But the sanctuary she built began to crumble as her older brother, seeking convenience, gradually took over her space. What started as occasional visits turned into an overwhelming presence, his belongings invading her home and her peace, forcing her to confront the painful reality that her hard-won independence was being overshadowed by family expectations and sacrifice.
I (F23) have an older brother (32). I moved out of my parent’s house earlier than him and found a small place for myself that is really close to my job. The place is not the biggest, it’s a one bed room apartment – but it is enough for one person and rent is very cheap so I’m extremely happy with it.
I put a lot of work into it and made sure it’s my little happy space.
Recently my brother started staying over now and then, I don’t have a problem with that, he works the nightshift and my place is also closer to his job than my parent’s house. The problem began when he started brining more and more of his stuff to my place.
He brought his PS4, started gaming in my living room and is overall just being a terribly inconsiderate guest and treats me like our mom.
I brought this up with my parents and my dad suggested that I should let my brother live there and get myself a new apartment, he said I should look for a bigger place because my brother makes less money and he could afford my place and I could find something better.
But I don’t want a bigger apartment. I have no plans to have a family or partner where I would need anything more than one bed room. And I put so much work in to personalizing my apartment that this feels so unfair.
My parents said I’d be an asshole for both, kicking my brother out now for staying over and not giving him the place. Is that true?
Edit with some additional info: My brother does not pay rent to me, he used to stay here for only a couple of days but it’s been turning into weeks.
Edit 2: I did contact my landlord as of today, she hasn’t responded yet but she’s nice so I hope she’ll understand my situation. Also, additional info – I didn’t know my parents or my dad would react like this.
I thought he’d help me talk to him, we don’t have a bad relationship. I am trying to figure out why he thinks my brother should have my apartment too, but my dad hasn’t been responsive since that conversation.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing a conflict where her personal boundaries regarding her small, cherished apartment are being violated by her older brother’s extended, uncompensated stay and increasing accumulation of his belongings. Her emotional distress is compounded by her parents siding with the brother, suggesting the OP should sacrifice her living situation for his benefit, framing her desire to maintain her space as selfish.
Is the OP an ‘asshole’ for wanting to reclaim her personal space, which she carefully established and enjoys, from her brother who is overstaying his welcome without contributing financially, or should she yield her preferred living situation to accommodate her brother’s needs as suggested by her parents?
Here’s how people reacted:
This is your apartment. You found it, you pay for it, and you like it there. Your brother is completely taking advantage of your hospitality at this point. Staying over occasionally is one thing, but starting to move his stuff in and behave like an overgrown teenager is quite another.
Your parents’ attitude also absolutely stinks. Again, this is your apartment that you found and you pay for. They have no right to dictate what you do with it. It sound like they want him out of their home – not surprised when he’s 32! – but that doesn’t mean you have to give him yours! How on earth they think this is acceptable, I don’t know. Has he always been the golden child?
Personally, if he has a key, I would take it back off him and make it clear that this is not his home, and in future any time he wants to stay, he needs to ask in advance. I’d have his stuff bundled up and waiting for him as well.
This reminds me of that awful post (maybe in entitled people?) where the parents demanded the OP give his house to his brother because his brother had kids and needed the space, and OP came home to find the lock drilled out and the whole family moving brother and family in. Not saying your family is that entitled, but it’s still worth setting boundaries now and making sure you are the only one who has legal access to your home.
Remove your brother’s things IMMEDIATELY so he can’t pull anything, and STOP letting him stay at your place. Bring his belongings to your parents place, if they’re so concerned with his having a place to stay then he can stay with them. They created this mess, they can clean it up.
I’d suggest considering going low contact (AT MINIMUM, no contact may be needed) until things settle (if not permanently). You’re literally the only person in this situation who isn’t a massive asshole. And I’d bet money you’re so used to your parents treating you a certain way, and your brother another certain way, that that’s the reason you’re so unsure of yourself. So I also would like to suggest therapy. I went with the same thing growing up with my parents and half-brother, and therapy is how I finally learned to set boundaries and stick to them.
Whatever you do, NEVER let him receive mail at your place. Report him to your landlord, if you have to. He could try to squat your place and it would literally take an eviction to get him out. Don’t compromise your standing, as a tenant! Force him out now. Don’t take any money from him and don’t let him bring anything else in.
If your father is telling his own daughter to give up her apartment, he could be telling his son to just take it. Protect yourself and your home at all costs. This is abusive.
It’s YOUR apartment. YOU’RE paying the rent. It’s YOUR name on the rental agreement.
Stay where you are. Boot him out! He can find himself another apartment.
It’s a ONE BEDROOM apartment. It’s for ONE single person or an intimate couple.
Check your rental agreement, see if there is a way your landlord can help you move him out.
You are being taking advantage of. Just kick him out and don’t lose any sleep over it.
They’re MORE than welcome to help him find a DIFFERENT cheap place to live. Change the locks. Move him back home.
>He brought his PS4, started gaming in my living room and is overall just being a terribly inconsiderate guest and treats me like our mom.
If he wants to be a teenage boy he can stay with mummy and daddy.