One restless night shatters their tentative peace when the father, roused by his son’s cries, confronts the unsettling reality lurking within the walls meant to protect them. What began as goodwill teeters on the edge of betrayal, threatening to unravel the fragile sanctuary they have built together.
Me M37 and my wife F30 have a ten months old son and recently started sleeping in his own room. We live in a small apartment. My wife works for an marketing company and it requires her to go on trips at least once a month.
She invited her 27 year old brother to stay with us for a few weeks since he lost his job and is incapable of paying rent- I didn’t think it was a good Idea since the place is small.
She said he was okay with the couch and since he loves to spend time with his nephew then there shouldn’t be any problems.
I said okay and I helped him move his bags. My wife went on her business trip last week and it was just me, him, and my son in the apartment. He begged me to let his girlfriend come spend the night I have my reasons to decline.
Since he talked about missing her and probably wanting to have s*x. I said no not on the couch. Period.
I went to sleep leaving him talking on the phone. At nearly 3:45 I woke up to the sound of my son crying. It was close I was confused. I walked out of the bedroom and saw my son in his stroller in the livingroom with his face covered in a blanket.
I had no idea for how long he was there I yelled my BIL’s name and was very confused. I calmed my son down then I went to his room. Suddenly my BIL stopped me from going in saying his girlfriend was in there.
I was livid. I asked what the hell she was doing there but I already knew. I started berating him loudly for getting my son out of his room and leaving him in the living room causing him to stress out.
I told him to get out the room immediately. He begged me to let him and his girl stay inside til the morning. And take my son into my room
I kept arguing with him. And he and his girlfriend got out the room. And I made them wait til 7am to leave the apartment. And they did. He then called my wife basically saying that I kicked him out for suggesting that he bring his girlfriend over and take my son to sleep with me in the room while they have “some privacy” in his room
Since I tend to use the bathroom and the kitchen at 4am!. My wife thougt I handled it wrong despite explaining. Which led to an argument with her as well. The whole family-my inlaws called me a jerk for kicking him out and treating him like that.
They said it was no big deal and that I made a scene over nothing. But I couldn’t help but feel mad at him and his girlfriend.
I know that my wife’s been gaslit by her family nomatter how hard I explain I’m “in the wrong” as they say. And that’s because
1) My BIL told her another story and she believed him since he and I tend to disagree most of the time so she thought I was being unfair to him.
And 2) her family tried to downplay my anger and claimed I overreacted and gaslit my wife making her think the same
Conclusion
The husband (OP) acted decisively to protect his infant son and maintain the agreed-upon boundaries in his small living space, leading to a severe conflict with his visiting brother-in-law (BIL) and subsequent friction with his wife and in-laws. The core emotional clash stems from the OP prioritizing his child’s safety and his own discomfort against the perceived entitlement of the BIL and the pressure from his wife’s family to be accommodating.
When household boundaries regarding guests and infant care are clearly violated, is the OP justified in immediately enforcing consequences, even if it causes significant family backlash, or should he have prioritized maintaining temporary peace with his wife and in-laws by handling the situation more discreetly?
Here’s how people reacted:
I’d like to point out that he is TWENTY-SEVEN. Not 17. What in the *actual fuck* was he thinking?? Still not okay if he were 17, but the level of dumbass would make a bit more sense.
1. He was a guest in your house.
2. He deliberately waited until you fell asleep so he could move your baby out of his nursery without your knowledge.
3. He felt it was acceptable to bring a stranger into *your house,* **after you said no** and proceeded to have sex with her *in your baby’s nursery*. (Seriously.. wtf? Did the crib not kill the mood for them?)
4. He left baby unsupervised.
5. He left baby in unsafe conditions/position.
6. He put a blanket over baby’s head. (!!!!)
And then he had the *audacity* to suggest you allow him and his girlfriend to spend the rest of the night in your baby’s room so they could keep going at it??
