Despite her own suffering, she moves with grace and devotion—nourishing, comforting, sacrificing sleep—while he, worn down by his own agony, reaches out with a simple, desperate plea. In that single text, their unspoken bond speaks volumes of endurance, care, and the quiet heroism found in everyday love.
I’m extremely pregnant (like waddling Danny-DeVito-as-The-Penguin pregnant) and fighting a chest cold, back pain, bruised rib, overall fatigue, and a womb resident that won’t quit moving (which is a good thing, but can be painful!).
I work from home, which makes it easier.
My boyfriend has an abscess that requires a root canal. YIKES. I’ve never had a root canal, but tooth/mouth pain is no joke. He works in a field where he’s on his feet for sometimes 12+ hours a day.
The setup:
Yesterday, he came home early after the dentist. Knowing that he’s been tired and feeling bad, last night I got him set up in bed, made him dinner (twice), picked up his antibiotics, brought him ice cream and tea, and overall just made sure he had everything he needed.
I even slept in the other room, as I tend to get up a lot because pregnancy is uncomfortable and I didn’t want to bug him. Truly, I’m happy to do it.
This morning, I woke up to a text from him that just said, “I need water.”
*I need water.*
I was annoyed, because even though he’s not feeling well, a tooth abscess doesn’t take away your ability to walk. I brought it to him anyway, and he made a big deal about lifting himself up to drink from the cup and take two ibuprofen.
No “thank you.” Just put his head back down and closed his eyes.
Pain is pain—I get it. I don’t have a monopoly on discomfort just because pregnancy can sometimes really blow. It’s not a competition. But it is kind of cringe-y to demand your pregnant girlfriend, who already has some mobility issues and near-constant pain, to grab you something you could easily get yourself.
The AITA dilemma:
Trying to be lighthearted about the audacity of that text request, I drew a picture on his breakfast cup (something I do every day when I make his breakfast) of a tombstone with the words “I need water” on it, surrounded by flowers and with his birth year – 2019 on it.
He was…not happy. Like, actually mad that I did that. He said my humor “is not normal,” and that it’s not at all funny. He left in a huff and without saying goodbye.
So, AITA for the joke? Or am I missing the real issue entirely?
*ETA: We both apologized for not being considerate of the other person, and it’s all ok. He’s a good dude, just off his game today. Still doesn’t think I’m as funny as I think I am, though—lol.*
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) felt justified in making a dark joke about her boyfriend’s seemingly minor request for water, given her own significant physical discomfort from late-stage pregnancy and existing pain. The central conflict arises from the clash between the OP’s desire to express frustration through humor and the boyfriend’s sensitivity to her joke while recovering from a painful dental procedure.
Was the OP wrong to use dark humor on a breakfast cup to comment on her boyfriend’s perceived exaggeration of his need for assistance, or was the boyfriend justified in feeling hurt by a joke mocking his dependency during a genuine health crisis? The core question remains whether humor about perceived selfishness is an acceptable release valve in a relationship, even when one partner is genuinely suffering.
Here’s how people reacted:
Contrary to the “Not the asshole, dude’s a baby” name calling, I’d venture to say that everyone made a mistake here.
Yes, SO is an asshole for not properly asking/thanking, but that doesn’t absolve you of your actions. A joke is only funny if both sides can laugh about it. Here’s where you’re the asshole: you didn’t make that joke so that the both of you could laugh, you made that joke as a passive aggressive “jab” at his behavior.
Regardless of whether you were justified in telling that joke, the fact that you did say that joke makes this an ESH situation. I understand that you’re both in pain, but the solution should always be communication (which I’m glad to hear happened in the edit)
Look, you didn’t do anything even kind of wrong. But also, I have a theory that most genocides were begun by people with toothaches. You’re kind, you made him breakfast, and judging by the rest of your post, your humor is probably one of the things he likes about you on a good day.
Pain is not an excuse, but I do think most people with it that bad will come out owing a few apologies. I’m not saying it’s right, just…
Eh, I think this is not a (long term) big deal either way tbh
Having been both pregnant and having had a variety of tooth issues, both are pretty bad. Like obviously pregnancy is longer, and results in birth (whole different story here), but in the moment severe tooth pain is more intense. I don’t blame him for being a jerk for a day, the same way I don’t blame any pregnant women for being a jerk for a day, with the caveat that in either situation they should realize they were being unfair and apologize.
I’m assuming he’s acting out because he is in pain. Toothaches in particular can make monsters out of saints and probably erodes a sense of humor.
Your joke wasn’t a big deal and he’ll probably come around. I won’t call him an asshole unless he doubles down.
However, I will throw in the caveat that as ridiculous as I find it yeah, people feel the way they feel and it doesn’t necessarily have to be logical for those feelings to be valid.
I think the drawing on the cup was kinda immature, but he overreacted.
PS – this is hilarious. Don’t let him berate your humor just because he hasn’t any.