Mia’s habitual lateness is more than just a habit—it’s a barrier that strains the bond between them. The repeated promises, the endless waiting, and the unspoken disappointment build a quiet storm, leaving her to wonder if friendship can withstand the weight of time that’s always just out of reach.
I(20F) have been friends with “Mia”(20F) for years now and she’s one of my best friends. I love Mia but there’s one problem that annoys the hell out of me: she’s constantly late. Whereever we go Mia’s at least an hour late, even when we pick her up at her house.
I can’t even count the times when Mia asked me or our friends for a ride just to make us wait in front of her house in the car because she “still has to get dressed”, “just came out of the shower” or “still has to eat”.
One time we were trying to pick Mia up in the winter and she made us wait 30 minutes in front of her house because she had to do her makeup. Mia texting she’s ready to be picked up just to make us wait in front of her house is a VERY common occurance.
Last week I kind of snapped. I tried picking Mia up at her house and once I texted her that I was here she immideately texted back “just need to get dressed!”. I ended up waiting 20 minutes in the car for Mia.
Quite frankly I’m sick of waiting, so yesterday Mia needed a ride but I demanded she send me a picture of herself already dressed before I would leave my house to pick her up. Mia was very mad at me and said she feels like I’m treating her like a baby.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) reached a breaking point due to consistently poor time management from a close friend, leading to frustration and the imposition of a strict boundary. The central conflict lies between the OP’s need for respect regarding their time and Mia’s strong negative reaction to this new condition, feeling infantilized by the request.
Was the OP justified in demanding proof of readiness before offering transportation as a necessary measure against repeated disrespect, or did this action cross a line into controlling behavior that damages a long-standing friendship?
Here’s how people reacted:
Not surprised to see a couple of people going “but what about adhd” or “you don’t know what she’s going through”
I have adhd. My roommate has adhd. My FWB has adhd. We all manage to be on time because we’ve developed coping mechanisms that help us to do so. I always plan to be at least 10-20 minutes early to things, that way if I get distracted I have a buffer. My roommate follows a set routine that she knows the exact length of so she knows when she needs to start getting ready. The FWB sets an alarm. There are ways to manage your adhd/executive function issues.
We have another friend with adhd who does NOT manage her symptoms, and is chronically late. She used to complain that we didn’t invite her to things or would start without her, so we had a come to Jesus talk about her time management. She’s still late, but USUALLY not by more than 10-15 minutes now so she gets invited to more things.
Anyway, NTA. In fact, after a couple of times of Mia making me wait a half hour in my car for her to come out of the house, I’d have just asked her if she knew about this new app called “Uber” …or maybe given her the number of a taxi company.
EDIT: I’ll add that a photo of her dressed isn’t sufficient, since she can eat or any number of other things after putting her clothes on. I think a photo, holding TODAY’S NEWSPAPER out on the curb in front of the house is required.
As a punctual person, let me tell you what you need to do. Next time you show up and she isn’t ready, leave her ass. I’ve done that with people, and once they know you will do it, they magically are much better at being on time. She’ll either get an uber, or miss out on whatever you are doing that day. But, your request is much nicer than what she deserves at this point.
If she feels you are treating her like a baby, tell her that babies are better at being on time than she is.
She lost two jobs in a year for being late everyday. She also arrived at her own wedding over an hour late, I was told. Extremely selfish and entitled behaviour
Ultimately tho, YTA here because you’re choosing to engage and allow her to disrespect your time. You’re the one in the literally driver’s seat. Drive off. She’ll find a way to wherever or she’ll be all, dressed up and no where to go – bc if her own doing.
I loathe being late and had to do this to a relative. It helped sometimes but my stress levels dropped as I wasn’t always over an hour late for everything waiting for them.
What does she do to get prepared? Does she fight bears to get into her closet? Does she kill snakes to shower? Does she fight monkeys to use her makeup ? Does she race with a slug in slow motion to get to the door ?
She’s living her life as if she is time.
She has no regard for other people’s time. If I were you I’d text her you were outside and then wait 20-30 min before you get there to show her how it feels to wait on other people.
If she wants to waste people’s time she earned the rewards of it. She can do two things now, start getting ready 30 minutes to an hour early or keep having to send you photos that she is ready.
At this point my response would be “OK I’ll come now – but if you’re not out in 5 minutes you’ll have to Uber”