Sounds like your GF likes having you make less money and wants it to stay that way because it makes her feel like she gets more say in your lives. Everything you say points to a woman who has to control you and the relationship 100%. (Witness you buying a house because she wanted to, you doing the housework to compensate for earning less.) And any normal, non-manipulative woman should be proud to have her partner advance his career. Moreover, your working weekends wouldn’t last forever as you progress in the better job…which sounds like a job you really want.

If you don’t intend to have a ring through your nose for the rest of your life, you need to tell your GF you happily accept her offer to terminate the relationship. I promise you will be forever grateful you got this shrew out of your life before she holds you back any more.

I don’t understand how you can say she’s financially supporting you, but you’re in significant debt and don’t have any health insurance or benefits.

Sounds like her financial “support” hasn’t been doing you many favors.

If this is the hill she wants to die on, tell her you’ll turn the job down if she pays for your benefits and starts contributing a monthly amount to your financial debt to pay it down within 2 years. Or she can give you the difference in pay from your current job to this one.

If she’s the one who wants you to stay home, she has to be the one to foot the bill. She’s asking you to continue drowning and offering nothing in return. NTA.

This is a hard one. You will never see each other is her thought here and I understand that. Does she feel like you guys are ok financially? It sounds like she does. 

Considering you’re in a long term relationship, considerably life long, then decisions like this you make together. You will be the asshole to her unless you talk it through and get on the same page before accepting this job. That is a decision you need to make if she really is not going to be okay with it, and it is really what you want

Another question to ask yourself- is this financial gain worth losing her? 

Nta but why is not seeing each other on your off days such a deal breaker for her. My(m) fiance and I(m) both work 70 hours a week, hes of Mondays and im off Wednesdays. We still get time to see each other on each other’s off days. Granted its before I go to my job on Mondays amd when he gets home on Wednesdays but we both make it work. And if we really want to do something together? We request off for a day amd go do what we want to do. Its not the lide I chose to have but a few years of suffering through this will eventually balance out for us

NTA. After reading the comments and your update, tell your girl that if she wants to keep said house then you need to take the new job. Or ask her if she’d like to go back to an apartment if you aren’t “allowed” to take the better job. And being in debt sucks. I’m in debt, I’ve had 2-3 jobs at once this past year. I’m finally at a good paying part time position that will let me keep weekends and apply for an even better paying 9-5/M-F. Me and the bf are taking whatever we can get. I’m going to do anything it takes to get out of debt.

You need the job and she needs to not dictate what you do with the opportunities that are presented to you. I can understand wanting time together but to make it such a big deal that she’s willing to use that as a threat, shows that not only is she not truly supportive, she’s manipulative for whatever reason. A truly supporting girlfriend would find other ways to get time with you because they want you and not specific days. Call her bluff. Take the job and see what happens. You can’t afford to pass on it anyway.

8years together and the first thing she says is we’re done if you take the job… that’s not right. Her whole attitude is off about this… it’s why everyone is saying she’s the AH.
Will she go for a compromise…. Take the job and keep it until you can get another one that will accommodate weekends off… sad reality is that that industry is like retail and weekends are almost always mandatory. Are you going to school for an office job… those pay well and you get weekends off typically.

Can’t you work something out to where you accept the job, agree with you GF you won’t hold the position for longer than X (I’d say 2y but may be too long for you), then get another job with similar pay?

Getting a job that pays significantly more than you’re used to on your resume will help you get higher paying jobs in the future.

Use this as a stepping stone. Play the long game. Make her understand you’re doing this for the long-term health of your relationship.

She needs to grow up. This is a great opportunity for you. You will still have lots of time together, it’s just not at the “normal” times. And my god this isn’t forever. The goal will be for you to eventually get preferred shifts. Things can’t keep going as they are and this is a great solution—even if it’s temporary. I guess I don’t really understand why she’s so against it. Is she insecure about going out alone on the weekends?

Will go against the grain a bit – what are the hours for restaurant manager?

Is it weekend days or weekend nights? There is often a party scene that goes along with restaurants, especially if there is a bar there. I’ve seen this with my brother and a good friend at different times and places – these jobs can be challenging to relationships, and there is a recent mortgage….

Take the job. What kind of partner would hold their significant other back just to have the same days off? The right girl will stay with you regardless and will make it work. You live together and will see each other everyday. You can still have date nights. She can even change her schedule to accommodate you. That’s what being in a relationship is supposed to be like.

Take the job you can book weekends off in the future, she may have been supportive but she is in some sort of way controlling, you may even be able to afford a nice holiday together, also once you’re out of your financial hole you may be able to get a different job that is a M-F you never know either way take the job do something for you 😁

NTA. It sounds like she has a savior complex and doesn’t wanna be with you of you’re not broken. Or she felt like you wouldn’t need her as much if you made more

Take the job. Are you on the mortgage? Are the utilities in your name? 

Weekends off are nice but with any proper planning yall can have time together. 

This woman is getting OP to pay all the day to day expenses and bills, as well as doing all the work around the house, from which OP will end up with zero. Whilst SHE pays the mortgage and has a house!!! OP take the job, leave the gf.

NTA. You have to think of your future. Passing on a job that pays this much more would be foolish. Also health and dental insurance isn’t a small thing. There are a lot of couples who don’t have the same days off, and they make it work.

Dude, go into a trade. Restaurants are hellish things with no future. Fabricators and welders and the like can get comp packages that are in the $150K range by thier second year. Go get your hands dirty.

Ps, I own a restaurant.

You’ve been depressed for awhile due to your financial situation. Apparently your GF would rather you stay in that state so she can spend time with you? Wouldn’t you like a GF who has your best interest at heart?
Take the job.

NTA – you need to make more now that you are young. It might be hard now, but in the long run it will add experience to your resume and you can take a different job with no weekends later. This isn’t a forever job.

My husband and I worked opposite shifts for years, we only saw each other on weekends, accept the job, work on paying down some debts, and keep an eye out for other jobs that could give you weekends off.

She is showing you her true character. She doesn’t isn’t you to succeed. She wants you unhappy and stressed, Believe her. Say goodbye and find someone who will love you and support you.

I worked weekends for 23 years. Always made more than my husband and I did miss a lot of family gatherings. But because of that job I have a great pension and financially stable.

NTA….take the job. You need the money. You can always keep looking.

As for your GF, she should want you to succeed. Instead she is choosing emotional blackmail.

Take the job

NTA. Take the job, do it for a year, two, three until you’re more financially stable, and then look for something M-F or get some education for a new trade while working.

You make dick for money and you should take this job. If your GF prefers you continue to struggle badly forever so she can be with you, then she’s for the streets anyway 

Look, nothing wrong about working on weekends, but that will kill your relationship. What’s the point of living with someone if you cannot enjoy your off time with them?

Hello job, goodbye sweetheart? Your gf is holding you back. She should be supporting you. As I hope you’d do for her if she were in the same financial situation you are.

When I was a young newlywed, my husband worked 7-3. He got home at 3:30. I left for work at 3:45, plus I worked Friday and Saturday nights. She needs to get a grip

You’re choosing yourself first. If you can’t take care of you, you won’t be able to take care of anyone else.