NTA for saying, “No, I will not be paying for any of this except my dinner.”

Time to talk to your husband. This is MIL’s surprise and she is taking advantage of you. And she is relying on you saying “Yes” to everything because she knows you are a people pleaser.

Stop dealing with her directly. Let hubs deal with MIL and her expectations of you planning and paying for her surprise dinner. She may complain that you are spoiling the surprise, but imagine how your husband is going to feel about you paying for everything when you didn’t plan and budget for this event. Does your husband even want to have dinner with these people? Maybe they are just her friends?

NTA 
The only rational response is – 

I have been happy to help you with the planning for your party but I cannot afford to pay for it for you.

Any response after that can be answered with:

Had you told me upfront that you were planning a party that you expected me to pay for I would have told you that we cannot afford this.

However, I am happy to contact everyone and let them know that although I was happy to help you with organizing, unfortunately, the party is canceled because you cannot afford it.

When she asked you to call the list of people and invite them, did you not ask her whether she was paying or everyone paying their own? How would you call a list of people without being prepared to answer this question, or tell them if they were expected to pay? I’d have been suspicious about why she was asking me to make the calls.

Beyond that, the time to **speak up** would have been when she asked if you were “okay paying”. For not doing at least that, YTA. (I’d have exploded at her.)

Ugh, I can see that this is an uncomfortable position for you! You are NTA for saying no!!
I’d phrase it to say that you were happy to make the reservations but not necessarily foot the entire bill. It should be understood by all invited that they are to cover their meals, drinks, etc. and you are happy to pay for you and your husband. If her intention was to have you pay from the get go, it should have been discussed from the start.

NTA. “I’m sorry, I didn’t plan to pay for anyone other than myself and hubby. So either they pay for themselves, you (MIL) pay or you will be canceling the reservation.” Put that in a text for proof of what the expectation is. If she goes with everyone pays for themselves then you need to make sure everyone that you invited knows this ASAP also, do it via text.

Your MIL wants to plan a dinner so she should pay for it and organise it. It doesn’t matter that she wants to invite your husband’s friends. Frankly, your MIL is a disgusting human being, trying to make you organise and pay for something she wants. Stop being a doormat, bite the bullet and tell her to organise the dinner herself.

If invited to a big group dinner, I would never assume that I wouldn’t be paying for my portion of it (unless it’s a wedding reception). She’s making weird assumptions that other people won’t. A quick “We had planned for everyone to cover their portion of the bill. Look forward to seeing you there!” is all that’s needed

Just call her up and say “I am so sorry, somehow I misunderstood and didn’t realize we would be paying for the dinner. We can’t afford to do that. I’ll go ahead and cancel the reservation. Let me know if you’d like me to reach out to everyone or if you can take care of letting them know. Again, my apologies.”

I’d be telling MIL that this is HER party…you just helped by making the reservation. You never agreed to foot the bill….her party, her guest list, she pays.

You already spent your money for you and husbands weekend get away.

Make sure you and husband leave your credit cards at home.

NTA, but you do have to be honest with her and let her know. It was her idea and her “guest list” therefore she should be paying. I understand that can be difficult to do but it will only make things better in the long run. Set the boundary now, before it escalates

You don’t invite people to a dinner and then later tell them they have to pay for themselves (unless that is the way the group has operated in the past). That would be just as rude as what your MIL did to you. Just cancel the dinner & go on your trip. NTA

NTA

You need to make it clear that you have no intention of paying for anyone other than perhaps the birthday boy. Make sure the friends know that too.

Does your partner actually like surprises? If not they it might be best to bring him in on the plans.

girl wtf?? she planned the whole thing, gave YOU the guest list and now she expect u to pay?? nahh this ain’t it. u def not the a**hole. just tell her straight up u can’t afford it n everyone can cover their own food. u not a bank

You’re not being rude by saying no, you’re being financially responsible. It’s completely okay to help organize something without being expected to bankroll it. She’s putting you in a weird spot, not the other way around.

You use your words and say No. You have your own plans, you won’t be attending her dinner, and you certainly aren’t paying for it.

I’m unclear why you’re confused as to what to do. Are you afraid of your MIL?

It is an awkward situation MIL has created and it will be awkward saying “No”. But it is best to bite the bullet and turn her down quickly before she gets up too much of a head of steam for this project.

Wow that’s tacky. Set the precedent now that you do your gifts and she does hers. And that you are in charge of actual main plans. She shouldn’t be dictating plans and costs and who pays what.

Definitely she planned it. Then foisted the payment on you then intended to take the credit for it all.

You must advocate for yourself. No matter the awkwardness

You got this

I would respond simply & directly – I am not paying for dinner. You planned this dinner, I expect you to pay for it or they can pay for themselves. I am not paying.

NTAH. But honestly this is a gift- if she can text u asking for money, you can just text ‚Paying for the meal isn’t possible‘ or not within my budget back.

NTA. If she wants to throw a surprise party for your husband she’s welcome to, but she doesn’t get to voluntell you that you’re paying for it!

NTA. So the surprise birthday dinner is she organizes it and you pay for it. SURPRISE!!!

Tell her you and your husband won’t be attending.

I was taught that you don’t invite friends to spend money. She got around that by having you do it. Smart or evil, I can’t tell.

His mom expected your husband to pay for the birthday dinner for himself that his mommy-dearest planned?!? What is wrong with her?

This is BS. You paying for this is also your husband paying for this. No mother is saying call up 8 friends and pay for it all.

She’s setting you up to look bad, nip that 💩 in the bud now. You are NTA for having boundaries, speak up!

“No I cant afford that, if thats the expectation then I will not be attending the dinner at all”

NTA

She planned the dinner and selected the people she wanted to come to the dinner – she should pay

NTA

Tell her point blank you aren’t paying. This is her idea and she needs to figure it out.

No is a complete sentence

Just no

You need add no further words, none

Spine. Use it

NTA

Time to cancel the dinner. Next time tell MIL to arrange and pay for the dinner herself.

I can help you how to say no, so just type “NO” and everything should be good 😅

NTA!

NTA. They tried to bully and bamboozle you into paying for their party. Not cool.

NTA. Just say no. You shouldn’t have to go into debt over a birthday dinner.

Feels like you are getting scammed by MIL. It’s her idea. She would pay

Sometimes people do things like this to see how much money you have

She planned it. She pays or you cancel.

You… don’t know how to say no?