Amidst the blur of sleepless nights and endless diaper changes, she finds herself yearning for understanding and space to breathe, especially as her husband returns to work and the weight of solo parenting settles in. The unspoken expectations and timing of these visits feel less like comfort and more like a barrier to finding her own rhythm in this new chapter of life.
Just to preface, my husband’s brother has two kids, and his parents babysit them at least 3 days a week. I feel like this has kind of set the expectation for frequency of visits with grandparents.
I just had a baby on July 10th, and my husband’s mom has been over to visit us 5 times since then. I know she means well, but it’s very stressful to have a newborn and to feel like I have to entertain also.
It would be different if she was offering to help with something (not that I expect that of visitors, but people visiting new parents usually at least offer). She also seems to conveniently always come while he’s napping (he naps for 2+ hours at a time at this point), and she leaves once he starts getting a little fussy, which is frustrating because any rest or chores I could get in while he’s asleep don’t get done.
She texted me yesterday asking to come for a visit today. This is the first week my husband is back at work full time, and I’m trying to get in the groove of a new routine. I wrote her back and told her that I’m really not up for visitors this week because I’m getting settled in, and she freaked out and texted my husband asking what she did to offend me.
She hasn’t talked to me since yesterday after I wrote her, and she basically implied to my husband that we’re being selfish keeping her grandson away from her. AITA here?
Conclusion
The original poster is facing significant stress due to the demands of caring for a newborn, complicated by a perceived obligation to host frequent, unhelpful visits from her mother-in-law. The central conflict arises from the OP setting a necessary boundary regarding visitors while the mother-in-law interprets this boundary as a personal rejection or selfishness regarding access to her grandchild.
Is the original poster justified in prioritizing their immediate family’s need for rest and routine over the mother-in-law’s desire for frequent visits, or is the expectation of open access, established by the care provided to the other grandchild, a reasonable demand that should take precedence?
Here’s how people reacted:
I think maybe the answer would be to tell her the truth?
Like, she asked what she did, and what she did was come over during your time away from the baby when he’s resting and that makes things harder, so you don’t feel up to doing the extra work involved in not having that time.
If she would like to visit while the baby is awake, or help you do whatever chores you’ve got lined up for that time, then you’d be more able to accommodate her visiting.
She did ask, so if you tell her and she’s willing to change then this is no longer a problem. And the fact that people are so quick to demonize her over this seems a little mean.
Once u find it, and you’re ready, take advantage of the fact that grandma is there to love and spoil the bebe, and you two can have some free time.
Sauce: Alpha female mother of three here. I send my daughters to my alpha female SiL on my own terms. Everyone is happy.
Creep factor: Heard my SiL tell my husband “They might not have come out of my vagina, but they’re my kids too”. Had to swallow my own vomit when I heard her say that. (Shhh, dont tell her that her other brother (and his husband) will raise our girls if anything ever happens to me and the man) Take that, Wendy.
She acts all grandma like.. wanting to come over.. but she doesnt do shit. She practically doesnt spend time with the baby.. since she comes over when she is sleeping. And once she gets fussy or starts crying, my MIL invents something and leaves. Since she is coming, I would like her to watch the baby, and let me take a shower and take a nap.. not entertain and make small talk! And if you dont want to come, fine! Better off! So I can rest and sleep all I want! But if you say something, suddenly you’re the dick in the situation.. or jealous mom or whatever :/
You and your husband need to talk about what you need, and he needs to have your back with his parents. Its his job to run interference with his parents, not yours. Tell him I said to man up.
Congrats on the new little one btw!!! 💗
family sometimes