Yet, even in the small moments of shared shopping and planned breakfasts, misunderstandings and fears ripple beneath the surface. The husband’s rejection of the very food meant to nurture him reveals a deeper conflict — one where love alone might not be enough to heal the wounds of a weary heart.
I’m 26F and my husband is 29M and food has been a constant stressor in our household. My husband is a super picky eater and he’s been eating out everyday 3 times a day the last few months due to his mental health and McDonald’s and KFC makes him feel good.
We both agreed that it’s not really good for his health or the wallet so I’ve been trying my best to cook food that’s appealing to him. He usually eats a breakfast burger at McDonald’s.
I’ve seen him eat Turkish bread rolls with bacon and eggs too. Yesterday we went to Woolies together as he wanted lollies and snacks and I picked out Turkish bread, bacon, spinach and breakfast Patties for breakfast today.
At the checkout he said he didn’t want the breakfast items as they were fatty and he’s trying to be healthy. I asked what he was going to eat then and he said he was going to eat rice and egg at home.
I said that’s fine just ask the lady at the checkout to take the items as we didn’t pay yet. It was a bit busy and he didn’t want to wait so he said wanted the breakfast items.
I then took the items to make him breakfast as he said he’s hungry. Then he said the bacon I chose was “gross” cause it was maple flavoured. He then made a scene and said he didn’t want breakfast.
He said he never wanted it and he’s just eating it cause we bought it. I told him why did you buy it then? I told him if he was upset about throwing it away, I can eat it later and he can just eat McDonald’s.
He started calling me names and saying I was barking like a dog. I got upset and went upstairs. Then he told me to come back downstairs and finish cooking it. And at this point I was writing this post.
And when I came downstairs he said he wanted a divorce so I went back upstairs. Then he said he’s sorry so I came back downstairs and he started complaining and saying I never cook for 5 years of our marriage which is completely false.
I cook every single day. I used to cook a lot of food for both of us but the last few weeks he didn’t eat any of it and I threw out a whole tray of lasagna because it was “too cheesy” I threw out a whole bowl of spaghetti because it was “not flavourful enough”.
I made burrito bowls and he “didn’t like the chicken” I made it again with different spices and he ate it yesterday. I made a whole butterflied grilled chicken with spices, bread, salad which he ate last night too.
Now he took a photo of my coffee cup right before he yelled at me to make breakfast which I didn’t wash because he was yelling at me. Now he’s yelling at me telling me he wants to divorce and I’m making him go crazy and it’s my fault he takes drugs I’m an AH etc.
wth
And now he’s going to McDonald’s and threw it away.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is caught in a cycle of attempting to meet her husband’s needs for food while navigating his extreme pickiness and emotional volatility, leading to significant stress and conflict over basic domestic tasks. The central conflict lies between the OP’s efforts to provide home-cooked meals and the husband’s unpredictable rejections, culminating in accusations, name-calling, and threats of divorce when his preferences are not instantly catered to.
Given the extreme escalation, including verbal abuse and threats of divorce over a disagreed-upon breakfast, is the husband’s reaction a disproportionate response to a minor domestic disagreement, or does the OP’s inability to perfectly anticipate his ever-changing food demands create an unsustainable and toxic environment for the marriage?
Here’s how people reacted:
You’re why he’s feeling bad? He’s using his Mental Health problem so … he can be a spoiled bratty 4yr old because he … feels bad? If he is not seeing a MH counselor at least once a week and probably on meds, he’s using his mental health as a permission slip and not doing anything to correct HIS problem. Do you really want to enable him until he gets to the stage where he starts throwing furniture ? Throwing stuff AT you, maybe from up close? Really close?
He has much worse things going on that are not about your cooking or what he prefers as food. Ask him what else there is. If he won’t tell you or says he DOES NOT ! IT’S ALL ABOUT FOOD!!!!! ; you need to stop doing anything about food for him. NO MORE cooking and then throwing it out because \*\*he\*\* doesn’t like it. You’re playing into this acting out when you do that, so just stop. Cook for you; you can cook enough to freeze a serving for you, later. STOP taking him shopping for snacks & treats. If he chooses to eat junk that will make him feel worse, you let him get it himself with his own money and his own transportation.
He’s using the I-Want-A-Divorce threat. You should be thinking about the benefits to you if you did. You can agree that divorce might be a good choice, and ask if he’s willing to try counseling – either the two of you, or just him. If that elicits more tantruming from him :: he brought divorce into the non-negotiations, not you.
If he continues simultaneously complaining about your cooking and saying that you never cook, he’s actively delusional or using drugs you don’t know about or … worse … several other MH breakdowns or neurophysical problems that need a medical assessment. Don’t jusr keep “dealing with it” until you get hurt.
If this fas progressed to the point that you are both being adversarial, just get out now. Nobody wins in this sort of conflict.
You didn’t marry a husband, you married a man-baby. Quite frankly, this isn’t even about the food anymore. It’s about the screaming and gaslighting and threats. Having terrible eating habits seems like the least of his issues.
Is this really how you want to live the rest of your life?
Take him up on the offer of divorce and run. NTA.
Take his lead, divorce him now!! Don’t wait another day!
If he’s constantly yelling at you to cook for him, or to do stuff for him, or anything, this is mental abuse. Your husband has mental health issues that need to be addressed now, or you should divorce him and save your mentality and health.
I’d take him up on his offer of a divorce. Why would you want to stay with him?
What is he doing to improve his mental health and be a less horrible human?
You. Deserve. Better!
As far as divorce, I’d say “don’t threaten me with a good time” 😆
NTA, but leave him…yesterday
Get the F*CK away from this asshole. You aren’t his private chef, you aren’t his slave, and you aren’t his verbal punching bag.
Good luck.
Do you think he would tolerate you behaving this way towards him?