AITA for soaking my underwear in my sink

She manages her menstrual cycle with care, using a menstrual cup and period underwear, navigating the intimate and often unspoken realities of womanhood. Yet, this simple, personal routine becomes a quiet battleground when her husband voices discomfort over the presence of her underwear in their shared space, revealing the delicate tension between understanding and misunderstanding in their relationship.

His insistence on moving her soaking underwear out of the sink, despite the practicality and hygiene of her methods, uncovers a deeper discomfort with the visible traces of her cycle. This clash isn’t just about sanitation; it’s about confronting the raw, often stigmatized truths of the female body, challenging both their perceptions and the silent barriers between them.

AITA for soaking my underwear in my sink

I (37 F) use a combination of menstrual cup and period underwear for my menstrual cycle. Sometimes when I’m done with a pair of underwear I will rinse them out before washing, other times I let them soak for a little while in my sink first.

Last night my husband asked me if there was an alternative to me leaving my underwear in my sink (we each have our own sink). He said he considers it unsanitary.

I asked him why it’s a problem since he has his own sink and he didn’t really have an answer, but just kept saying it’s unsanitary and said he wouldn’t soak his dirty socks in the sink.

His preference is for me to get a separate container (presumably from our kitchen) and soak them in the tub. I think he just doesn’t like to see the blood, because this solution doesn’t strike me as more sanitary.

I reminded him that I also rinse my cup in the sink and don’t see that as any different, nor do I think it’s any less sanitary than spitting into the sink, which of course we both do when we brush our teeth.

He said “well I don’t poop out of my mouth” to which I replied “and I don’t poop out of my vagina.” He says underwear covers an area where poop comes out so it’s unsanitary to leave them in the sink.

I started to say something about not having poop on my underwear (!) but he accused me of trying to start a fight and ended the conversation. In case it matters, when it’s time to clean the bathroom I’m the one who does it 95% of the time, both sinks included.

Here’s how people reacted:

DoonaDoll

NTA. Your sink, your rules. If he’s that pressed about your sink, he should stick to using his own. Like, does he think the sink has feelings and is offended by period underwear? And comparing it to soaking dirty socks? Sir, that’s not the same league—it’s not even the same sport.

If he’s that squeamish about blood, that’s a him problem. You’re already doing the cleaning, so what’s he even mad about? Sounds like he just doesn’t wanna deal with the concept of periods, which… welcome to adulthood, my guy. You’re handling your business just fine

Pale_Metal_9576

NTA. You literally wash your toilet hands in the bathroom sink which I think is more gross than soaking bloody underwear. Bathrooms are gross it’s where all the gross stuff happens. I think it’s just an excuse and kind of mean for him to think your period undies are gross. I always feel like it’s a red flag when men think periods are gross. Like not liking blood is okay that’s like a general thing but when someone specifically thinks period blood is gross it weirds me out. It gross or even dirty…

Content_Pie_227

NTA you’re just rinsing your underwear out, and honestly, that’s not that big of a deal. His problem seems more about the sight of it than anything, but if you’re keeping it clean, it’s fine. The whole “poop” comparison he made is weird too. Maybe he is a man that doesn’t understand womenstuff. Maybe you could compromise and use a container if it’s really bothering him, but honestly, you’re not in the wrong for doing it your way.

Rump_Roastt

NAH

I see your point of view, but it’s not actually much different to soak them in the tub. You’re in a relationship and it’s not only about you. Yes, I think husband could grow up about it. No, this isn’t worth an argument.

Take your spouse’s feelings into consideration and compromise. He offered a reasonable alternative, take it and acknowledge his point of view.

Massive_Homework9430

NTA. A sink is a non-porous basin that fills with water. By definition, it is where you should be soaking something. It’s easily drained and sanitized. Does he freak out about raw meat in the kitchen sink? Does he know you wash your underwear in the same thing that washes shirts? If he cut his hand, would he wash his bleeding hand in the sink? He’s insane.

ShieldMaiden83

Ok girl….use a bucket next time. It is not that hard. Also consider buying those period panties…and for woman sake soak the panties in cold water before throwing it in the washer.

Regards for a woman that don’t use mentrual cups and had to many soiled panties in my lifetime and more to come. (I use pads)

Treehugger365247

YTA. If your husband says he’s uncomfortable, just try to hear him out. Some men get uncomfortable around menstrual items. They are not saying it’s dirty or disgusting, they are just uncomfortable. I’m a woman and would not want to go into a bathroom and see someone’s period panties soaking in a nearby sink.

overZealousAzalea

NTA blood of the womb is the only not borne of violence, but it is the only one that disgusts him?
If vaginas are so nasty, he can keep away from yours all the time.
But too be fair, hearing stories of other men’s hygiene, his underwear probably does have poo in it.
Like cheaters and liars projecting.

