experience and I don’t want to piss off people in my foster family.

So AITA?

Here’s how people reacted:

noteworthybalance

NTA

I’m really glad your foster parents are backing you up.

Rather than guerilla warfare I would sit down with your foster parents and tell them how much this bothers you. If you’re in therapy then I would ask them to come to a session and talk about it there, to help demonstrate that this is a serious issue.

They need to talk to the extended family, without you there, and explain that calling you Nicolas is unacceptable. It is not your name and it is not their place to try to re-name you. That you’re a foster kid makes this double important: you already have tenuous ties to your family of birth, trying to interfere with that is reprehensible.

Rather than just you refusing to respond, they need to speak up and say “His name is not Nicholas, it’s Nico” every single time they do it.

Pandocalypse_72605

Your foster parents are right and they are being supportive which is good to hear. As someone with a commonly mispronounced name (different but still relevant) I would do the same thing if someone refused to pronounce me incredibly easy to pronounce name correctly. If they can’t call you by your name then you should not be concerned with whatever they need.

Also they’re family why do they care about professionalism? Do they think everyone starts with a kid’s name and they are granted an adult name? No.

MeowtheGreat

NTA, I had to do this a few times with my mom. She’s still learning and is not meant to be malicious. I feel you got great advice from parents who care and understand. You’re not rude, they are for calling you anything but Nico. Want to be “rude”, whip out your ID, and ask them what the name says. Frankly, no interactions after that if they continue. You don’t need to offer them any explanation, you’re parents can do that for you when they cry and gaslight you, they seem to get it.

NoZookeepergame9552

I’m always amazed at the correlation of stories to usernames…. Worldly-pea? Bc basically you describe amazing foster parents who come from a not very worldly family. I’m American and have a cousin Nico, though admittedly he was born in Italy. You have your foster parents permission to dismiss extended family, so use it. For others, like teachers, educate them on the cultural background and global popularity of your name.

Di-O-Bolic

NTA, your name is your legal name and those who refuse to acknowledge this are the assholes. I’m kind of petty and would get T-Shirts to wear around these idiots that says My name is NICO.
It’s not anyone else’s business what you call yourself or demand how you’re acknowledged.

It seems like their psychological way making you feel unaccepted or not included in the family, which is f-ed up

hayleybeth7

NTA. Calling you Nicholas when your name is Nico is odd. If someone told me their name was Nico, I wouldn’t assume it was short for anything, and even if I did, I wouldn’t call them anything else. Names are an important part of our identity and I’m glad you are pushing people to call you by your correct name, and that you have supportive foster parents.

New_Theory_3626

NTA
My name is Allison. When I was in 4th grade there were 2 Allison’s in the class. My teacher called me ‘Al’ all year and I absolutely hated it. Also, it’s Allison not Allie (my mom didn’t like Allie as a nickname because an alley is where you put your trash 🤷🏼‍♀️)…everyone deserves the respect of being called by their correct, or preferred, name.

genral299

As long as your foster parents have your back, you are doing ok.
But I have to say, what kind of a moron keeps calling someone by a name that is wrong when they have been corrected several times.
Answer: Arrogant morons.
I hope you are able to continue staying with this set of parents. They sound good for you.

MrsVictorio80

My sons name is Nico. I would hate if people kept calling him Nicholas. THEY are the ones that are rude. They are being disrespectful and some sound like it’s intentional disrespect. Stand your ground Nico! You are NOT the A hole! ❤️

NoBus6509

NTA. There’s a Sesame Street episode/sketch my toddler and I have been watching called “Proud of My Name” I believe, that should help clear things up for anyone confused about why Nico is not the same as Nicholas.

cara8bishop

NTA! You should deliver their words right back at them! If one of them is called ‘Barbara’, call her something ridiculous like ‘Barararitta’ and claim that you just thought her name was the shortened version lol

brilliant_nightsky

NTA You aren’t ignoring anyone! You just don’t answer to other people’s names. Ask your foster parents if you respond to Nicolas, if you can say, here it is asshole, to make a point.

ProtectionClear1718

NTA. Absolutely do not start going by “Nicholas”, because if you do, 99% of people outside of this weird family will just start calling you “Nick”. Nico is a great serious adult name.

Right-Papaya7743

NTA. I am 50 years old, and people try to shorten my name and call me something else. I don’t respond either. It’s a respect thing and these people obviously have none for you.

Old_Confidence3290

I don’t know what is the best way to deal with this situation, but you are NTA. People who insist on calling you by the wrong name are TA.

dolly_livx

NTA. It is your name and people should respect that. It must be hard being in foster care and then having to deal with ignorant relatives.

KikiG95

NTA honestly I ignore people even when they get my name right. Ignoring people is always the answer, people are the worst. NTA NTA NTA

Conclusion

Nico is facing a conflict where his deeply held personal identity, centered on his name, clashes with the persistent, unsolicited suggestions from his foster family’s extended relatives. While his foster parents support his right to be called Nico, the pressure from relatives who insist on using ‘Nicholas’ for perceived professionalism creates significant emotional strain and forces him into a difficult choice between asserting his identity and maintaining peace within his highly valued foster home.

Is Nico justified in asserting his identity by ignoring those who deliberately use the wrong name, even if it causes friction with extended family, or should he prioritize social harmony by accepting the repeated misnaming given the importance of maintaining a stable placement?