But when her boyfriend’s sister, Kayla, is thrust into her life like a storm, the delicate balance of faith, love, and family is tested. The sacred space she has nurtured becomes a battleground of emotions and secrets, forcing her to confront the fragile boundaries between devotion and the unpredictable chaos of human relationships.
I (28F) have been a practicing pagan witch for over a decade. My faith and spiritual practice are deeply personal and important to me. Over the years, I’ve created several altars for different deities I worship and work with.
Some of those altars rotate in and out of active use depending on where I’m at in my practice so I keep them neatly packed away in labeled storage boxes. My main altar, however, is always active.
It’s for the deity I spend the most time with and have the deepest relationship with, and it’s in our bedroom.
Each altar is made up of specific tools, crystals, candles, oils, statues, cloths, charms, handwritten letter, herbs, and other offerings. Many of these are handmade, imported, or gifted.
Some were expensive; others just deeply sentimental or spiritually charged. But every single item has meaning and purpose to me.
I live with my boyfriend (30M), and a few weeks ago, his younger sister “Kayla” (24F) got kicked out by her long-term high school boyfriend. She’d been living with him for years, but wasn’t on the lease, so when they broke up, she had nowhere to go.
She didn’t want to move back in with their parents and asked if she could stay with us temporarily while she figured things out. I wasn’t super excited about it, but I agreed, because I didn’t want to be heartless.
Before she arrived, I took the the inactive altars and stored them in our hall closet, just to make the shared spaces less cluttered. But I left my main altar, the one for the deity I work with almost daily untouched in the bedroom.
It’s my boyfriend and I’s private space and I figured she’d respect that.
While we were both at work one day, she decided to help out around the apartment. Except instead of just cleaning, she cleaned out. When I got home with my boyfriend, I noticed right away that the altar in the bedroom was gone.
Turns out his sister took it upon herself to throw out everything she found that she thought was weird or looked like junk, which included the contents of three altar boxes in storage AND the main altar.
When I confronted her, she got defensive and said she thought she was doing us a favor by getting rid of the creepy stuff and that she didn’t think I’d actually want it. She also made a few comments about how witchcraft isn’t real and God wouldn’t want that in the house anyway.
I was horrified. I went straight to the trash area but the dumpster had already been emptied that morning. Everything was gone, statues, deeply personal offerings, items I’d collected for over a decade, some of which were irreplaceable.
I was devastated.
I sat down that night and calculated what I could remember and reasonably estimate. The total came out to just over $900. I calmly told Kayla that I expected her to pay me back for the items she threw away.
She laughed and said there was no way she could afford that and that I was being insane for demanding so much money over some rocks and candles. I told her it didn’t matter whether she understood the value, they weren’t hers to touch, let alone throw away.
She got pissed, packed up, and left that night without saying a word.
A few days later, I got a call from my boyfriend’s mom, furious. Kayla had told her that I kicked her out for refusing to pray with me and not supporting witchcraft and that I was trying to charge her $900 in rent.
I explained the actual situation, including that the $900 was to replace destroyed property, not rent. I also made it clear that Kayla wasn’t kicked out, I simply asked her to take responsibility for what she’d done, and she chose to leave.
Didn’t matter. His mom doubled down. She said Kayla was in a fragile place and I should’ve shown more compassion. She told me I was punishing someone who was already going through enough.
Even after I explained exactly what happened, she said, that maybe I shouldn’t have had that stuff just lying around if I didn’t want it to be thrown away.
My boyfriend is being ass itchingly neutral and just keeps saying, “I see both sides.” He hasn’t really defended me or pushed back on how his sister treated my things.
Conclusion
The original poster experienced a significant violation of personal property and spiritual space when her sister-in-law destroyed valuable and sentimental altar items. Her attempt to seek financial restitution led to the sister-in-law leaving immediately and escalating the conflict to her family, painting the OP as unreasonable and punitive.
