Amidst the chaos, a rare moment of calm emerges as the adults divide their lives and possessions with surprising grace. But now, the child faces the hardest choice yet—rejecting the expected path of split weeks between two homes, and bravely voicing a truth that refuses to fit neatly into their parents’ plans.
My parents are going through a divorce, it was a long time coming and having to spend a lot more time together because they both had to work at home was the last straw. I know I probably sound a bit uncaring/icey about all of this, but at this point I think everyone is better off if they separate.
The last 4 years have been marred with constant arguments, cheating and what not and my mom in particular has been using me as an emotional support animal and I am sick of it.
When they said what they had decided to do I said no and explained I wanted to stay with dad, I gave the reason that I go to school here, my job is here and I don’t want it interrupted.
In reality though it has a lot more to do with me not liking my moms boyfriend one of the guys she cheated (Before you ask, dad cheated plenty of times too.) with who has 2 kids (No interest in living with 2 random kids 50% of the time) of his own who live with him full time and I am just a lot closer to my dad in general, we are a lot more alike and he isn’t emotionally draining like mom is.
When I said this Mom broke down and begged me to stay with her full time instead, I said no, she threatened to go to court over this but my dad pointed out that was a waste of time because I am old enough to where my decision will pretty much be final.
That was last week, my moms side of the family has gotten involved since telling me I need to keep my moms feelings into account and support her and my grandma has gone as far as to demand I go live with my mom instead.
I am aware I am not the most emphatetic person far from it so I have a tendency to only look at things from my own side, but my mom is clearly broken up about this, she calls me several times a day crying.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing a difficult decision regarding post-divorce living arrangements, prioritizing their stability and emotional well-being over their mother’s desire for them to live with her. The central conflict lies between the OP’s need to maintain their established life (school and job) and their preference for a less emotionally draining environment with their father, versus the mother’s emotional distress and the pressure exerted by the extended family to prioritize her feelings.
Is the OP the asshole for choosing to live with their father based on their own needs and preferences, despite the significant emotional turmoil and demands for support coming from their mother and extended family? Or does the mother’s emotional dependency and the family’s insistence place an unfair burden on the OP to sacrifice their own stability?
Here’s how people reacted:
Gapeless argumentation. The part with “emotionally drainig” was explained as emotional support animal. Sound exhausting.
>That was last week, my moms side of the family has gotten involved since telling me I need to keep my moms feelings in to account and support her and my grandma has gone as far as to demand I go live with my mom instead.
Oh, extended emotional draining?
>I am aware I am not the most emphatetic person far from it
I think, you judge yourself too hard. I think, you had to build these walls against your mum. Otherwise she would completely drain you. At first i thought, you should better go some halfway. Or “quaterway”. But this point is crucial: you have to stay by your dad for your own mental health. You will deal with this emotions better from the distance. I am talking serious. Your mum is not the only one person, who needs help, you need it too
Obvious and clear NTA.
Your ability to state your reasons is exactly why 16-year olds typically have greater input in custody decisions. And the emotional pressure from your mom’s side is why courts try to protect minors from bearing that burden.
Be kind yet firm with your mom. Tell her you’ll see her often and hope that she’ll always want the best for you.
You’re parents are screwing up right now. I hope they can pull it together for you.
Please tell your mom that a BIG issue is her living situation – the boyfriend. That if it were more one on one it would be better. Instant family is a bad move this early. You’re a kid and you shouldn’t have to parent your parent but evidently that’s the only way she’s going to get the message.
Even if it isn’t one week at a time, try to have a relationship with both parents. Ok? You need them even if you think you don’t.
Hugs.
Divorce is hard on everyone and you need to do what is best for YOUR mental health. If she calls crying or guilting you, give her one warning to stop and then hang up the phone. Rinse and repeat.
NTA. If your mother is treating you as an emotional support human, which I completely believe, then she’s acting inappropriately bordering on emotionally abusive.
Guess what though? Even if your mom was a perfect picture of healthy parenting and you wanted to live with your dad, you’re still NTA.
You’re a person. Your opinions and preferences matter. You’re nearing adulthood. Your decisions (within reason) should be yours.
Good luck!
“my moms side of the family has gotten involved since telling me I need to keep my moms feelings in to account and support her”. And your feelings dont count? I wonder why?
It turns out they do count. And there isnt much they can do about it apart from the emotional blackmail.
Luckily, it doesnt sound like its working. You do whats right for you.
Once again,
NTA
Being used as leverage and a constant point of contention would suck. Those arguments are the worst.
But. It will screw with your relationship with your mom. Idk maybe try to set up regular hang outs and stick to them if you’re up for it?
You’re old enough that a judge will listen to you.
>No intererst in living with 2 random kids 50% of the time
This is reason enough to stay full time where you want.
But you might want to consider that your life with your dad can change as well. He might end up starting a relationship with someone that has children as well.