The walls of their shared apartment seemed to close in tighter with each encounter, a space meant for friendship and trust now tainted by Mark’s invasive presence. Sam’s pleas for understanding hovered between them like a fragile thread, threatening to snap under the strain of betrayal and unspoken fear.
I’m Sam, my roommates name is Lauren, and her boyfriends name is Mark. Lauren and Mark have been dating for maybe four months. Mark always hits on me. Like always. As soon as Lauren walks away, Mark is laying it on thick with compliments, and asking when our lease is up.
I wear a lot of body-con and sometimes low cut clothing , so I expect to get glances maybe mild staring. But this guy is very obviously hitting on me, and often times in ways that make me uncomfortable, especially since he is always at our apartment.
I have told Lauren several times that Mark hits on me, and she just rolls her eyes. She doesn’t believe me, which is confusing to me. Lauren and I have been roommates for five years.
In that time she has dated three other guys, and I have never complained about this before.
So yesterday she tells me that Mark is coming over. I was like, great, I told her if she would just walk upstairs in our apartment building, and tell Mark that she was going around the block, she would walk in and see him hitting on me.
She actually agreed to do it to “humor” me.
Mark gets to the apartment, and I am just doing the dishes, I tell him that Lauren went to the store up the block, but she is really right outside the door. He sits at the counter and starts chatting with me normally, then the conversation turns to him hitting on me.
Normally I just walk away from Mark, but I endured it so that Lauren would see/hear.
She came in and told Mark to go to her room. Then she then she starts yelling at *ME*. Saying I saying I tried to seduce him and that I dressed like a slut. And I’m like “I *always* dress like a slut Lauren!
Who cares! Your boyfriend is hitting on me!” We argued and both said some shitty stuff to each other.
She and Mark are staying in her bedroom and we haven’t spoken to each other since. As I’m thinking about it, I’m wondering if I am an asshole for even trying to do this but at the same time I think she sucks for not believing me in the first place.
I live in New York. I love my neighborhood I don’t want to have to find a new roommate because of this idiot. If I did an asshole thing please tell me. AITA
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is in a deeply conflicted emotional state, feeling invalidated by a long-term roommate while simultaneously attempting to expose inappropriate behavior from the roommate’s boyfriend. The central conflict stems from the OP’s direct action to prove Mark’s flirting, which backfired when the roommate, Lauren, turned the accusation back onto the OP, blaming her appearance and actions.
The core question for consideration is whether the OP was justified in setting up a situation to catch the boyfriend in the act, even if it meant escalating a pre-existing communication breakdown, or if this manipulative test ultimately undermined the foundation of trust necessary for their long-term housing arrangement.
Here’s how people reacted:
NTA
Absolute favorite. You are my hero! Also doesn’t matter how you dress, especially when your intent is not to catch this guys attention. Her anger seems misdirected and unfortunately that can be the repercussions of trying to alert someone to someone else wrong doings.
I would give her space, let them cool off and then maybe the next chance you get when hes not around just say your peace. That you care and that your sorry she had to face what he was doing but that you’ve known each other for a long time and its hurtful that she didn’t believe you.
Hopefully she’ll come to her senses eventually and realise that if you had in fact been trying to seduce him, you wouldn’t have brought any of this to her attention in the first place.
Also I loved your “I always dress like a slut, Lauren” comeback.
All I’m seeing is laying it on thick with compliments, asking when the lease is up, and then in the ‘trap’ all you say is normal conversation turns to him hitting on me.
She didnt believe you and you proved your point in the best way you could. Also, love your self awareness. And, what you are wearing doesnt matter when her bf is being a total creep in your home!
How you dress has no bearing on his behaviour
Him hitting on/flirting with you is his problem you aren’t responsible for that or your roomates reaction.
‘I always dress like a slut’ is my new favorite sentence
> “I always dress like a slut Lauren! Who cares! Your boyfriend is hitting on me!”