AITA for shutting down talk about having kids with “purposely controversial statements?”

In the quiet comfort of a backyard BBQ, a couple’s peaceful life was disrupted by the persistent hopes of family members pushing for a future they had firmly decided against. Their choice to embrace a child-free existence as dedicated mountaineers clashed with the relentless wishes of a mother-in-law and sister-in-law, whose subtle jabs and whispered conspiracies cast a shadow over the evening.

Despite clear boundaries and heartfelt conversations, the couple faced the painful reality of being misunderstood and pressured by those closest to them. What should have been a celebration of togetherness turned into a silent battleground of respect, autonomy, and unspoken tensions, revealing how deeply personal choices can fracture even the strongest family bonds.

AITA for shutting down talk about having kids with “purposely controversial statements?”

Our region has done well handling COVID, so my husband and I had a small group of family over for a backyard BBQ a month ago.

We’re the only ones in the family “left” who don’t have kids. We’re not going to. We prefer our lives as mountaineers. His family thinks we’ll change our minds. Mind you, husband had the snip.

MIL jokingly mentioned that maybe with all the “alone time” we’d be giving the family a little bundle of joy. We shut the idea down with good humor. She kept pressing, and SIL chimed in with “Come on, this is the perfect time to get started!”

Husband: We’ve talked about this already. Let’s drop it.

MIL: Well, I don’t care.

Husband: Again, drop it.

MIL: I hope it happens!

Husband: Thankfully we’re very careful.

MIL: Accidents happen. It isn’t always up to you.

Husband: Yes, it is. I had a vasectomy. Like I said, discussion over. Can we move on?

We do, but MIL and SIL are whispering with each other and shooting glances, looking at their phones, etc. BIL and I are laughing about something dumb on TV, seems like everything is fine.

Until SIL says, “Vasectomies can fail, you know! It’s not a 100% thing.”

It gets quiet, MIL & SIL look smug.

MIL: So there’s still a chance you can get pregnant, you can NEVER be sure!

Husband & I lock eyes. Party’s over.

Me: That is exactly what abortions are for.

Cue screaming and yelling, I’m an evil, cruel bitch, what kind of monster, etc. His family are all supposedly pro-choice.

Husband yells at them to GTFO, don’t talk to me like that. MIL gets up in his face and yells that I said I would kill her grandbabies, how could he stand to hear it.

Husband: And I would hold her fucking hand the entire time because it’s what BOTH of us would want.

Party’s over. Cue FB shitstorm. MIL’s post tags us, says: “We were having a nice family get together and OP and Husband had bait us with purposely controversial statements. Every mom lives to see her babies have babies.

Yesterday I was told that my cruel DIL would murder my grandbabies if she got pregnant and my son would hold her hand while she did it.”

I do not feel like we’re assholes, even for how we handled the situation. There was no getting through to them without being direct and final. This isn’t the first time we tried to get them to drop the subject.

However, other family members really think we are in the wrong and that I went over the line.

Here’s how people reacted:

blokia_

NTA if this is true. Family in law really sucks here, they should know when to quit and it’s up to you to decide what to do if the vasectomy fails.

> Party’s over. Cue FB shitstorm. MIL’s post tags us, says: “We were having a nice family get together and OP and Husband had bait us with purposely controversial statements. Every mom lives to see her babies have babies. Yesterday I was told that my cruel DIL would murder my grandbabies if she got pregnant and my son would hold her hand while she did it.”

This is where it started getting unbelievable. People are really posting their drama on FB like that? Every story here, the angry ones go to other people within the hour to complain and spill all the drama. Those other people then take up contact with OP to tell them how wrong they are. Never happens in my life.

MichelleInMpls

NTA – but I would recommend that you not ever let the conversation get to this point again. The first time it’s brought up, you leave the room. Conversation OVER! If they follow you, you leave the event. If they’re at your house, get their coats and kick them out. If you’re on the phone, you hang up. No mercy, no “understanding”, no discussion, no warning. Just done. If they want to see you, they need to learn to keep their mouths shut about this issue. Your MIL constantly bringing up the same issue over and over is a tactic narcissists use to get what they want because they think they’ll wear you down and you’ll give in just because you’re tired of the argument and they they’ll win. Don’t let it even start.

