NTA. As someone else said, you’re debating over semantics. Your situation technically fits within the definition, but this argument really wasn’t about whether or not you’re infertile. The fact that she was so disproportionately and inappropriately upset about it points to the fact. Yes, there are people who struggle with infertility and are triggered by x, y, and z, but their trauma and inability to regulate their own emotions are not your problems to bear. It doesn’t give them the right to explode on you or treat you as lesser than. Our society still elevates those who want children, so the people who don’t are seen as lesser than. Strange, offensive, not needing their holiday time at work, etc. Sorry, no. Your situation is just as traumatic and serious as someone who can’t have a child even though you don’t want one. Yes, you could’ve been much more precise and used a better term to describe your situation… but this is a work environment. You don’t owe anyone at work a detailed explanation or justification of your very private medical issues. You summed it up in a word off the top of your head, and that was the easiest one. Again, it is fitting. If someone is that offended, or frankly, at all offended, that is not you, it’s them.

She also created a hostile work environment with an edited performance review of your uterus. That alone makes her an asshole. She could have said, “Oh you’re technically fertile, but can’t carry to term, I see…” Or anything along those lines.

Consider alerting HR in case this escalates.

I mean, I guess technically you’re unable to have a living baby so you’re…infertile?

I can see the use case and so for that reason I understand where you’re coming from. I’d probably switch it to “I can’t have kids anyway” in mixed company if you care to not upset anyone, simply because anyone who is trying to have a baby and is struggling with infertility would likely be upset by that.

Say, for instance, me. I could walk away from the conversation and get where you’re coming from but I have been trying to get pregnant for over a year and it’s been very hard on me. My brother and SIL dealt with infertility for three years before going to genetic specialists and then through some intense IVF to have their child. Calling yourself infertile feels insensitive, despite you not intending it that way.

You never have to reveal your medical details to anyone but I do think the general understanding of “infertile” puts you at a disadvantage when you’re talking to people about your ability to give birth.

As for the woman who got on your case— maybe she knows someone who is trying to conceive. You don’t know her story and she doesn’t know yours. I’d walk away and not think too much of it, that’s her offense to bear, not yours.

I had doctors telling me for YEARS that due to chronic illness, I should avoid pregnancy. If I were to carry to term, best case: I end up paralyzed. Worst case: I die.

(Usually followed by: but we won’t approve a hysterectomy because what if your husband wants kids, but I digress).

I only vaguely wanted kids, and I’m queer, so it’d be a whole thing anyway. I was sad about it a little, but honestly, I wouldn’t choose to pass any of these issues on to a child.

Now, I am also medically infertile, as I no longer have the equipment, but even before that, I used the term, because I was infertile.

NTA

(Side note: I also have endometriosis, which I begged doctors to look into for years, it was finally confirmed when I had the yeeterus; it was so bad that my surgeon had to call for backup to scrape it off of my colon. But again, I digress)

I think your coworker was just being nitpicky. Arguing for arguing’s sake. I would try my best not to be offended by it. But due to the drama this has caused, next time just say, I can’t have children. You don’t owe any other explanation and honestly even saying that is a gift you don’t need to give.

If this dramatic shit keeps up from her, she says again that it is insulting for infertile people etc. You can say, “I’m sorry, for my part, I’ll take your incessant criticism of my semantics under advisement for any future conversations I have on the topic. I would also hope that in the future you’re a little more considerate to those with genetic diseases that prevent successful and healthy pregnancies.”

NTA. In the future, you might consider just saying that you are infertile and don’t want to discuss it. It’s really no one’s business WHY except you, and anyone close you wish to share it with. Alternatively you could simply say that you don’t want kids, and just stick to that part of the conversation.

This lady is conflating a medical condition with feelings. I know lots of people have strong feelings about pregnancy, but it’s none of their business what’s going on with you unless you choose to tell them. Personally, this is the sort of thing that I try to avoid because I don’t want to butt up against others biases, but if I can’t I brush it off with a joke about being happy with my current state.

NAH
Your coworker is *technically* right, but that’s a bit like arguing that Sleeping Beauty wasn’t in a coma: okay, it’s not the right term for it, but ultimately it doesn’t really change anything.
But also we don’t know why she took it to heart. She might know someone who is infertile and has expressed her own views about the issue, for example. I don’t think the whole argument was necessary, in both sides.

Given that I’m not infertile myself and don’t know how an infertile woman who wanted children would feel about that, I would personally opt for something like “can’t have children because of a medical issue (but didn’t want any anyway)” to describe the situation, but that’s just me.

NTA…. I had a kid but became infertile in my 20s still. I would probably just say “I can’t have kids” from now on. That’s what I usually say anyways. BUT I’m not offended and get what you’re saying. The end result is the same. I don’t have a uterus, it would be medically devastating if you got pregnant so it can’t happen. Both of us can’t have kids.

Her spreading that toxic sh*t does seem like you probably need to take it to HR if possible. That’s not cool and stuff that could be even upsetting to others. She’s just being offensive and gross and needs to be reined in.

