Despite clear signals of distress, the husband dismisses her growls and responds with harshness, hitting her snout or head—a daily cycle of pain and misunderstanding. The owner watches helplessly, heartbroken, as the innocent plea for respect is met with force, threatening the very love that once bound them all together.
I have an 8 year old Jack Russel Terrier. Over the last year she hasn’t liked anyone picking her up but myself, I’m very gentle with her, whenever anyone else try’s to she growls at them.
My husband is very playful with her, it’s sometimes cute. He can be a little rough though, picking her up quickly, firmly petting her, he says he likes to “pet the love in” & he presses kind of hard.
He irritates her in a playful manor by rubbing all over her body. Whenever he does these things she lets out a growl, she has never bitten anyone. I’d like to preface that he doesn’t do these things in a gentle manor & that she’s only 14lbs.
He does this daily & receives growls, thus he hits her snout or her head every time she growls at him. In my eyes she’s telling him to leave her alone.
I’ve asked my husband to stop hitting her or to not do the things that make her growl, he doesn’t listen to me & it’s been a daily occurrence. I don’t like seeing my dog getting hit daily.
I’m glad he’s giving her love & attention but it’s not the kind that she wants. He hit her tonight for her growling & I back handed his cheek with the same force he used to hit her (very lightly).
I feel like an asshole & I very well may be one. My husband blew up at me for back handing his cheek even though it was very soft. My motherly instincts kicked in & I feel stupid.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is deeply conflicted, feeling a strong protective instinct towards their dog, which led them to physically intervene against their husband’s behavior. The central conflict lies between the OP’s established boundary regarding the dog’s safety and comfort, and the husband’s insistence on interacting with the dog in a manner the dog clearly rejects, culminating in physical punishment by the husband and a physical reaction by the OP.
Was the OP justified in physically protecting their dog from what they perceived as harmful interaction, or did their reaction cross a line by physically engaging with their spouse, even softly? Does the husband’s consistent disregard for the dog’s clear communication warrant the OP’s swift, protective escalation?
Here’s how people reacted:
She is 8, she’s getting older, she might have an injury or a sore spot on her body. My dog starting complaining when we tried to pick him up under the arms and we eventually figured out his harness was rubbing against his armpits making it sore. We got a new harness and he’s fine with being picked up now. Maybe discuss with your vet her change in behavior over the last year and see if she might have any issues causing pain.
She’s a mature lady, your husband should be gentle with her and respect her boundaries.
Tell him in dog Lang he would’ve been bit by now. Physical force should only ever be used for timely corrections and physical force (imo) doesn’t include slapping or knocking on the head. Dogs have a big pain tolerance than they let on but once you hit it they will just SNAP and a small dog bite can ruin your hands/fingers for MONTHS.
Then he’d be complaining that your dog is aggressive, start correcting him since he wants to act like an untrained dog. When he does behaviors to your Russel you don’t like, physically put yourself between him and the dog, remove both of yourselves from the space and leave him alone. It’s a social behavior all animals understand, timeout.
For your pup, if he wants to LEARN how to properly correct her when she begins to growl… Answer is stop stimulating her. If she shows teeth a proper way to deal with that is to say off/down (from the couch or bed) or to straight up make a sound and then withdrawal from play. He does not need to smack her and if she is already a growler smacking/being tense will absolutely cause her to bite. Protect your dog.
You chose this man. You married him. You have watched him torture this dog and punish it over and over again. Now, you want to cry about it on the web, a situation you caused.
He is disrespecting you and treating you as if you don’t understand, or that he knows better. He doesn’t. If he can’t pet and play nice, he can’t pet or play at all. NTA.
You can’t just tell it “hey, don’t do that”, you have to speak their language. Sometimes that involves showing dominance. Literally just nature.
The dog is trying to intimidate, and that’s horrible behavior for them to be allowed to show towards a family member.
One of the greatest tests for personal morality is what you do when you have total power over something. If laws weren’t the way they are he’d probably treat you this way.
You don’t have “mother instincts” lol. A decent mother would’ve put a stop to this a long time ago.
He’s instigating and then abusing her for being upset that he’s disrespecting her boundaries.
Mostly your husband, because hitting a dog is pretty unacceptable except in extreme circumstances.
Slapping him, however, was not the answer and likely made the situation worse.
Your husband has been abusing your dog. And you need to get BOTH of you out of there. People who abuse animals don’t take long to make the jump to people.
Rehome the husband. He doesnt respect the boundaries of your tiny dog. He probably doesn’t respect yours either
YTA for allowing this.
GLAD you hit him back.
DIVORCE.
Domestic violence has roots in animal abuse.