The core debate centers on whether the spiritual and monetary value of destroyed personal property justifies demanding financial replacement from a guest in crisis, or if compassion for the guest’s vulnerable situation should have overridden the right to reimbursement.
Here’s how people reacted:
I know the situation sucks so let me offer a different perspective. This situation is also an eye opener for you.
It showed you that when you’re being bullied and harassed by his family, your bf won’t lift a finger to help you. That’s not love. If he loved you he would back you up completely. He doesn’t care about you. That much is clear.
So look at this situation as a blessing that showed you, that this is not someone you should be with. I’m an atheist but maybe it is a gift to you from the gods you worship.
Unless you’re willing to take legal action, there’s no point drawing this out. No one is on your side and no one will pay you back.
But you have received the gift of realising you’re in the wrong relationship and need to leave. So do that.
If you stay, then all the disrespect that happens from this point onwards, will be on you.
She had no place taking it upon herself to throw anything away without your permission. It’s crazy she didn’t ask if it was ok to throw anything away that wasn’t clearly just like discarded wrappers or stuff like that. I can’t even clear off the island in my own apartment without double checking with the people that I live with that I’m not throwing away something that they wanted to keep.
Honestly, you could probably sue.
Your bf playing the fence sitter is a red flag, too. Your sister clearly did something she shouldn’t have and ruined something that was extremely important to you. This playing both sides things is actually just a farce to run defense for his sister. It’s an admission that this thing that was so sentimental for you means little to nothing to him. Which is crazy to me. If something is important to your partner then it is, by extension, important to you. Even if it’s something that you don’t really care for all that much. I wouldn’t be that surprised if he was secretly happy that it happened. At least if he’s as into christianity as his sister is that is.
Let mommy dearest know you are being compassionate in not immediately calling the cops, but that compassionate will run out if you are not reimbursed within the next week. Stand your ground now or they will continue to disrespect you and your beliefs for the rest of the relationship with your pet jellyfish. Oh, sorry, I mean with your boyfriend.
As for your boyfriend, there is no “their side.” They don’t have a side. They have a blatant lie. You did not kick her out… period. He can’t see a side that doesn’t exist.
Boyfriend saying he sees both sides should tell you all you need to know. His sisters side is that she didn’t think your lifestyle was Godly so she went through your home, including YOUR BEDROOM, and threw away personal items that she should never have even touched. She refused to apologize or pay for the items. He sees her side? He’d be seeing the end of the relationship!
I’d seek legal counsel if you can, because she literally stole from your closed and intimate areas of your home in the name of her precious Christian sky daddy.
NTA.
Tell sis and her mom that if they do not pay the $900, you will be filing in small claims court for the stolen items. And if BF has a problem with that, tell him he can help her cover the costs for his sisters’ thievery or have his itchingly neutral ass kicked to the curb.
Time to play hardball, OP.
NTA
And while I love the phrase “ass itchingly neutral” he is picking a side. Let’s say that it wasn’t your altar. Let’s say she didn’t like the game system in your house. Take the religion out of it and what would he say? She threw away things that were not hers and she violated not just your religiously sacred space, but your homes boundaries.
He is also being an ass.
There are no *two sides*. His sister threw away costly and sentimental items. Not her place and not her decision to make. Did your bf ask her to? Because he’s not siding with you by refusing to pick sides.
NTA. She meant to throw that stuff out. Don’t only charge her for the cost of the items, show her the door.
As for his mother, do you think you’d want her to be your MIL? You marry the entire family not just the spouse.
As for your bf his fence sitting shows you very clearly that he doesn’t support you. There’s no question about that at all.
I’d take her to court and deeply think about whether or not you want to spend any more time with a clearly unsupportive bf.
SIL and MIL think you shouldn’t practice your religion and find it reasonable to proactively stop you. Your boyfriend is fine with their interference.
NTA
also NTA
Take her to court if you can.
You mean in private room and storage
His mom needs a reality check