AITA for not giving my dad’s gf my change

A seventeen-year-old boy visits his dad for the weekend, stepping into a world where his dad’s girlfriend, Tessa, and her child have already woven themselves into the fabric of family life. What should have been a simple night out turns into an emotional test of boundaries and respect when a request for his hard-earned change sparks tension and misunderstanding.

Caught between his own independence and the expectations of his dad and Tessa, the boy faces the painful reality of feeling judged and misunderstood. His refusal to give up a few coins—a small act of saving—becomes a symbol of deeper struggles for recognition, fairness, and the fragile balance of blended family dynamics.

AITA for not giving my dad's gf my change

I (17m) came to visit my dad for the weekend. His girlfriend “Tessa” doesn’t live with him (I guess) but is here all the time, and she has a kid.

We all went out to dinner yesterday, and stopped at Walmart after. I found a movie that I wanted so I bought it and used cash. Tessa’s daughter got some candy and gave her mom the change.

I didn’t think anything of it and figured her mom have her money. I bought my movie with money I got from working, it’s not like my dad gave it to me or it was allowance or anything.

When we were leaving Tessa asked me if she could have my change. I said “what? No?” And looked at my dad. She said “not the singles just the change because I need quarters for the laundry mat”.

I said “no I save my change sorry “. I thought that was the end of it.

Then later my dad talked to me while we were outside, he said that I came off as stingy and should have just given Tessa my change, she has to used the laundry mat and it’s not even a dollar I’d be giving her.

I said “well it’s kinda weird for her to be asking a kid that’s not ever HER kid for money”. He said “again it’s not even a dollar, she’s been having a hard time getting quarters”.

I said “I have a whole change jar at moms, I can go get it”. He said “and give it to her?” I said “no… I’ll count it out and she can buy the change from me” (I usually cash it in at the bank anyways).

He said “never mind, I just thought you could give her the change from earlier. Be the bigger person. You’re lucky you have it so good and don’t have to pay to do laundry ” I do my laundry at home, not his house anyways.

Today Tessa kept making comments about how she’s glad she taught her daughter to share and not be entitled.

I don’t have a problem with giving her the 75 cents if even that, but I feel like then everytime I’m over here and buy something/get change I’ll be expected to hand it over to her.

Here’s how people reacted:

Alarming_Paper_8357

NTA, and your father is off-base on this one. If Tessa needs quarters, then your dad can reach in HIS pocket and hand them over. To demand money from your boyfriend’s kid is crazy. I get that quarters are hard to come by in some areas — thank you, pandemic — but she should have at least offered to buy them from you. At that point, it could have been your decision to say, “OK, thanks” or “Oh, don’t worry about it, here.” But yeah, having Tessa demand money from you, and then be snippy about your “lack of generosity” is wacked. Dad blew it on this one.

Valuable_Ad_742

NTA- she needs to find a laundromat that does rechargeable cards. In my area we’re still having a coin shortage/circulation problem. Your offer for her to buy your change off of her was perfect. The whole “bigger person” thing is BS, they are expecting you to just give her money? She’s an adult and her responsibility to figure out a solution to her problems. Plus it’s one time now, but I wonder how much her daughter had given her in change over the years cause it adds up.

j-j19293

NTA. Your money your rules. If you feel like giving it to her good for you, and vise versa. I don’t know what your father was talking about when he said “Be the bigger person” when in fact you were for standing up for your self. You dads girlfriend shouldn’t have to rely on kids to provide for her, she needs to act like an adult. Also very childish and petty of her to make those comments about her kid that were directed towards you.

Lastdipbender

Lmao “Raised her child to share and not be entitled.” Yet she herself feels entitled enough to get the change from your hard earned money? She might wanna think about that a little more if she can’t see the hypocrisy. NTA at all, dad’s girlfriend needs to do some self reflection.

jadepumpkin1984

Nta. Also, I tell my kids they don’t have to share. Why? Well no one is entitled to anything. They can ask and my child has the option to share only if they want. Im not entitled to your plate of food or your car. You are not entitled to my home.

beeeeeebee

NTA – it’s weird for an adult to be asking a child for money. And even weirder that she’s harping on it so much… If your dad is so concerned about her laundry situation, why doesn’t he let her do it at his house??

theshadowppl9

NTA All laundromats have change machines and extra quarters on hand. She can easily get them there. She sounds like a control freak and unfortunately for you, your father is clearly pussywhipped.

Eldest_of_Five

NTA. She’s not entitled to your money, whether or not it’s small change. If she really needed quarters she should be asking the man she’s dating, not his kid. Your father’s a bit ridiculous.

bmanley620

The adult demanding free change from a 17 year old is claiming the 17 year old is entitled! Ha that’s rich. Also your dad sucks for enabling her childish behavior. NTA

Consistent-Leopard71

NTA. Tessa is not entitled to your money and your Dad sucks for suggesting that you’re stingy. If it’s so minor, then he can get quarters to *give* her.

OkFaithlessness8942

Ok is the US different from the rest of the world? Can you not just exchange money in a bank? Or is the only option to drip-steal from a child?!

halseydota

NTA. She’s not entitled to your money. Actively passing her snottiness and entitlement onto her daughter is a nice detail, though.

Conclusion

The original poster (OP) is facing a conflict between respecting their personal finances, even small amounts like spare change, and accommodating the requests of their father’s girlfriend (Tessa) and the expectations set by their father.

Was the OP wrong for refusing to hand over loose change to Tessa when asked, or was Tessa wrong to pressure both the OP and the father into demanding money that was earned by the OP, regardless of the small amount?