When the user noticed her speech slurring, he decided it was time to leave and paid the check, offering her a shared Uber ride. Although she initially agreed to one more drink across the street, she became loud and obnoxious after consuming more alcohol. After he insisted on leaving multiple times and refused her suggestion to go back to his place, she became angry and told him to stop telling her what to do before he left her at the bar. The user is now struggling with whether his decision to leave her was wrong, given his protective instincts toward his sisters.
I (25m) matched with a woman (25f) and we made plans to meet for food and drinks. We agreed to Uber to the restaurant about 6:30 PM. When I arrived, she was already at the bar drinking.
We then got a table. About an hour in, she seemed a little drunk but I didn’t mind. We were having fun. But she didn’t seem interested in eating. Finally I just ordered a few appetizers because I was starving.
When the food came, she ate like 3 bites. I suggested she order something else but she told me she doesn’t get hungry when she’s drinking. She was drinking quite a lot and eventually, I noticed a slight slur in her speech, so I decided it was time to call it a night.
I paid the check and offered to share an Uber with her and drop her off on the way. She asked me if we could go across the street to another bar for one more. I agreed because I did feel a connection with her, but I made it clear that I really had to go home soon because I have work early in the morning.
She agreed that we would go home after one more.
We get to the bar and she ordered a double Jack and Coke, as well as a shot for each of us. After we took the shot and finished one drink each, I told her I was calling the Uber, and once again offered her a ride.
She tried to get me to stay for another but I nicely declined and told her I’d like to see her again another time (I meant it).
This is when things went bad. I guess that last drink and shot really did her in because she was starting to get loud and obnoxious. I tried multiple times to nicely tell her we should leave, but she kept flirtatiously saying things like, “Are you trying to take advantage of me?
I’m not that kind of girl!” I even offered to order her own Uber home – separate from mine – but she told me she wasn’t ready to go home yet. She then told me that if I stayed for one more, she’d come back to my place with me.
I said no thank you. I asked if there was anyone I could call to pick her up but she said no. When my Uber arrived, I offered one more time to take her home and she still refused, but this time she seemed pissed and told me to stop telling her what to do.
She also called me a pussy. People were starting to stare. The last thing I wanted was to make a scene. Finally I just walked out and left her there. By this time it was 11 PM which is a little late for me because I wake up at 5 for work.
She was blowing up my phone for over an hour and cursing me out for leaving. I ended up blocking her and going to sleep. The next day I woke up to 9 messages from her on Facebook messenger.
She had found my profile and called me every name in the book because I “abandoned her at a bar”. I ignored the name-calling and asked if she got home ok. She hasn’t responded. I’m struggling a little because normally, I’d never do this to a woman.
I have 2 sisters and I’d hate for a guy to just leave them alone if they were that drunk. But at the same time, I don’t think it’s my responsibility to force her to leave. I tried multiple times and she refused.
AITAH?
Conclusion
The central conflict revolves around the user’s perceived responsibility for his date’s intoxication and behavior versus his right to set personal boundaries and leave an uncomfortable situation. While the user felt compelled by protective instincts (like those he has for his sisters) to ensure her safety, the date actively resisted his suggestions and became verbally aggressive when he tried to enforce an end to the evening.
Did the user abandon his date in a vulnerable state by leaving her at the bar after she refused his offers to help her get home, or was he justified in prioritizing his own departure once she became verbally abusive and refused all reasonable attempts to secure her safe transport? This requires weighing the duty of care in a first date situation against the right to disengage from escalatingly difficult behavior.
Here’s how people reacted:
Life pro tip
If you are meeting for a first date and the person is already drinking when you get there…it’s a red flag
The reality is, this woman is an alcoholic
You didn’t abandon her
You asked her multiple times if you could help her get home and she not only declined, she yelled at you and called you names…before telling you she’s sleep with you if you kept drinking
Clearly she made it home alright and was aware enough to text and call you
So just move on with your life
And if someone asks you about this, maybe exaggerate a little about how drunk she was when you got there, how she refused to eat, and just wanted to keep getting shitfaced
Normally I’d be jumping on the “never leave a drunk girl at bar alone” bandwagon whole-heartedly but the fact is you tried everything short of kidnapping the girl to get her to go home. There was nothing more you could have done. Adults can make their own choices, even when the choices are stupid ones. Luckily it sounds like she made it home safely (or she’d be bitching about how it was your fault she got groped or worse). As long as you do everything you can to try to not leave a drunk girl at a bar alone then you’re NTA
You’re not at all the AH here. You’re also not responsible for getting this girl to admit that she has a problem. This kind of behavior happens in college. It shouldn’t keep happening in your mid twenties.
She’s an alcoholic she’s got issues and you dodged a bullet. This is definitely not the person you need in your life.
You tried to do the right thing and get her a ride home but she was done before you went to the next bar. I had a date like this once that she called the cops on me. It was not worth it be thankful that it ended in this way and not worse.
She is responsible for her own safety and made the choice to continue drinking. At that point, the responsibility is hers and her only. NTA
People on here are so selfish. You were the adult in the room and she wasn’t able to think clearly.
YTA and it’s not even debatable.
You shouldn’t have offered, you should have helped her
You made a smart decision. Block her on all social media.
You did nothing wrong and she probably needs to seek some AA meetings.
You’re NTA.
She has a problem with alcohol.
Been there, dodged that bullet!
NTA