Her pain is dismissed, her emotions invalidated, and her dignity shattered—all masked under the guise of a prank. In this moment, she stands alone against the callousness of those she cared for, grappling with the sting of betrayal and the harsh reality that some wounds run deeper than the surface.
I (15f) have been dating “Luke” (16m) for a year. This is the first time he’s pranked me.
Today, while he was at my house, he did this horrible prank on me. He put IcyHot in my bra. While I was taking a shower, he rubbed IcyHot all over the bra on top in my underwear drawer with two of his friend, “Liam,” and “Barry.” Then they left my room.
I changed and came downstairs.
It hurt like hell. I didn’t know what was going on. I kept grimacing and cringing and Luke was like “Enjoying your IcyHot? Oh yeah, YOU JUST GOT PRANKED!”
I snapped and told him to get out. He said “Calm down, it was a harmless prank, you are overreacting! You’ll regret overreacting tomorrow, it’s just a prank!”
He keeps saying calm down, I’m overreacting to a harmless prank, stop being such a drama queen.
I don’t think it was a prank, it still hurts. It was embarrassing (the three of them all saw my bras and underwear!) and painful, and he thinks I’m being dramatic, am overreacting, and need to calm down.
He keeps calling and texting me, and I *really* don’t want to talk to him right now.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is experiencing significant pain, embarrassment, and anger following a malicious act disguised as a prank by her boyfriend, Luke. The central conflict arises because Luke minimizes her physical pain and emotional distress, insisting she is overreacting to a ‘harmless’ joke, which directly invalidates her feelings and experience.
Given the severe nature of the physical discomfort and the boyfriend’s dismissal of her reaction, the core question remains: Can an act causing physical pain and humiliation truly be classified as a harmless prank, and does the victim’s negative reaction justify the perpetrator’s insistence that they ‘calm down’?
Here’s how people reacted:
ETA: Regular IcyHot does not contain capsaicin like I’d thought! It contains menthol and methyl salicylate. It still shouldn’t be put on sensitive areas or pressed into the skin for a long time, but due to menthol and not capsaicin.
IcyHot works because it contains capsaicin, which is the same ingredient that causes chili peppers to be spicy. Touching someplace sensitive with jalapeño juice on your fingers can cause a chemical burn. Same can happen with IcyHot when it’s used incorrectly. There’s a reason you are told not to put it on sensitive places (nipples or armpits) and it shouldn’t be wrapped or compressed into the skin (under the straps and band). It can cause injury.
Even beyond that, it was a massive invasion of privacy. You’re right, he showed himself and his friends all your underwear and bras behind your back. That’s the kind of thing that I’d dump someone over on its own, even without the bra sabotage.
It’s only a joke if everyone is laughing. Calling something a prank doesn’t excuse everything. Actions have consequences, and it’s about time your (ex?)boyfriend learns that.
Tampering with your bra is a red flag.
Being completely indifferent to your pain and embarrassment is a red flag.
Laughing and telling you to “calm down” when you’re (understandably) angry is a red flag.
Failing to give you space when you obviously don’t want to talk to him is a red flag.
Maybe this guy is an irredeemable asshole, or maybe he’s still too immature to be a good boyfriend. Either way, you’re probably better off breaking up with him. Good luck.
(Also, try using olive oil to get the icy hot to stop burning. Apply a generous amount on the affected area, then gently wipe it off with a tissue.)
There are several things wrong with this.
1. He caused you physical pain. He knew it would hurt, that’s the point.
2. He breached your privacy by showing your underwear to his friends. He knows underwear is private. He knows he did not have your consent. He did it anyway.
3. Not for nothing, but he damaged/risked damaging your property. Bras are expensive, and who knows if it’ll leave a grease mark.
Is this really the kind of guy you want to spend time and emotional energy on? There’s better guys out there, I promise.
Edit: thankyou for the awards, kind redditors
Nipples are sensitive, and he could have caused serious damage.
You might want to get checked out by a doctor, if you scratched a lot, and also because you don’t know how much he rubbed into your bra.
In high school, I accidentally put too much IcyHot in a sore shoulder, and it irritated my skin so much it looked like I had rubbed sandpaper on that part of the skin.
Also, he let his friends see you UNDERWEAR drawer. Nope. Not ok. He is gross. What if one of his friends was a perv?
He intentionally humiliated you, caused you physical pain, and then belittled you for not just acting like that was totally fine. That needs to be a 100 percent deal breaker for you. Obviously he’s going to tell you that you’re wrong, that you’re being melodramatic, and he’ll probably rope some idiots into backing him up on that, but stand your ground. You do not deserve to be in a relationship with someone who does things like that.
Do not shy away from this drama, Queen. Every person of dating age in dating distance should know absolutely all about this, so they can make informed choices about this guy, who should really be your ex.
NTA. This boy is trouble.
If he’s an asshole in other respects dump him.
\- He invaded your privacy
\- He invaded your privacy with two other guys
\- He physically harmed you
\- He invalidated your feelings
Tell him to put IcyHot in his underwear and put them on in front of you, and have him explain how much of a prank it is. Then break up with him.
I’d tell you how I know this, but you’re a child. Trust me though; it lasts ages.
Dump him.
ETA: I forgot to mention that milk helps. Like literally washing the affected area with milk.
Those who say he’s immature are understating it. He’s cruel and very, very stupid. Seriously, the guy’s a blithering idiot.
Of course, I assume you’re dumping him, right?
A good prank shouldn’t hurt anyone. Letting his buddies see, go through and touch your undergarments is also pretty inappropriate.
You’re not overreacting.
Tell him that you will calm down when, and only when, he puts IcyHot in his underwear and puts it on. After all, it’s only a harmless prank.