But that evening, in the quiet vulnerability of a friend’s home, the unspoken finally spilled out. John’s confession shattered the delicate balance, leaving her breathless and torn — caught between the shock of his truth and the unwavering commitment she held in her heart.
I’ve been friends with this guy named John, for around 2-3 years, we’re fairly close and John has always tried to let on hints that he might be interested in me.
Despite that John knows that I’m in a longtime relationship with my boyfriend of around 4-years who we’ll call C. Now C trusts me and despite knowing that John might be interested, he lets me handle it by myself.
I’ve tried to make it painfully obvious to John, who knows I’m in a relationship. I might say things like “wow you’re a great friend to me”. When asked if I’m interested, in front of him, I would say “No, he’s like a brother to me”.
Now John and I were at a friends place (still social distancing ofc) and were helping set up her tv. The others were in the living room, while John dragged me aside and to quote what he said “-twinklefloof- I’ve really liked you for some time now, do you mind maybe giving me a shot”
I was really surprised and the only thing I could think to say was “yikes” and dashed out of there, it was awkward the rest of the time, and he never said a word after that.
When coming home and telling my boyfriend, he was pissed that John tried to initiate something, but is glad I shut it down so quickly. Now some of my friends are calling me telling me that was incredibly rude, especially since I knew that he liked me for a long time.
We’re in the same friend group, so it’s not like I can just avoid John, I’ve attempted to unsuccessfully. I’ve tried to apologize but he won’t hear it, AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster faced a difficult situation where a long-time friend, John, confessed his romantic feelings despite knowing she was in a committed relationship. While the poster firmly rejected him, her immediate, blunt reaction of saying “yikes” has led to social friction within the friend group, with some suggesting her response was unnecessarily rude given John’s known feelings.
Should the poster prioritize maintaining group harmony by offering a softer apology for the delivery of the rejection, or was her immediate, honest reaction justified because John crossed a significant boundary by confessing while she was clearly taken? Where does the responsibility lie for managing the awkwardness following an unwanted advance?
Here’s how people reacted:
He shouldn’t be asking people out when they’re in a relationship.
If this was a random, I’d say not the AH, but this is a close friend of several years who is integrated into your friend group to the point that he is unavoidable, and that you say is like a brother to you. I think you failed to consider the consequences of your response given the context. This person obviously wasn’t going to just disappear.
You seem to have tried to be indirect for a long time, instead of sitting him down and telling him directly that you’re not interested, don’t like his hints, and want him to stop dropping them. I get that people need to read the room, but close friends are worth the awkwardness of being direct.
Even if you had said yikes and ran off, you could have followed up later to say “I was shocked and angry that you’d ask me out when I have a boyfriend”. You don’t owe him a *positive* response, but saying yikes and then running off with no conflict resolution just seems silly.
He owes YOU an apology and you should demand one from him. Also, tell your friends to back off. You own John NOTHING, not even friendship, and your friends who are backing him up are supporting the idea that a man’s desire for a woman trumps a woman’s lack of desire for him. That’s what’s known as “rape culture” although this is, of course, a less serious manifestation of that. Tell them to knock it off.
Look, this guy crushing on you for ages doesn’t mean when he does ask you it’s not going to take you by surprise… he’s had years to ask you already and didn’t until now, so what changed? Why would you be expecting it?
He KNOWS you’re in a long term relationship. That’s so fucking disrespectful, basically cornering you and then calling you an asshole when you ran the fuck away from that whole situation.
NTA. Obviously.
Did he expect a kinder let down? You could have exploded at him with _WTAF is wrong with you?! You know I have a boyfriend! Fuck Right Off!_ And you _still_ wouldn’t be TA.
I can understand having feelings for someone, even when they are in a relationship. That’s when you put on your big boy panties and move on so you don’t destroy your friendship and complicate your crush’s relationship.
NTA. You are the victim, not him. “Yikes” is the least offensive thing that could have been said at that moment.
Massive yikes to John and everyone who sided with him. IMO he deserved a lot worse than a “yikes” for thinking he could initiate something with someone who’s very clearly taken. NTA
Saying “yikes” and avoiding him for the rest of the night was immature at best, cruel at worst. Now dude won’t speak to you and your friends think you’re a jerk. That’s natural consequences.
Next time, act like an adult.
*What*.
**WHAT**.
It is incredibly rude that you made it *painfully* clear you were not interested in a guy *and where in a relationahip at that time*, and despite all this the bonehead *still* asked you out and you didn’t say yes?
Am I in crazy town? World finally go mad?
NTA by any stretch of the imagination.
Tell your friends that TA knew about your boyfriend and your lack of interest and should have known better than to make a pitch.
The “chance” to make you interested/attracted to them is called Life. They had/have that chance every day.
NTA, OP.
Sure, “yikes” was probably a blow to the ego but it seriously isn’t okay the guy is just ignoring all your signals. If he wants to be a baby and pout bc you turned him away that’s on him.
“Yikes” just about covers it. Ignoring the fact that you have a boyfriend, making it awkward for you and now causing trouble with your friends. Yikes.
It was a surprise reaction. Also, it is definitely “yikes” to invite someone out who is in a committed relationship.