When the boy’s stepfather punished him unjustly, wielding the stolen bicycle as a weapon, the truth behind the act unveiled a darker wound. The therapist, bound by confidentiality, had broken his sacred oath, exposing private confessions and turning a sanctuary into a battleground of mistrust and heartbreak.
My m36 son’s (14) dog passed away recently. I signed him up with a therapist because his dog’s death has literally left him unable to speak. He’s been in therapy for 2 weeks now.
2 days ago, My son called crying saying his stepdad punished him by taking his bicycle and selling it for no reason. I was livid. I went to have a word with his stepdad and he told me that there WAS a reason and that is the fact that my son “badmouthed” him to the therapist, and claimed that he treated the dog poorly.
I was floored at this. I had an argument with him an asked how the hell he knew and told him to prove that my son said all that. He showed me texts betwen him and my son’s therapist.
So basically…the therapist had been giving out private info about a bunch of stuff my son talked about in therapy. I was even more floored. I went straight to that therapist and we had a huge argument.
I told him I was going to report him after he defended himself saying the reason he gave my son’s stepdad this info was because of concern as “a parent”. I said that I don’t give a shit what the justification was, and went on with my report.
He tried to talk about how he felt for my son’s stepdad and his concerns as a “parent” so he didn’t think he did anything wrong.
My son’s mom called after she found out about the report and she she blew up at me on the phobe calling me a controlling asshole for what I did. I ignored her calls after that but my own wife thought I made a hasty decision and that the real problem was with my son’s stepdad not the therapist.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) acted decisively to protect their son’s privacy after discovering a therapist shared confidential details with the stepdad, leading to a punitive action against the son. This action created a central conflict between the OP’s belief in confidentiality and the mother’s accusation that the OP was controlling and escalated the situation unnecessarily by reporting the therapist.
Given the breach of trust by the therapist and the severe emotional vulnerability of the son, was the OP’s immediate decision to report the therapist the correct action to defend their child, or did this swift action unfairly bypass attempts to resolve the underlying issues with the stepdad and the mother?
Here’s how people reacted:
I have many concerns about this situation. If your son is barely speaking for two weeks about the death of a pet, it must have been extremely traumatic. And if he’s saying his step father treated the dog badly… well, let your imagination run wild. If the step-father was innocent in all this, why retaliate?
I don’t think that home is a safe place for your son and at the very least, the step-father is being cruel and vindictive. And the at the worst (and this is pure speculation) he had something to do with the dog dying.
If there were no grounds for what you reported, none of them would be worried. They’d think that you had gone off on a tangent, and that there wouldn’t be any consequences for the breach of trust/information.
You had no choice but to report his therapist. Otherwise, you’d be part of the problem of teaching your son (at such a young age) that not even medical professionals are to be trusted.
There’s a lot wrong in this situation. First, depending on what state you’re in, your child may or may not have protections against the sharing of his mental health information even with his parents without his permission already (some states in the US, it’s age 13). Second, even if he does not have protections against that in your state, this was not shared with his mother but with his stepfather.
This is definitely a situation where what the therapist did was at least questionable. Let the state licensing board sort it out.
Also find your kid another therapist (obviously). The relationship with this one is completely ruined.
NTA NTA NTA
This is the most unprofessional thing a therapist could say. “How he feels” should never be a part of any therapeutic process. His feelings are so not supposed to be involved in conducting a therapy session.
Go to court for sole custody. These people don’t respect your son at all, or what’s best for him. And then to PUNISH the child for what he tells his therapist in confidence?? That sounds abusive!!
The therapist shouldn’t be sharing information without the consent of your son. Medically, the age of consent is much younger than 18 in many, many states. Therefore, the therapist doesn’t get to automatically talk with the parents.
The fact that the therapist doesn’t think he did anything wrong is astounding. At the very least, your son will no longer trust him and has probably done some psychological damage to him. What an AH therapist.
Regardless, I think [edit: the therapist talking to stepdad is] an AH move. Everyone needs a vent, including kids. Spilling secrets is how kids lose trust in therapy, and how they get set back, significantly, in their mental health care. NTA.
Regardless, he is now useless as a therapist to your son because he betrayed his trust–and good luck with getting him to open up to anyone else now.
To ask for the information and punish him for his feelings is a MAJOR RED FLAG. You need your son’s mother and stepdad to have a complete reset.
Please don’t leave this child in their house.
Also, your wife is right that his step dad is an issue, it’s just the therapist as well.
Therapist has an ethical obligation to keep patient-doctor confidentiality. The only time it should be broken is if there is a case of self-harm or imminent danger to them patient or someone else.
Therapist needs to lose the liscence.
If you live in the US, therapists are not allowed to discuss what happens in therapy unless the child is in danger. The therapist violated your son’s rights. Pursue this to the end.
1.The step dad is in no way a parent you are your son’s father
2. The therapist had no right to share your son’s personal info
That therapist should lose his job if he really thinks he has to tell a possibly abusive father what their patient is telling them.