Behind her gentle words lies a storm of emotions, a silent plea for understanding that transcends blame. Her heart is tethered to love and hope, yet she yearns for a partnership that truly shares the relentless labor of nurturing their fragile new life.
I (26F) and my husband (26M) share a baby together (6months F). There are a few things I could complain about my husband when it comes to helping me with our baby but I won’t get into those as I can handle without.
My husband works 9 hour days, currently 6 days a week (usually 4 but his schedule has changed), each night he comes home, spends an hour (maybe 2) with our daughter, then jumps on a game.
I never tell him no when playing a game as we all need down time after work. In that time, I put our child to sleep (takes 30-40 minutes), clean her toys and crawling space, wash her bottles and prepare for the night (can take upwards of an hour and a half) on top of doing cooking and cleaning every day.
Because our daughter doesn’t nap long enough I can never get a shower when he’s away at work.
So as of currently I am showering once a week (was 3 times a week originally). On his day off, near the end of the day after he played games for about 4-ish hours on and off, I asked him if he would mind if I took a shower.
I could tell he got upset, he told his friends “I guess we’re not doing this today, maybe another day,” his friends replied with something (I couldn’t hear) and he said “yup” (note the tone of his voice through all of this was obviously not very happy).
Once off the game he stomps away, still upset. Now I’m waiting to go to the bathroom to shower, and I’m just wondering. AITA for asking to shower?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is clearly feeling neglected and overwhelmed, evidenced by her inability to maintain basic self-care like regular showering due to the demands of caring for a six-month-old baby while her husband prioritizes extensive gaming time. The central conflict lies in the disconnect between the OP’s urgent need for personal space and help, and her husband’s emotional reaction when asked to temporarily pause his leisure activity to fulfill his parental responsibilities.
Is the OP at fault for requesting a brief period of childcare coverage so she could take a necessary shower, or is the husband justified in feeling his dedicated downtime was being unfairly interrupted by this request, given his demanding work schedule?
Here’s how people reacted:
You may have to work on letting some household tasks slide a bit and taking more advantage of the two hours he’s with the baby. On his one day off the two of you need to discuss BOTH of you getting some downtime. For example you could ask for two hours to take a shower and a short nap at a certain time so he won’t be in the middle of a game when you ask and can plan accordingly.
I was a SAHM for many years. When my husband was at work, the kids and the house were my job. When he was home, we were both responsible. He can have some downtime, but he needs to understand that you need some as well.
I do want to add that I used to pull a baby swing or pack n play into the bathroom or in the doorway to get time to bath. Your child will be okay for a few minutes if they’re fed and in a safe place. You do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
He gets home and gets to game with his friends while your work day continues. I’m guessing that you also are in charge of night time parenting of the child too.
While time to relax is important, when is your time off? Two hours playing with his child while you work on other necessary stuff is not rest.
Having to say “hey, can you take care of the baby? I need a shower” is a tiny ask. That he got all huffy is a bad sign.
This needs sorting asap, he’s not pulling his weight as a coparent.
What kind of husband won’t let their wife have a daily shower. The reality is that once you have kids, gaming should become lower on the list of priorities.
When we had our first child, I would game while cudling the baby or having it sleep on my chest while I gamed. Our second child was so needy that he had to be held almost 24/7, and as much as I enjoy gaming, it should not come at the expense of a healthy family and kids.
As a side note: at 6 months old, napping or not, your child should be okay in their crib for 20-30 minutes while you shower. Even if they cry, as long as there isn’t anything in the crib with them, they’re in no danger. So shower, Mama.
\- Watching your daughter is his responsibility.
\- Your wellness is very important; things like showering and rest are needs, not wants.
\- You’ve spoiled your husband a lot. That’s not your fault tho because you’re not his mom.
Your husband’s priorities are:
1 his job
2 gaming
3 eating, sleeping, etc.
4 you
Your priorities are:
1 caring for your child
2 kissing your husband’s ass
3 yourself
Does this seem right?
You need to take more than one shower per week!
Your issue with your husband is another story. I just can’t even…
NTA