Among the wreckage, each cousin bore their own wounds—one trapped behind bars chasing fleeting dreams, another hardened by prejudice and bitterness, while the narrator lived as the outcast, the “weird trans cousin” in a family fractured by anger and misunderstanding. Their story is one of quiet endurance amidst a legacy of dysfunction and heartbreak.
So my uncle was a total asshole. He made lots of questionable choices in life and I’m not proud of him at all. We weren’t close either. But I was always polite to him.
He was serial cheater and left to be with his mistresses, marry them, only to cheat on them with someone new again.
The children of his first wife absolutely despised him. The divorce was messy and rocky between their parents.
Cousin A ended up being a wannabe rapper, he’s currently in jail for drunk driving and taking the cops on a police chase. So he’s sitting in a cell with 4 felony charges. He and I were always friendly to one another, but I wouldn’t say we have a relationship at all currently.
Cousin B is generally just an ass towards me and is very bigoted. I’m part of the LGBT community and she’s been directly hateful towards me before. She’s a navy vet and a mom. Lives a modest life with her husband and kids, but hates her dad, for good reason.
I was the “weird trans cousin” in my family. My uncle himself never was rude towards me about it and was one of the first people to use my new name. And while I never liked him or approved of his actions I was cordial towards him when he visited for the sake of my grandmother.
(My grandmother raised me so I was always at the house when her son’s, my uncles, came to visit.)
I was the only one of my cousins to go to college, buy a house, and generally live a quiet and mundane life. My mother got pregnant as a teen so her brothers (including my uncle) always told her I would never amount to anything.
Once I grew up they stopped talking badly about me because my accomplishments spoke for themselves. I also never got into any drama or trouble so I’ve been able to hold a great reputation in my family as an adult.
Nobody can talk shit about me because, well, they have no dirt.
Before my uncle passed he told my mother “don’t worry about your son. I will be putting him in my will as my beneficiary. Fuck my kids.”
When my mother told me I was shocked and disappointed. When we were kids my cousins were his pride and joy, his actions blew up those relationships and during his final years he was alone and bitter.
As a final “fuck you” he decided to give me everything and nothing to his kids. My uncle was also very successful and wealthy, he apparently squirreled away a good chunk of assets.
WIBTA if I accepted the inheritance he gave to me?
Or should I give it to my cousins?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is in a difficult position, feeling conflicted about accepting a significant inheritance from an uncle whom they never respected due to his poor personal conduct. The central conflict lies between the OP’s personal feelings about the deceased uncle and the apparent wishes of the uncle’s estranged children, who feel entitled to the wealth following years of neglect and parental damage.
Given the uncle’s final act of disinheritance toward his children in favor of the OP, should the OP accept the substantial inheritance, or should they ethically distribute the assets to the cousins who are the uncle’s biological heirs, despite their strained relationship with him?
Here’s how people reacted:
If you feel like you really must or you owe his kids SOME of the inheritance for whatever reason, you’re a fucking adult, and by God you can do that if you want to
BUT, you certainly don’t have to. And the morality police aren’t going to put you up against the wall if you don’t.
The most fascinating aspect of your predicament is there really is no wrong or right answer here. You are truly free to do what you please, should you choose to do so.
I think a double bonus would be to speak to a wealth manager or what have you, get some investments going, and start setting up a retirement for yourself. If you want you can even like, give the cousins some scraps from your investments. Or not.
But oh yea I forgot, your extended family seems like pieces of shit. You don’t owe them anything lmao. But yea, do what you want.
You have my permission to give them nothing, though, it’s fine. I promise. You are loved. You are innately worthy.
Good luck. ❤️
I can understand the mixture of feelings you must be having here, because by accepting the money, it would almost feel like you’re not acknowledging just how toxic he was to his kids.
Here’s the thing, you owe your cousins nothing. One would piss the money away and the other has intentionally been hateful towards you.
It sounds like you have a real conflict of how best to proceed, so that you can walk away with your integrity. Keep a small portion, donate some to mental health support and LGBT2+ communities. Set up a fund for both cousins, so you can then give the money if the one cleans up his act and for the second one’s children when they hit 18.
You are not the reason that they didn’t get an inheritance and it doesn’t show bad character on you for accepting it.
But don’t feel like you must/should do anything other than keep it. It’s yours. You have had every negative emotion turned into words against you, and you’ve thrived in spite of that. I understand the anger his kids felt toward him, but by choosing to cut and hate their dad, they must have known this would happen when it came to any inheritance. They might’ve been right to reject him, but…consequences.
You’re the type of person who deserves a boon for taking shit from everyone, maintaining cordial relationships, and being true to who you are. Take your boon – it was tough to gain respect from a hard man, but you did it.
Accept the money and immediately speak with a financial planner. If you don’t have one, ask the most financially stable, successful person you know for a referral.
If you are in good financial shape, then this money may be your ticket to early retirement or, if you have kids, it could help with college. If you don’t NEED it, beyond a little celebratory splurge, consider investing and basically trying to forget you have it. Let it grow and work for you.
I’m selfish so I’d keep it, but i wouldn’t try to to twist it and justify it as anything other than selfish behaviour
But you would not be the a hole is you honored your youthful relationship and used some of that money in ways that help your cousins. You are not obliged to do that, but it would not be wrong to do it either.
Respect him. Respect his wishes. Honor him. Keep the money.
Use what you get to improve your life and those you care for
What you did (be cordial) the kids could have done also.