What began as a hopeful new chapter spiraled into a painful test of patience and values, as entitlement and unreasonable demands threatened to fracture the bonds she was trying to build. In the quiet spaces of her family home, an emotional storm brewed, challenging her resolve to protect her son, her legacy, and her sense of fairness.
My BF (34) of 3 years just moved in to my (32F) 3 bedroom home 5 months ago. This home has been in my family for the past 70 years. I have a 5yo son. He has a 13yo daughter. I made sure I moved all of my stuff out of my office and put it in the loft so she could have her own bedroom.
I think it was about a month in to him living here that his daughter wanted to move in with us full time- as she doesnt have her own bedroom at her moms. I was completely fine with this.
Anyways, I started running in to a lot of problems not even a week after she moved in full time. She became really…entitled and demanding. Like demanding that my son trade rooms with her because it has a bigger closet and pitched a huge fit when I said no.
Or demanding we buy her expensive clothes or makeup because I’m a real estate agent and I “have loads of money”. Call me crazy but I’m not about to drop $120 on a pair of ripped up jeans or drop $200 on 3 pieces of makeup.
Her dad works but his income is significantly less than mine so she really just expected me to be the one who spoils her rotten. Or pushing her plate of food away and saying “I’m not eating that but you can cook me something else.” I can deal with her childish tantrums and slamming doors but she has now started to put holes in my walls and my BF makes excuses saying he used to do the same thing and she will grow out of it.
She torments my son. If he says anything to her she literally ALWAYS responds with “Oh you’re talking to me? Swap rooms with me and I will think about responding.” Her dad literally never attempts to correct her behavior and I’m told I’m being too harsh if I do.
The tip of the mountain for me here was 2 weeks ago there was a foul smell coming from her room so I asked her to clean it because you couldnt see the floor. She said “Uhm no? It’s my room so I dont see why you have any say on how I treat my personal space.” Her father actually agreed with her.
3 days later the smell had become so bad that I lost it. I told her to clean it or she was moving out. This was AFTER I saw at least 6 used menstrual pads thrown throughout her room as well as half eaten food and moldy drink cups.
She starts crying and saying I’m treating her like she is Cinderella and I’m acting like an evil step mom. I told my BF either he handles it or they’re both gone. He clearly didnt believe me because he told me that I needed to “lighten the fuck up” because his daughter is “having a rough time transitioning and being away from her mom”.
I gave it a week, nothing changed. I went and got an eviction notice drawn up and gave them 30 days to vacate my property and told him hes lucky I’m not suing for damages. He says I’m an AH for throwing away 3 years because I “cant handle not having my own way”?
AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) found herself in a conflict where her established home and boundaries were aggressively challenged by her boyfriend’s teenage daughter, leading to significant property damage and emotional distress. Her efforts to maintain order and hygiene were met with defiance from the stepdaughter and a failure by the boyfriend to enforce necessary behavioral changes, ultimately forcing the OP to choose between her property rights and the relationship.
Is the OP justified in issuing an eviction notice to her long-term partner and his daughter due to the severe disrespect, financial demands, and property damage, or did she prematurely escalate the situation by not prioritizing her partner’s defense of his child’s ‘difficult transition’ over her established household rules?
Here’s how people reacted:
Also, I know kids that age have basically know concept of how finances work considering most of them have never had a job but she needs to understand that her expectations of being spoiled like this are not reasonable. I’m sorry but the expensive trends some teenagers have these days are ridiculous, I’ve seen tiktoks where teens talked about throwing out a closet’s worth of clothes that were still in good condition just because they were two months out of fashion, or doing SHEIN hauls worth hundreds of dollars. You can get perfectly fine clothes at Old Navy or makeup at the drugstore and save your money for something more useful. You’ve given them both a warning and now you need to stick to your word. NTA but your boyfriend is for not doing his job as a parent.
Like father like daughter.
You are definitely NTA here. I don’t know why you would think otherwise– so what if she has to share a room with a sibling when she moves back in with her mom? It’s not like she’s homeless. I mean I feel like maybe she’d benefit from therapy and learning some empathy, but this is so beyond the pale for a parent to deal with, especially when she’s allowed to get away with it.
In addition, this type of behavior is something your son should not be witness to, let alone be around someone so out of control they are putting holes in your home and making at least one room a near biohazard. I’d also be worried how your (now ex) boyfriend would treat your son.
edit words are hard
She sounds like a monster, but in reality she really is just a hormonal teenager going through a hard transition. Seeking material goods / wanting to be spoiled isn’t uncommon for kids in separation situations, and pushing boundaries is a teenage rite of passage (all of us were at least a little dickish as teens). That said, the behavior isn’t supposed to go unchecked. It’s the father’s duty to acknowledge his daughter’s emotions but also intervene on her misbehavior. You dont say “oh well lighten up” you talk to her about how shes feeling and discuss better coping mechanisms. Dad is failing here.
Furthermore, she’s a moody teen and those are difficult to deal with. Who could ever blame you for not wanting to be responsible?
He’s not parenting her. A parent steps in and protects both children and he’s allowing his daughter to mistreat what would have been a sibling.
That’s not remotely acceptable let alone the amount of disregard this child has for any authority figure.
She has anger problems and thinks it’s perfectly acceptable behavior to damage property when she’s upset. She’s not a toddler but she is acting like it.
You have your sons emotional health to worry about. They are not homeless they have her moms house or other family to turn to.
ESH – you suck for throwing your relationship away so quickly
BF sucks for not handling his daughter
Kid sucks for being a slob though it’s not an odd thing for kids (especially teens) to be gross, to push as hard as they can, and to test your limits but she did and you basically told her eh kid you’re not worth my love and care so her test worked and you proved her right
She is actively damaging your property, treating you & your son shamefully and maintaining her room as a health hazard. Her father is supporting this behavior.
You have a right to protect yourself and your property from harm and you have an *affirmative duty* to ensure your son’s safety, physical, emotional and environmental.
The girl has some clear issues and it’s her parents’ job to take care of it. Also, if your boyfriend – her father – is acting so entitled to your money, time and effort and tells you to just do more (so rude!!!), I kinda see where that girl got her behaviour from…
You gave him an opportunity to parent, and he managed to turn it back on you. He can take his entitled little beastie that he created and GTFO. Bullying and mistreating your 5yo would have been my breaking point.