But when life’s unexpected hurdles surfaced, that bond was tested by a price tag—just twenty dollars—that shattered the unspoken contract of goodwill. The sting of that demand unveiled a deeper emotional rift, leaving one to grapple with feelings of betrayal and the painful realization that sometimes, kindness isn’t always reciprocated in the way we hope.
For the last fourteen months, I have been driving one of my coworkers to and from work. She only lives a mile up the road from me and is on the way, so I’ve never asked her for a dime or accepted when she’s offered me money.
From my perspective, I’m going there either way, and her overall household expenses are higher than my own, so it felt like the thing to do.
Over the weekend, my car went to the shop. I told my coworker that I wouldn’t be available to give her a ride either Monday or Tuesday. She said it wasn’t a problem because her boyfriend is off this week and would give her a ride.
I asked if I could bum a ride as well. I even offered to walk to her home so they wouldn’t have to drive backwards. She asked her boyfriend about it and he said he would, but he wanted $20 for the two days.
I know it’s just $20, but that set me off. I declined the offer and said I’d find my own ride. At work yesterday, she asked about my car. I told her I’d be getting my car Tuesday night after work, but that going forward I’d like $30 a week (1/3 my gas costs) if she wanted to ride with me.
She was upset about this and said her boyfriend had only wanted money from me because by having me in the car he was being forced to drive straight home when he picked me up. I pointed out that I’ve been happy to drive straight home to help her out for over a year and that it probably wouldn’t have killed him to show me at least some level of appreciation.
Today she said she’d no longer be riding with me after talking about it with her boyfriend. She said she felt disappointed with me for holding his actions against her and that I was being petty.
A couple other coworkers told me through out the day that her boyfriend’s just an asshole and she doesn’t really have a say at home, but overall agreed with me that it was a dick move.
From my perspective, this dude directly benefits from me thanks to his girlfriend not needing a car of her own or spending a dime in travel, and my coworker should have defended me.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) initially acted out of generosity, providing a free ride to a coworker for over a year based on a belief in helping others, especially those facing greater financial strain. The central conflict arose when this free service was monetized unexpectedly by the coworker’s boyfriend, leading the OP to set a new financial boundary for future rides, which the coworker rejected, ending the arrangement.
Was the OP petty for demanding compensation after being asked to pay a fee for a ride themselves, or was the coworker’s refusal to acknowledge the OP’s past generosity and support a justification for establishing new, transactional terms? The core question is whether the shift from voluntary favor to required payment justified the OP’s decision to monetize their own transportation service.
Here’s how people reacted:
It’s the boyfriend’s car, and he isn’t required to let anyone ride in it for free if he doesn’t want to. And since it’s not your coworker’s car, or your or you coworker’s expenses, neither you nor the coworker gets a say in whether or not he asks for money in exchange for giving you a ride. You may be in a situation where you can afford to let people ride for free, but that doesn’t mean that everybody is too.
And you do have a right to make that same decision for your own vehicle, I’m saying YTA based on your motivation for doing so. You had no problem allowing your coworker riding with you for free until her boyfriend’s decision, which means that it was just being done as a form of revenge for a decision that she ultimately had no control over.
The major transgression in this story is the co-worker asking you for the $20 for her BF. After 14 months of free rides, that is absolutely ridiculous. Whether she convinces the BF to not ask for money or pays him $20 herself is immaterial. Making the request to you is the height of rudeness and tastelessness.
Personally I think you should have refused to provide any future rides, and asking for the $30 from her could be construed as pettiness. But imo continuing to give her rides for the $30 minimizes her awful behavior more than it is an act of pettiness on your part.
Your offer of one third of your cost was pretty generous. She had free rides, she tanked the possibility for herself over measly $20. Not the sharpest tool in the shed.
While she can blame her bf she went a long with it. She should have explained to him how for over a year you gave her free rides and asking for money was tacky of him. But she didn’t she just went a long with it. She showed you what she thought of your kindness and friendship. You’re just showing her the same.
NTA
Your not petty your just showing people your not a mug
She should’ve put her foot down and put HIS petty a$$ in his place. This entitled, doormat of a woman is not your friend, OP.
You are NTA and you are not petty.
$20 for 2 days is $10 a day. I would have said “Great! What a deal. $10 a day for a ride to work is a great standard price. I have drove you for 280 days, which is $2,800 dollars. Minus the $20 for these two days, you owe me $2,780. Thanks!”
Let her boyfriend drive her to work for a couple months and then comes back and says she is willing to pay for your gas…tell her thanks but no thanks