AITA for refusing to help my GF look for her nose piercing after she lost it for a *sixth* time?

In the quiet moments of a birthday celebration, a simple gift—a nose piercing—became a symbol of love and sacrifice, costing a semi-broke university student a precious $90. What should have been a joyful milestone turned into a test of patience and resilience as the piercing slipped away, not once but four times, swallowed by the unforgiving kitchen and bathroom sinks.

Each loss was a small heartbreak, a reminder of the fragility of dreams and the unexpected challenges life throws in the way. Yet, amidst the grime and plumbing struggles, there was a shared relief and unspoken determination, a testament to the bond between two people navigating the messy, unpredictable journey of growing up together.

AITA for refusing to help my GF look for her nose piercing after she lost it for a *sixth* time?

Recently I took her to go get her nose pierced cos it was her birthday & she’s always wanted to do it. It cost me around $90 which deffo isn’t chump change cos I’m a semi-broke university student.

So we were over at her parent’s and she accidentally flushed it down the kitchen sink. Don’t ask me how, I wasn’t next to her. Her father took apart the piping underneath and managed to shake it out which was really good.

She & I were both relieved. But over the past week she’s lost it *three more times*. Every time it went down our bathroom sink & I’d have to take a not insignificant amount of time to take apart the plumbing (which is nasty in its own right) and get it out.

I asked her how in Jesus’ name she keeps losing it and she says that when she does a toner scrub (pours toner on a cotton pad & scrubs her face) she accidentally rips it out. Now look.

I used to have a stud so I know how easy it can be to lose it but I always made sure to watch it when I was washing my face. All it takes is a bit of effort really.

So this morning she wakes me up and tells me that she’s flushed it down the god damn sink AGAIN. Obviously I’m really annoyed at this point. As I’m taking apart the plumbing once again, I tell her that this is the last time I’m doing this and that she better watch me so she knows how to do it in case she loses it again.

She says fine, okay, whatever. I find it and it’s all good.

Guess what happened an hour ago? Yep, she flushed it down the sink. For. The. Sixth. Time. And I say, look. I told you I’m not going to do it again. I didn’t say I told you so, or you’re being dumb, or anything like that.

I said that that sucks but I am not going to take it apart again. Like, she’s got hands too. She’s seen me do it so many times by now she should know how to do it.

She got frustrated with me and said I’ve done it so many times so why not do it again. That made me laugh because if she really wanted me to do it then that would’ve been the worst possible thing to say.

She asked me to call a plumber I said no I can’t afford that. She then threatened to call her dad to do it and I laughed again, like am I supposed to be scared of that? lol

She’s just been crying really hard now & I feel bad about refusing to do it. Should I just suck it up and do it anyways?

Here’s how people reacted:

Garlicknottodaysatan

NTA. You set a boundary and even taught her how to do it herself. The fact that she refused makes me think she probably wasn’t even paying attention because she’d already decided she was going to tell you to do it next time too.

This is not a one-off accident, and if she knows what’s causing it, she has no excuse for not taking preventative measures. Can’t she at least just take out the piercing when she’s doing her face routine and then put it back in? (Tbf, I don’t know anything about nose piercings.)

If she loses it again, maybe she should have to buy herself a new one. Perhaps if it’s her money that paid for it, she might treat it more responsibly. When it’s someone else’s money, she doesn’t seem to care.

Joey-Pope

NTA $90 for a nose piercing? That’s really steep it’s about £10 here in the UK. I would tell your GF that clearly the stud isn’t working out for her and go for a hoop/ring or learn to take the stud out before scrubbing her face and put it back in after. To be honest she sounds quite immature has anybody ever told her no?

