Yet, it’s not just the emotional weight she carries that unsettles the household; it’s the suffocating cloud of synthetic scents she brings with her, invading every corner and breathing life into the tension. The overpowering aroma, a clash of nostalgia and chemicals, permeates the air, turning the once serene home into a battleground of personal boundaries and unspoken frustrations.
My wife’s friend Melissa (49f) is staying with us for a few weeks while she sorts her life out. We have a large home and are very happy to have houseguests. She’s leaving her husband after 25 years of marriage because she wants to move to LA and work at Disneyland.
This sounds like the plot of a bad sitcom, but I’m afraid it’s it’s real. Both she and her husband are equally culpable for the failure of their marriage, and really bring out the worst in one another.
Their relationship has been in a state for as long as I’ve known them.
The problem is Melissa showed up with an arsenal of room scents and sprays, and plugins. The smell (teenage girl with a side of forever chemicals/eau de Disneyland) has completely taken over the the hallway, the family bathroom, my office, and even down two flights of stairs into the foyer drawing room and living room.
It’s strong, it’s nasty, and it’s made of and smells like, all of the chemicals that we avoid.
Side bar – we’ve been cleansing ourselves of chemical nasties, and have curated our home to smell clean and subtle, it’s part of what makes it feel like home. Now it just smells like teen spirit.
Melissa is genuinely lovely and in a vulnerable spot, and I don’t want to make her feel unwelcome. But it’s our house, and this is something we’ve been intentional about. However…
outside of our personal feelings about plugins it feels really out there to rock up in someone’s home and decide to bring your own plug in scents to totally change the smell of the house.
I mentioned how strong the smell was, assuming it was a room spray, and how it was overtaking every room, she said “yeah the plug-ins are pretty strong”. I was so shocked I asked her to remove them.
I opened up with a sensitive ask “hey those room sprays are pretty strong, would you mind keeping the door closed if you’re using them” and spiraled a bit when I heard her say *plugins* (plural).
My wife told me I was being an AH for making her uncomfortable when she is going through a lot, and that I could bitch to her about it was over the line to ask her to stop. I was incredulous that she thought it was okay to change the scent of our house.
Am I the AH here like my wife says? I feel pretty justified in my complaint.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is experiencing significant distress because a temporary houseguest has drastically altered the chemical environment of their home using numerous strong scents, contradicting the OP’s established lifestyle preferences. The central conflict is between the OP’s need to maintain their non-toxic home environment and the desire to support a friend who is going through a major life crisis, a conflict which has led to tension with the OP’s spouse.
Is the OP justified in demanding the removal of scented products that fundamentally change the atmosphere of their home, even when the guest is vulnerable, or does supporting a friend in crisis outweigh adherence to personal environmental standards within one’s own residence?
Here’s how people reacted:
Your wife’s response was ridiculous. Just because she’s going through something doesn’t mean you have to be a doormat and let her start dictating how you live in your home. Being a gracious host does not mean letting someone else do whatever they want in your space.
If your face says disgusting, pretty hard to be polite.
A lot of people are bothered by strong scents can literally give you a headache. It’s your home. In fact, Hospitals, and many other places ask people to not wear perfume etc. You could be asked to leave.
Sure, there is a way to in how you word it when asking. I am the same way I don’t sugarcoat things I say it like it is and can be a bit too honest.
But she should realize that she can’t just go and put tons of plugins in because she wants to.
Freshly ground Coffee absorbs smells. Place bowls of it in the affected rooms and vent. Air out your house twice per day. I only know it as cross-airing (direct translation) where you open windows and doors so that the air rushes in from one end and out the other.
This cools down your house so turn off heating during airing out.
You don’t just go bringing neurotoxins into someone’s home. No strong perfumes either.
What if you had been allergic or something? This is just weird. I know people who are OBSESSED with those plugins, but they all run MLMs. So it’s a business thing for them. Not sure why you would just bring them to someone else’s home.
Hope everyone’s ok now.