In a world where her Mediterranean heritage paints her with thick, dark hair, she grapples with the frustration of not fitting into her father’s rigid ideals of perfection. Her floral dress and worn Doc Martens become symbols of her quiet rebellion and the complex dance of trying to be herself while seeking approval in a family bound by unspoken rules.
It’s me again with another stupid clothing dilemma, yay. This happened when me (15F) and my dad (44M) went to a restaurant with my grandfather (71M) because it was my grandfather’s birthday.
I only shave my legs and armpits in the summer because shaving takes a lot of time and is as annoying as hell. My dad forces me to lift up my arms and he makes puking noises if I even have stubble.
I’ve tried explaining that it’s impossible for me to get rid of all the hair. I have mostly Mediterranean ancestry so I have a lot of thick, dark hair.
I wore a new floral dress that I bought a few days before the dinner. My mom had dropped me off after we were in the car for two hours. Because of this the only shoes I had were doc martens.
Not the most formal thing, but they were my only option. I shaved the night before but I missed a few spots. My dad kept saying, “you shouldn’t wear shit kickers to a nice dinner!” He has a point but I already tried to explain all of my other shoes were at my mom’s house.
The dress he also complained about, and he said that my outfit made me look like Courtney Love (lol).
Then, he saw the leg hair that I missed. He told me that I looked dirty and unprofessional. As I’ve mentioned, I explained everything to my dad. However, I could have put more thought and effort into how I looked.
I know that this is kind of petty, but AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is clearly struggling with the conflict between their desire for personal autonomy regarding their appearance and their father’s strict, critical expectations, especially concerning body hair and dress code for a family event. The OP feels misunderstood and unfairly judged, despite offering explanations for their clothing choices and hair removal status.
Is the father’s insistence on a perfect appearance rooted in genuine concern for social propriety, or is it an overstep into controlling a teenager’s bodily autonomy and personal style; where should the line be drawn between parental guidance and excessive criticism in matters of presentation?
Here’s how people reacted:
1. Her dad checks her armpits, often
2. Her dad commented on the vaginal discharge in her underwear, that he was inspecting
3. Her dad has a “obsession with my ass”
4. Her dad catcalls Women
5. Her dad used to be touchy with her when she was a child
6. Her dad pays enough attention to her leg hair to notice when she’s missed a spot
7. Her dad wants her to lose weight. She is 105lbs (height not specified but I was 105 at that age and LEAN, and I was a short kid)
Sweetheart I don’t think your dad is a good person
>My dad forces me to lift up my arms and he makes puking noises if I even have stubble.
Ewwww any so obsessed with your body – next he want to check your bikini line??? Creep alert!
Edited because I saw OP posted this:
*My mom knows about it, she just tells me to ignore it but I can’t.* ***He used to be a little… touchy with me and enjoyed slapping my ass even after I told him to stop.***
This is just awful. Show your mum this and escalate by showing this post or involve other adults. This behaviour is very alarming. Please don’t leave this unaddressed. It isn’t normal!
Your dad is sexist, and he humiliates and belittles you in order to convince you to adhere to his gender policing. There is in fact, nothing wrong with not shaving your armpits or legs. Some people prefer it, some people think it’s more attractive, but your dad shouldn’t really need you to make yourself attractive for him.
I just saw your comment about how he used to be “touchy” with you and slap your ass and stuff. Obviously your mom is unwilling to help, which is awful, but is there a more trustworthy adult in your life you can talk to? This doesn’t sound like a good situation.
NTA
IDK what you can do, but maybe plead illness on the next visitation and ask to remain with your mom, find an excuse not to overnight (sleepover with a friend, visits to grandpa) so he’s not going through your laundry, and start wearing long sleeves and jeans around him.
My parents never, never did such things as lifting my armpits to check my shaving, nor have any friends boyfriends.
Oh and by the way dresses and docs look great together…
my dad’s family is italian, my mom’s family is Greek. my *entire* family is pissed off that i have thick, dark body hair. i absolutely understand where you’re coming from & why it hurts, & also your dad’s a total clown. that level of obsession with your own child’s body hair, while unfortunately very common In Mediterranean families, should *not* be normalized.
Since you’re a kid your parents might *ask* you to change clothes but the key word is ask, not shame you when you don’t have options.
Please tell your mom what he does if you haven’t already.
Do you enjoy visitation with your Dad? Do you have to go? He sounds creepy and abusive and he shouldn’t be talking to you like that. Ever. That making you lift your arms up for inspection is especially disturbing.
>unprofessional
For a birthday party? 🥴
Your dad is being completely inappropriate about your body. He shouldn’t be checking your armpits and shouldn’t be commenting om your leg hair.
He sounds like a vulgar human being who you should pay no mind to. Especially after calling Doc Martens “shit kickers”…like???
Next time your dad throws a tantrum, ask him to get you laser hair removal since it bothers him so much and the price might shut him up.