But grief crashed in unexpectedly, casting a shadow over her carefully crafted plans. When her sister-in-law Grace shared the devastating news of her mother’s passing, empathy and love took precedence. Sleepless nights spent in quiet support replaced the thrill of the concert, and the weight of loss challenged the very idea of leaving for a celebration in the midst of sorrow.
I am currently on my flight to Indianapolis to see the Eras tour on Saturday. I bought tickets last year and have been booked and ready with my outfit, friendship bracelets, etc. I have been looking forward to this so much as someone who has been a fan since Red.
My SIL Grace told the family last night that her mom died. This is truly heartbreaking, I lost my Dad when I was 20 so I do understand. I went over after work to be with them and also did their laundry for them and fixed them dinner.
Before I left I prepared a bunch of wraps to eat and some casserole as well, I was there until 2am and have barely slept.
I got a call this morning from Grace asking if I could come over and spend the morning with her. I told her that unfortunately I had a few things I had to do before I could leave for my concert.
She got very quiet and asked me if I was still going to that. I told her yes, I leave in 5 hours for the airport.
She said that she couldn’t believe I could still think about a concert when she has just become an orphan with no one in the world but our family (which is true). She also does not have a lot of friends, I don’t say that to be judy at ALL, just as fact.
I told her that I am so sorry, and that when I get back I will take off a few days to be with her if she needs. But that this is something I have been looking forward to and also my friends coming with me are counting on me for things like the hotel, rental car, etc.
She got angry and told me that I was a horrible sister in law and that she hopes when my mom dies, everyone abandons me, too. I know this is the shock and grief talking so I am truly not mad at her, when my Dad died I said some pretty chaotic things too.
But as I’m sitting on this flight I feel so bad. I did everything I could think of before leaving to make the day to day banalities of life a little easier for them. There won’t be a funeral so there’s no real big planning involved.
I am AITA for still going on this trip despite my SIL really not having a lot of other people to be there for her?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing a conflict between honoring a significant, long-planned personal commitment and responding to the immediate, profound grief of their sister-in-law (SIL) who has just lost her mother. The OP demonstrated support by immediately providing practical assistance, such as cooking and household chores, but ultimately prioritized attending the concert, leading to harsh criticism from the SIL.
Given the disparity between the OP’s need for personal fulfillment after months of anticipation and the SIL’s acute, isolated emotional crisis, was the OP’s decision to proceed with the trip an acceptable prioritization of self-care, or did the timing and context demand temporary postponement out of familial duty?
Here’s how people reacted:
Of course you are thinking of your already scheduled plans. Life does not stop for Death.
You came over, you cleaned, you cooked, you set up her freezer with things to eat later. You sacrificed your sleep to make sure she would be taken care of. And her response is to be angry at you. Giving her grace at this time is perfectly appropriate.
If there won’t be a funeral, can you arrange a memorial dinner or something? How long were you supposed to stay with her? Where is her spouse in all this? Why are they not stepping up?
Please let go of your guilt.
It was kind of you to do some chores around their house and prep dome food for them 💕
Your SIL’s entire mental/emotional health isn’t explicitly your responsibility. You did what you could for now. Others, like your brother and maybe some of her family members, will step up and support her while you’re away…and she’ll still be grieving when you get back.
Go enjoy your trip with an easy heart and clear conscience. You’re being very gracious and understanding of her mental state rn (re: her lashing out in grief), and I’m sure she’ll appreciate that when she’s in her right mind again 💜
You’ve helped a lot, you have people counting on you, you should go guiltfree. Hopefully SIL is just lashing out from the grief, but it’s a red flag that she’s saying she’s ‘abandoned’ and ‘all alone’ when your brother is there and you’ve given her a lot more support than many people get after bereavement.
I cannot imagine thinking any of them “owe” me support for losing a member of my birth family, much less that they should cancel a long-planned and expensive event.
NTA.
You have no obligation to do anything and already did them a big favour. She’s hurting and as you said yourself, saying dumb stuff.
And enjoy the concert! Don’t beat yourself up.
And in either case why isn’t your sibling or your spouse stepping up to support her?
She is grieving, not an asshole. But you should still go.