I’m infertile. I don’t disagree that you fit the definition but I do think that to avoid disagreements like the ones you have had with your friend you could say something like the following-

*I cannot safely carry a pregnancy.*

Clear, concise, and if you want to be more specific ao that they can’t pick it apart you can add *due to an underlying health condition.* Infertility is a broad, vast array of diagnoses (and in the case of unexplained infertility, almost a lack of diagnosis) and you fit it but just because it fits doesn’t mean it’s the best description.

Yeah, NTA because if you DID want to have kids and many women actually want the experience of the pregnancy, you WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO. So yes, you would have experienced the mental distress if this was something you wanted. Not sure if medically this is considered infertile nut many women are technically fertile but can’t carry a pregnancy and they are considered infertile so I don’t know why this wouldn’t count as such. Regardless of the actual medical terms you are definitely NTA and not diminishing anyone else’s struggles by describing yourself as infertile.

ESH.

You’re not infertile. The Mayo Clinic and the World Health Organization both say that infertility is the inability to conceive after trying to conceive for a period of time. Since you say yourself you can get pregnant, you are not infertile by multiple medical experts definitions. Calling yourself infertile is both wrong and confusing (when you explain the context like in your post).

Your coworker shouldn’t have pressed the issue, nor should be gossiping about you at work like they’re still in high school.

NTA

Infertility isn’t just about the inability to get pregnant, it can also be the inability to carry a pregnancy to term. Plenty of infertile women are able to conceive initially, but suffer recurrent miscarriages

You may be able to get pregnant, but you cannot carry a pregnancy to term. This makes you infertile. Idk why your coworker got so upset about this, if she herself isn’t struggling with infertility (if she were, then I could probably see it, since it would hit more of a personal sore spot)

EsH

Your coworker went overboard, and it was unnecessary. However technically she is correct…you are not infertile. Why can’t you just say ” I can not carry a baby, or I can not maintain a pregnancy for health reasons”? That is actually more accurate and will avoid these issues.

Fir many woman who find out they are infertile it is life altering in terms of their whole identity. I understand the knee jerk reaction to someone identifying as such when they aren’t.

I would argue this from a different point of view.

You are not infertile.
You are capable of *getting pregnant*.

Getting pregnant could be a death sentence for you, but that does not stop your body from being able to do this thing.

I would argue that you are in far more danger, because you are not actually infertile.

If you were assaulted and live in a red state,  your *life* would be at risk – because you are not infertile.

I won’t say you’re an AH and your coworker definitely took it too far. But I do think infertile is the incorrect term; you are unable to carry a pregnancy but could theoretically conceive through a surrogate. I can understand how someone without that option might take issue with your description but it doesn’t seem to the case here, your coworker just decided to get offended on behalf of other people.

it’s semantics. okay so by the technical definition of the word infertile you are not. but you’re not able to have children. 

it’s a shortcut in language to explain your situation without having to explain your situation. if you want to avoid this kind of thing in the future, if they ask how or why, tell them you’re not comfortable giving them that personal information and move on.

NTA

Prying as much as she did is asinine af. Should you feel like divulging this much in the future (don’t) just say “it’s due to a medical condition I don’t feel like sharing.” Is it not bad enough you can’t have kids without this clown or others throwing in their 2 cents? NTA in the slightest, but you’ve got to respect yourself enough not to be telling anyone your business. F em.

Women can be infertile and not want kids for themselves. Not every infertile woman is pining for the lost cause. So she overreacted. However, given that infertility is a bit of a sensitive subject for many women, I would probably just word is as “I can’t have kids” or “I couldn’t carry to term” instead of saying infertile, just to avoid awkward situations like this.

I wouldn’t say that you are infertile. My husband struggles with infertility and we have tried to have kids multiple ways with multiple fertility treatments and everything has failed. It’s been extremely challenging. So I kind of agree maybe don’t use the word infertile, but just say you can’t have kids do to (however you want to phrase it).

NTA, by definition posted by someone else above you ARE infertile since you can’t carry a pregnancy to term. But if you’re really insecure how to express it without offending others (which I wouldn’t bother about in your case), you could also say something like „I cannot have kids due to medical reasons“ or similar.

NTA I was considered infertile because I could get pregnant but carrying to term came with a lot of difficulties. Even after two successful pregnancies it was still considered infertility. It wasn’t until my hysterectomy that I was considered sterile and could neither get pregnant or carry to term.

NTA if you cannot continue a pregnancy to term, you are infertile. Doesn’t matter if you can technically get pregnant, if you are sure to die from it or the fetus to die.

Your coworker just want to be offended on behalf of others. Probably mad because you don’t want kids or know you’re gay.

Nta.
I have heart failure. My cardiologist told me to never get pregnant cause my heart can barely keep me alive so pregnancy would be catastrophic. I want kids eventually, but I cant have them physically. If your body physically cannot handle a baby, its also an infertility issue.

NTA

You know, even if you were using the word incorrectly (English is not my first language and I am not sure), her demanding an explanation and then hearing about your situation and her first reaction to that is to be mad at you just seem unempathetic to me.

Not the a-hole but your coworker sure is. While she is technically correct with the phrasing, I don’t believe any other phrasing accurately pinpoints your issue. Idk why she takes such umbrage with it.

NTA

that’s essentially functionally infertile.

Having a baby would most likely kill you.

Distress is not required

NTA.

Infertile means can’t have a baby. The medical details and technicalities as to why, do not matter.