Trin_42

NTA, I came off as a child-hater for years even tho I’ve been great at caring for kids for most of my life. I did it because I wanted people to leave us the hell alone about having them. 14yrs(12 in marriage)into our relationship we decided to have a child, she’ll be 1yo soon, it was just the right time for us and we’re happy. HOWEVER, this shit is no joke, it’s hard and frustrating and it is perfectly fine if you don’t ever want it. People outside of your marriage don’t get a say, you shot it down over and over and they wouldn’t let it go. They’re TA’s for that, you did good!

NotTooSpecial

>and SIL chimed in with “Come on, this is the perfect time to get started!”

The perfect time to start working on a baby is when you’re quarantined because of a lethal pandemic with no end in sight? LOL okay.

>Husband: And I would hold her fucking hand the entire time because it’s what BOTH of us would want.

Great job to the husband, wow 🏆

Anyway, NTA, they were salivating over the thought of you getting accidentally knocked up and they’re mad that you mention abortion? Literally the fuck do they expect.

LosAngelesCourier-

They really need to stop. Not everyone wants a baby and that is perfectly okay. Like what if it was a medical issues that you guys have decided not to disclose to anyone.

I would comment on post and be like
” we have discussed this and we do no want kids. That is our personal decision and we are asking that you please respect this.”

Also next time ask her if she is going to financially take care of a child.

I am against abortions and even I think you are NTA here

AreYouALavaBeaver

NTA. Kids aren’t for everyone and I hate the culture of pushing people to have them. People don’t realize that if those child free people are forced to have children they don’t want, terrible things happen (I’m not saying in every instance, but it does happen). Abuse, neglect, maybe not criminal neglect, but there is definitely the feeling of being unwanted.

MythLyth

NTA – and no not “every mom lives to see her babies have babies” i have 2 kids, both of whom are entry level adults, both of whom want to be childfree forever. I told them great! Don’t want them please don’t have them!

If i get a “need to be a grandma” bug then my grandpets can get many toys and treats!

urebelscumtk421

NTA
I mean, honestly, total asshole thing to say, BUT, it was your only recourse!! And I’m so happy for you that you and your husband are totally united on this. Your ILs are giant AH. Move on and live your best life. What a fucking legend you are….

zebra-stampede

NTA at all; they started it. I also would’ve asked them why they’re so interested in your sex life lol.

Long term though you may consider using the grey rock method with them which might have more sustainable results.

desperate_plantmum

NTA. MIL sounds like one of those people who are pro choice, just as long as the choice doesn’t affect them. And that’s not being pro choice, it’s being selfish. You guys handled the situation perfectly.

Edit: grammar.

Thyumos

NTA Literally all they had to do was not badger you about your personal reproductive choice and respect your boundaries. It’s none of their business. They started it, they continued it, and created the problem.

Daddy-Pringles

NTA. It’s your life,your body and your choice. I’m glad your Husband stood up for you to his Family and the way he responded is IMO hilarious.I wish you two the best!

becbec89

NTA. That’s some r/JUSTNOMIL material right there. Your In laws actively and purposefully refused to respect your boundaries and reproductive choices.

verycrazycatlady6

NTA you didn’t bait them, they pushed and pushed while being told to drop it until you and hubby snapped. Cut them out of your lives.

Chairmanca93

NTA. You both are probably going to have to block her and cut her out for a while. Life is too short for this kind of drama.

Conclusion

The original poster (OP) and their husband faced relentless pressure from family members regarding their decision not to have children, culminating in a heated confrontation after the husband revealed he had a vasectomy. The central conflict lies between the OP’s firm boundary regarding their life choices and the family’s deeply held, yet intrusive, expectation that the couple should eventually reproduce.

Given the history of boundary violations and the extreme escalation triggered by the OP’s final statement about abortion, were the OP and her husband justified in their directness, or did their response cross an acceptable line of family discourse? Should personal reproductive decisions remain entirely off-limits, regardless of family provocation?