During the party, the user overheard the bride and two friends speaking negatively about the friend’s young son while they were in the hot tub. The user secretly recorded a portion of this conversation where the bride agreed with critical remarks. After returning, the user played the recording for the friend, who then requested a copy and asked the user to delete the original file, leaving the user questioning whether their interference was appropriate.
I was invited to the bachelorette party for my friend’s fiance. It was over the long weekend at a vacation rental on the beach. There was booze, a hot tub, great food. It was definitely a hit.
At one point I was on the deck looking at the ocean, and the bride was drunk in the hot tub with two of her friends. She said she felt more relaxed than she had in a while. I assumed she was referring to wedding planning.
One of her friends asked if she was having trouble with the little monster. She said no, that he was manageable for now. At that point I realized they were talking about my friend’s son.
I took out my phone and started recording them.
The bride’s friends said horrible stuff about my friend’s son, and the bride responded positively to everything, laughing and agreeing. Then she said that it was too bad he wasn’t old enough to send to military school.
I stopped recording when their topic changed. I don’t think they ever realized I was close enough to hear them.
When we got back I asked to meet with my friend, and I played him the recording. He was quiet while he listened. After the recording was finished he asked me to send it to him, which I did.
Then he asked me to delete it, which I said I would do, but haven’t yet.
I feel like an asshole for interfering, I really do. However, I’m worried about my friend’s son. Depending on what my friend does, I might need to send this recording to the poor boy’s family.
I feel like I’ve overstepped, but what else can I do? Was I being an asshole?
Conclusion
The user is experiencing significant distress, feeling like an “asshole” for intervening in their friend’s relationship dynamics by sharing recorded evidence of the fiancée’s negative comments about his son. The central conflict lies between the user’s perceived duty to protect the child and their action of overstepping boundaries by secretly recording and presenting private conversations to the friend.
The core question for debate is whether the user’s actions of recording and sharing the sensitive conversation were an unjustified intrusion into the friend’s personal life, or if this intervention was a necessary, albeit difficult, step to protect the well-being of the child involved. Should the recording be deleted as requested, or kept as leverage?
Here’s how people reacted:
> She said no, that he was manageable for now
Some kids can be horrible and really difficult to deal with. Many kids have so much energy it can be a nightmare to deal with. But the bride said it’s manageable. And yeah sending a kid to a military school can be a way to instill discipline. Based on what you said, I don’t think this is the worst thing. Have you ever babysat or watched this kid before? Your friend may agree with everything too. It may be hell dealing with that kid and they could be doing everything right. She could’ve left a while ago knowing how the kid is. He could be destroying the house, yelling, kicking screaming all the time, may have a learning disadvantage or still need work processing his big feelings. Maybe there is progress with the kid but parenting is a marathon and she’s still signing up for it. And maybe she’s discussed the positives of all of this while putting up with this demon child.
I think your heart was in the right place. I also think step parents, soon to be step parents, and even actual parents, say some shit about kids that isn’t great.
Hell, I was a teacher. The way some teachers talk about students in the teachers lounge, or at a bar, my god. You’d think they hated all their students. And that couldn’t be further from the truth. But sometimes we say stuff and exaggerate.
This was blowing off steam, with friends, while a bit drunk. And unless someone sounded like he was going to be actually hurt, I think it was kinda shitty.
I have many friends with kids. A lot of them are in the 2-4 stage, and they’ve blatantly said “Johnny has been a little asshole lately” or something like that. These are very loving parents. But sometimes their kids drive them crazy.
I don’t think spying on her and videoing was right. I also understand why you were tempted to do it.
But it sounds like you raised it with his father (your friend) and he asked you to delete it (which you didn’t).
I’m unsure what you mean by “depending on what my friend does, i may need to send it to the poor boys family”, but given that your friend is his family – I’d say that you need to get a hobby and respect some boundaries.
Good to hear that youre looking out for the welfare of a friends child, but given youve already raised it with them, that’s where your responsibility ends.
What you did was clearly intentional and I suspect it had nothing to do with protecting the child. You seem intent on breaking up the wedding. To what end only you know.
Honestly what you captured doesn’t seem like anything too extreme for this situation. The girl was confiding in friends and for all you know she may already have told her fiancé about her feelings and they could be working on it.
You are despicable!!!
You were in a place where people were letting loose and there was a level of trust and you broke it.
Let’s be real, a lot of us moderate what we say to our partners.Sometimes we have to let loose with our friends and talk about how we really feel. In the end, the person recorded has been making an effort and doing what they need to about a situation they don’t love. Talking openly about it with their friends is their right to vent.
Plus, recording people without their knowledge is never cool.
The examples you gave aren’t that bad, and it’s drunk people saying dumb shit and probably isn’t representative of how she is with the kid or actually feels, also sounds like it was the friends saying stupid shit and her going along with this. But you chose to (possibly illegally depending where you live) record them in their private conversation then lob that grenade into the relationship
YTA
1) recording someone in private without their knowledge (also potentially breaking the law) and
2) not deleting the video when your friend specifically asked you to delete it. And
3) thinking you have any right whatsoever to contact your friend’s family “depending what he does”. That’s not your call to make.
Your friend will make a decision based on what HE wants to do. Not what YOU think he should do.
You never know. Maybe this will push them into family counseling or maybe the boy will start getting certain services if* his behavior goes beyond the normal scope. Inserting yourself more can make it worse.
Ultimately, she will become the child’s step mom so he as a father needs to know what he’s getting himself into and hopefully he can manage the situation so it resolves for the child who’s most important
Especially when they’re wasted talking shit with their friends in an environment where they think they are with their closest people they can trust. Regardless of what this girl said, you are 100% an asshole and also are you a girl too because I think you love the groom
Surely, the bride and groom can agree on excluding this friend from the wedding, and their life …. And then figure out how to co-parent.
Why does everyone feel the need to be a vigilante and snitch these days?
A shitty step can be an absolutely awful thing and drive a wedge between the dad and son.
You’re a complete B.