But when she returned to share this symbol of love, she found her husband already indulging in the very meal meant to celebrate her niece. The quiet betrayal shattered the anticipation, turning a day meant for joy into a moment heavy with hurt and unspoken questions.
My niece’s (13) birthday was last Wed. She’s the most intelligent, most creative kid in the family. She loves her Auntie’s (me) lasagna and says it’s to die for. For her birthday, she asked that I make her lasagna cause she loves it so much and having it will complete her happy day, I agreed with no hasitation.
The day before her birthday I got to work. I went shopping for ingredients and spent hours in the kitchen to prepare it.
At 3pm My husband got home, had lunch then opened the fridge to grab a drink and saw the lasagna. He asked about it and I answered this lasagna was made for my niece’s birthday. I told him I made family size portion so we could all eat together there at my parents house.
He was like “oh, really?”. I asked him to please not touch it and he said he won’t.
He fell asleep on the couch after checking his phone as I went upstairs to get stuff done. At 4pm I came downstairs to wake him up to go to my parents and found him already sitting up with plate in hand.
I looked closer and saw he took a piece of the lasagna and ate it.
I looked at him he asked “are you okay?..hungry?” While offering leftovers from his plate I lost it on him and asked why he touched the lasagna when I already warned against touching it since it was for my niece’s party.
He said ” I woke up feeling hungry” okay but he already had lunch and other snacks available in the fridge. He replied he really wanted to get a piece and couldn’t wait til we got to my parents and reminded me that he loses his apetite at my parents house.
I called him unbelieveable cause he ruined how the lasagna looked when he cut the middle of it and messed it up by a kid. I spent time, money, effort on it and he casually said “No big deal” but to me it is especially sine I told him this was for my niece’s party.
He said I was overreacting and needed to chill because he was hungry and it’s not like he ate the whole thing. And then suggested I stop by the supermarket and grab one if It’s that “important” as he quoted with his fingers
We got into an argument over this and he ended up not going saying it’s cause of how treated him over lasagna. When I got home he kept giving me cold shoulder, didn’t even ask how things went after what he did.
My husband has ADHD but normally he understands when I ask him to leave stuff alone. He also loves food and his favorite is lasagna. While there was no harm with him taking a piece, I just lost my temper which is a bad thing.
Conclusion
The Original Poster (OP) invested significant time and care into preparing a special lasagna specifically for her niece’s birthday celebration, leading to a clear boundary set with her husband regarding this special item. The central conflict arose when the husband knowingly crossed this explicit boundary due to a sudden desire for food, resulting in the OP feeling deeply disrespected and angry about the perceived disregard for her efforts and the niece’s special request.
Given that the husband’s action, while minor in scope (one piece of lasagna), directly violated a stated boundary for a child’s special event, should the OP’s strong emotional reaction be viewed as an overreaction to a food item, or was it a justified response to a fundamental breach of respect and consideration within the marriage?
Here’s how people reacted:
He did something that upset you. You told him you were upset and why and he turned the argument into one about how you raised your grievance so that he can play the victim and so that the original issue is never resolved.
What he did showed complete and total disrespect for your feelings. He KNEW it would upset you but decided to do what he wanted any way. I would not be surprised if he did it to upset you intentionally so that he could skip the party and stay home playing video games. So he caused you to be upset, then he is just so upset with you for being upset that he just can’t make it to the party.
I’d be shocked if he isn’t selfish and uncaring in many other ways. He is manipulating you. If you want to discover his other tactics and manipulations they will all be listed in the first few chapters of this free book. https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat
PS couples counseling won’t work with someone this manipulative, they will weaponize the process. Individual counseling can help you set and maintain healthy boundaries. Be careful not to have any children until you are able to do so.
There’s three levels to this
1. You can eat ABSOLUTELY anything other thing in your house or just order if you’re starving and so helpless that you can’t cook without your wife
2. You can eat the lasagna, if you’re so handicapped to not make anything up for yourself and then be contrite and sorry to your wife for messing her efforts up entirely.
3. Or you can just be a complete ass hat. And do what this dude did.
OP if I were you, I’d be asking him to make his own food from now on. And yeah, wouldn’t be too beneath me to go eat stuff he’s kept for himself. Because apparently it’s not such a big deal
It’s pretty clear he doesn’t actually care about your feelings about this though since he’s still punishing you for being upset about his asshole behavior.
I would change the locks next time he goes out and file for divorce. It makes my skin crawl thinking about living with someone who is so casually and deliberately cruel to me.
If you’re wondering whether he did an asshole-ish thing, yes, he did.
But that’s a separate issue from you, and I don’t feel that I have enough info to assess whether you’re an A.
Edit: Thank you for the upvotes & awards! ❤️
edited to add: as someone with adhd, it does not prevent me from understanding that if someone asks me not to eat something i should not eat it!
But I’m curious—why the middle? That is so strange. I can’t figure out why anyone would start in the middle of a pan of lasagna!