Edit: it’s been a while since I had a piercing so looked it up at a local piercing place and it’s now £25 for a nose. Still not anywhere near $90.

tlovewutwut

NTA. tell her she needs to plug the sink and put the toner GENTLY AROUND her piercing, she’s not even supposed to be scrubbing her face that hard with a cotton pad and toner in the first place

what she’s doing is only irritating the piercing and prolonging the healing process, it’s gonna have problems down the road if she doesn’t keep it in her nostril. tell her to get a captive bead hoop or a screw stud

ASereneDeath

NTA honestly, how did she not learn this after the first time?

Put a stopper or a washcloth over the drain

Do your toner anywhere but over the sink

Skip putting toner on your nose, which she should be doing any way since toners generally contain alcohol and will likely irritate her piercing

$90 down the drain but she won’t learn if you keep her from feeling the consequences of her own actions.

Jazzysuccs

NTA. I have heaps of piercings so I understand how easy it is to lose them but it’s her responsibility. She shouldn’t be scrubbing shit into her new piercing anyway, maybe she needs to buy a different type of jewellery for her nose that won’t come out so easy or just backups or even try taping it when she’s cleaning her face. But again it’s not your responsibility to find it for her

thechaotictrash

NTA. I’ve had my nose pierced for 2 years now and I have never lost my jewelry, so 6 times is absolutely ridiculous. I made sure to pick either a ring, or the “L-bend” or “screw” studs. The metal bends inside your nose instead of just being a pin so it’s a lot less likely to fall out. I also make sure to have back-up jewelry just in case one of mine do fall out.

LittleMissToxin13

INFO can you describe the stud that she has? Ex: a corkscrew, a labret stud or a bone? I’m trying to think about how this could be happening and all I’m landing on is that you went to a crappy piercer and she was pierced with something she shouldn’t have been. A good piece when properly put in by a piercer should be really hard to accidentally take out.

brightsm1th

NTA, but in the interest of preserving your relationship, maybe you could show her how to take apart the plumbing to get it back herself? if she doesnt want to learn, thats all on her, and youve gone above and beyond in your duty as her partner. if she does learn, youre free of that task.

totesnotanalien

NTA at all. 6 times? I’m seriously shocked she’s crying that you won’t get it for her after losing it *6 times*. I ripped my stud out ONCE without noticing and it never happened again after that. Tell her to save up for a ring if she really wants one, that might be harder to pull out.

BazTheBaptist

NTA. you warned her. She’s a grown adult, she can do it herself. All she has to do is put the plug in and this wouldn’t keep happening. Obviously she doesn’t care to do she can deal with it. Wouldn’t surprise me that after she’s done it once she stops doing it.

niborosaurus

NTA. I work at a tattoo/piercing shop, and it astounds me how people manage to lose their jewelry over and over and over. Tell her to buy a hoop or a corkscrew style post and stop touching it. She shouldn’t be using toner on a fresh piercing anyway.

meepmeepmeeppp

NTA and your girlfriend really needs to be able to do this herself. I understand being grossed out by nasty pipes but if she can’t remember to plug the sink or take care using her toner she really doesn’t need a nose piercing.

bren0kx

NTA obviously. This is the second time *today*? Presumably your girlfriend has functioning limbs and is capable of taking the plumbing apart, or at least asking you to verbally walk her through it, wtf is she 5?

failedantidepressant

NTA. Why does she keep taking the piercing out? And why would anyone take the plumbing apart to look for it? It’s not diamond ring. She shouldn’t have piercings if she can’t handle it.

Conclusion

The original poster (OP) is clearly frustrated by the repeated loss of the expensive nose stud, which necessitated time-consuming and unpleasant plumbing repairs four times after the initial incident. The central conflict lies between the OP’s financial constraint and limited patience, contrasted with the girlfriend’s repeated carelessness and expectation that the OP should continue to resolve the problem for her.

Given the OP has already set a clear boundary by refusing the sixth request, the debate hinges on whether the OP should sacrifice their time and comfort to accommodate the girlfriend’s consistent negligence, or if the girlfriend must accept full responsibility for her actions and learn the necessary maintenance skill.