I wouldn’t let him so much as hold your baby going forward. At the very least, never leave him alone with your child. It would have taken him less than a minute to google “can the baby sleep in stroller?” If he had, he would have found this: [https://www.marchofdimes.org/baby/safe-sleep-for-your-baby.aspx](https://www.marchofdimes.org/baby/safe-sleep-for-your-baby.aspx)
# He put your infant’s life at risk, so that he could get laid.
He put your child in danger. His actions could have resulted in your baby’s death. Putting him in the stroller to sleep is enough to cause suffocation. Putting a blanket over his head could have led to baby overheating, suffocating, being smothered, or SIDS. Do your in-laws not see a problem there? Are they comfortable excusing child endangerment? I would imagine that had your BIL invited his girlfriend over and spent the night with her on the couch, you would have been upset and reacted strongly. If that were what happened, I can understand your in-laws encouraging you to calm down. But your reaction to him endangering the life of your ten-month-old child is more than fair and they have no grounds to defend his behavior.
Remind your wife that despite your reservations, you willingly helped him carry his bags into your home. Calmly restate what happened. If she won’t listen to you, try writing her a letter explaining what went down and how important it is for her to trust you as her partner, and as the father of her child. If your wife still defends him after hearing the truth, feel free to repeat those possible outcomes until she opens her eyes and realizes how badly this could have ended. I’m praying that she hasn’t fully grasped the situation just yet, and that she will vehemently support you when she recognizes what really happened.
BIL is DAMN LUCKY that you heard your son crying and that your baby wasn’t injured or killed as a result of his actions. It’s not hard to imagine why you and BIL tend to disagree on things.
You sound like a good dad- aware, protective, unafraid to advocate for your baby. Take a deep breath and go cuddle your baby. Baby cuddles usually make things better.
OP, you really should question your wifes priorities, because she’s prioritizing her brother and not the sweet innocent little boy that she brought into the world. And thats concerning. Good on you for kicking your brother in law out! And then theres his girlfriend who let her bf pick up a baby, take the baby and left it out in the living room in a stroller without telling anyone. Literally everyone sucks but OP and baby…
If I were you, I’d tell your wife that if she values her brother more than her own baby, you’ll take the baby and stay elsewhere and her brother can go ahead and move back in.
Ask your wife and her side of the family this question:
Would you be okay with a man putting a 10 month old baby in a stroller with a blanket on his head, unsupervised, so said man can bring his girlfriend into the baby’s room for sex?
If they say no, ask them why are they defending BIL when he did just that.
If they say yes, tell them that you can’t trust them around your son because they just said that sex is more important than a baby’s safety.
Tell your wife to have a chat with her family and tell them that they’re lucky she wasn’t home at the time or her brother would have been on the street at 4 AM in his underwear. Totally unacceptable breach of your trust.
This should be a wake up call moment for him. And for his girlfriend! I cannot even imagine my partner being like, “Let me move the baby out real quick and we can do it on the floor next to his crib.”
Like…what?
> getting my son out of his room and leaving him in the living room
This part alone is more than enough reason to be pissed. Just tell the complete story to everyone at once and let the chips fall with the in-laws, honestly who cares what they think. If your wife still has an issue with it good luck.
NTA
You told BIL No, so he waits till you’re in bed to bring the gf over. He knew he was in the wrong!
What kind of mother thinks it’s ok for a 10 month old baby to sit in a stroller, in the living room, for hours by himself?
Everyone else are total AH, not you. Seems you were the only one looking out for your son.
If your wife does not recognize the issue, parenting classes might be in order.
NTA, and WTF is your wife thinking defending that behavior.
He disobeyed your house rules, as a guest. He invited over basically a stranger into your home without your permission during a pandemic. Then he stuffed your kid into a stroller and brought him out into the other room and threw a blanket over him.
What.the.fuck?
I can’t believe your wife is on his side.. I wouldn’t of waited till the morning I’d tell where to shove it there and then. Ask your wife what she would’ve done in that situation… I doubt the response would be oh well and left your son in the pram.
NTA.