A quiet evening shattered when Jack’s true feelings surfaced, casting a shadow over the love Luka thought was unbreakable. The simple act of affection between Luka and Kai, moments of innocent warmth and acceptance, ignited a storm of judgment and pain. In that charged silence at the dinner table, the family’s strength was tested, exposing the raw struggle between love, fear, and the desperate need for understanding.
For some context, i (35f) married my husband, Jack (37m) when i was 18, we were dating all through out high school and we’ve been in love since. We have 2 kids, Luka (15m) and Lily (5f), Luka is not our biological son, his actual parents, my best friend and her husband, unfortunately died in a car crash when he was 5, and ive been his legal guardian ever since.
He knows all about his real parents, i havent denied him that right. Anyways. This happened earlier this week. Luka had came out as gay when he was 12 and i’ve supported him since, Jack has always been iffy about lgbtq but i never doubted his love for luka until this incident.
Luka and his boyfriend, Kai (16m) have been dating for 2 years and kai is an amazing boy, he treats Luka amazingly and plays with Lily when he’s here. Well they had been cuddling on the couch, like normal, hands above the blanket, and they were watching a disney movie with Lily, pretty normal day.
Well after Kai had left, we were eating dinner and Jack was silent until he randomly said “Luka i dont want you and kai cuddling like that anymore” Luka and i were obviously confused because theyve done that before and Jack hasnt said anything.
So Luka, without any attitude, asks “Why? we’re not hurting anyone and we’re following the rules you and mom set” my husband just says “because i said and im your dad” so Luka just goes quiet, something he often does when hes getting angry and doesnt wanna argue.
Anyways, we all ignored it as a last minute change of heart until the next day. Kai was playing with Lily while Luka helped me with dishes and Jack arrived home from work visibly angry, but he didnt say anything so i assumed bad day at work.
After dinner, around 8:30, i was getting Lily ready for bed and i hear my husband go downstairs where Luka is, i also go downstairs as i was going to talk to the two of them and i hear the following conversation
Jack: Luka give me your phone
Luka: why
Jack: because i said now give it
Luka: ok but why
Jack: Just give me the fucking phone!
At this point, i step into the kitchen and ask whats happening and Jack proceeds to yell about how Luka embarrassed him because his colleagues saw Luka and Kai kiss at a pride parade.
Luke, offended and angry, asks “oh so now im something to be ashamed of?” which angers my husband more and my husband then slaps Luka across the face and yell “Dont disrespect me boy!”
I yell at Jack for hitting Luka who is now stunned as Jack has never hit him nor Lily before (We agreed to never physically harm ourr kids unless necessary self defense etc). Luka then storms up the stairs with tears in his eyes and me and jack then argue for 30 minutes about him harming Luka.
We go to bed angry and the next day, i make breakfast and call the kids down. Luka doesnt come down. So i go to check on him. He’s gone. I freak out and call the police and tell my husband.
5 hours go by and his best friend Mikah (14f) drags him home. Later after all the police questioning was done and we were alone, i ask Luka what happened and why hed run away. He then just breaks down.
He reveals he feels unloved and that my husband has done something like this before. Anyways, fast forward to today, im sitting at my sisters house with my kids, divorce papers ready because i dont want my kids near my husband if hes willing to hit them over such trivial things like a kiss.
My friends are saying im over reacting and that my husband was just angry but my sister agrees that i did the right thing. I grew up in a very abusive home so i made it very clear when we first got married that i did not want my kids being physically punished for anything.
So, AITAH for wanting to divorce my husband because he hit my 15 year old son?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing a severe conflict between her commitment to protecting her children from physical harm and her husband’s recent act of striking their 15-year-old son, Luka, following a confrontation about Luka’s sexual orientation and public affection. The OP is deeply concerned by this breach of their mutual agreement against physical punishment, leading her to prepare for divorce.
Given the escalation to physical violence stemming from disagreement over a teenager’s consensual behavior and the OP’s history of abuse, is the OP justified in proceeding immediately with divorce, or is the husband’s action, though wrong, an isolated incident of anger that warrants a different course of action, such as separation or mandatory counseling?
Here’s how people reacted:
His rage is not about kissing or anything, it’s homophobia. Or he’s got some deep anger issues he’s stuffing. Is he just being a dick because the kid is not “his”…?
If you are thinking that he can be open to couples or family therapy, that’s an option…but if he’s already made up his mind, then you have no choice.
Poor Luka, give that kid extra hugs and let him know he’s safe with YOU. It really sucks that your husband is choosing to break the whole family because of his issues. Whatever happens, maybe have your sister there when you confront him, I hope he doesn’t decide to try and slap YOU!!!
(keep us updated!)
He’s violent – so you should leave him. Anyone who slaps out of anger and hatred should not be a safe person for you or your children.
He’s also a homophobic arsehole. If he thinks being gay or queer is somehow “disrespectful” , he’s a fucking weirdo and he should be left in the dust.
Homophobia is usually very close to misogyny so I would never trust a homophobic man. Not only is he bigoted against many of my dearest friends, but he probably doesn’t respect women or feminity.
He also didn’t “punish your kid”, he assaulted a young adult for no reason at all. He should be charged with assault and battery, and also potentially a hate crime. This isn’t at all “punishing a child”, this is violence against someone because of their sexuality.
What happens when your husband turns his anger on your daughter?
Your son has done nothing wrong. Your husband is phobic, he harmed your son for simply existing!!! What would Luka’s late parents want you to do? What would they have done about this?
YWTAH if you do not act to protect this child.
Luka is a child that your husband is abusing. Even in states that still allow and even encourage sp@nk!ng’s, they have laws on how it can be done. The face is strictly off limits, PERIOD!!!
What are you going to do to protect this boy. His parents entrusted YOU with his safety.
Leave him and any friends that side with him behind. They aren’t worth your time. It doesn’t matter if he was angry, because being angry doesn’t give you the right to hit anyone, especially not a child. He clearly has issues with homophobia and feels embarrassed by your son’s lifestyle and is taking it out on him. Trust your son when he says that it has happened before. This kind of behavior starts behind closed doors before it ever reaches this point. The only disrespect here is from your husband when he decided to throw a tantrum like a toddler. You need to get far away from him for all of your family’s sake because it’s highly likely that he will treat your daughter the same way too.
He failed your son. He didn’t even hurt him from doing something bad – he hurt him because he feels embarrassed by his son. Your son is not safe around him.
Your son is so lucky to have a mama like you
Sending hugs
Go no contact and do NOT engage with your soon-to-be-ex. Get lawyered up and make them do the communication from here on out. Good on your for having a spine and protecting your children. Anyone who disagrees can pound sand; go NC with them, too.
Your husband has done this before according to Luka. That means he’ll do it again…and again.
You do what you have to do to protect your kids and yourself.
If he gets off with a divorce, he’s getting off easy.
You have to protect your kids! So Luke kissed his boyfriend? What if Lily gets a girlfriend and kisses her? Will Jack slap her too?