Fabulous_Cow_4550

The fact you have separate sinks & you are the one who cleans afterwards makes this an easy NTA for me. As long as you’re cleaning once the underwear is washed, and you don’t leave it there longer than needed, he needs to grow up & realise periods are a natural function.

Younggod9

**NTA** You’re handling your hygiene in your own sink, and it’s not affecting him directly his argument feels more about being uncomfortable than unsanitary, especially since you clean the sinks. Maybe a convo to compromise would help but you’re not wrong here.

sgtsturtle

NTA. I thought this was normal? When something needed soaking it was always soaked in the bathroom sink when I was growing up because it’s easy to clean. I recently had an accident and got a cardigan soaked in blood. Where did I soak it? The bathroom sink.

artsyfartsyMinion

Why are you not soaking them in the laundry trough? The laundry is where you do laundry. The bathroom is for washing your body. Using your own sink is fine if you don’t have a laundry, but soaking underwear is laundry, so do it in the laundry.

tangerine-vanilla

NTA I do this all the time. However, when I share a sink I would probably not do it, cos I get it is unpleasant for people to see it if it isn’t their own. But honestly, this guy is your husband and should really get comfy with it!

Far-Bodybuilder-6783

YTA, not because it’s gross (which it is), but becouse your partner asked you to stop doing something which brings him discomfort in your shared home. Marriage shouldn’t be abou compromise but about consensus.

laughingdaisies

I wear period panties and the sink is the last place I would wash my bloody panties in. I find it really disgusting looking at a pool of blood in the sink. I wash it in a bucket when I’m showering.

lihzee

> he accused me of trying to start a fight

NTA. He started a fight by trying to tell you how to handle *your* feminine hygiene products in *your* sink. He needs to grow up.

Interesting-Cut-9057

Nta. Seems like he is overreacting. But, you can also just avoid it entirely by rinsing in the laundry sink? I don’t know. Seems like an odd thing to let get to a fight.

Jenny_8675309_69

YTA, not only is that unsanitary, it’s NASTY! Soak your nasty underwear in the wash machine or a bucket. Nobody wanna see a sink full of your bloody, poopy draws! Gross

Snakeinyourgarden

NTA

I soak mine as well and honestly if my husband tried to police that I’d remind him where his dick has been.

He’s just grossed out. He can get over it.

Notsocheeky

I’m female, and it grosses me out. YTA for putting it in the sink to soak. It’s so unsanitary unless you sanitize the sink after every use.

thosewithoutinfo

YTA put in/them a small tub to soak. This is so unsanitary unless you sanitize the sink after every soak. FYI I am F & it grosses me out.

ThatWeirdCatLady1

YTA. Use a bucket for soaking.
And yes im a woman. But use the sink for soaking is gross. Just use a bucket and flush the dirty water.

DELILAHBELLE2605

NTA. I bet he’d have nothing to say if you were handwashing sexy underwear in there. Which also covers where poop comes out.

RammsteinFunstein

NTA

If you shared a sink it’d be very different, but its your sink. I think its kind of gross, but its still your right.

SecretSauce771

YTA. That’s unsanitary. It may be your sink but it’s a shared home. Using a bucket for that would be a simple solution.

Fragment51

Lol he is the A and a bug baby.

Also, where else would one soak something to clean it? Literally what sinks are for!

Didntlikedefaultname

NTA but for clarity sake it might help to specify bathroom sink. Def no issue with that. Kitchen sink would be weird

Sevinn666

NTA. Chances are high that he doesn’t wash his hands after he uses the bathroom, and that’s way more gross.

Conclusion

The core issue revolves around a disagreement regarding perceived hygiene standards for personal items during menstruation. The Original Poster (OP) feels their method of soaking used period underwear in their dedicated sink is practical and not inherently unsanitary, especially since they clean the bathroom, while the husband views the presence of blood-soaked items in the sink as unacceptable and unsanitary.

Is the OP justified in using their own sink for soaking menstrual items when the husband objects based on a subjective ‘unsanitary’ feeling, or should the OP accommodate their husband’s discomfort by moving the soaking process to a different location, even if it seems less practical?