As he wrestles with the weight of renovation and the delicate dance of neighborly relations, he confronts the raw vulnerability of claiming a space that is truly his. Every decision, every action, is a test of character, a question of respect, and a search for belonging in a world where a simple fence can become a battleground for pride and peace.
I bought a house with a big ass yard several months ago, it is my very first house and the most expensive thing I have ever owned. Prior to this I have only ever lived in apartments, and the dynamic between neighbors seems really different, which is another reason I am asking.
When I moved here there was a very old rotten wooden fence on the property separation line between me and my new neighbors property. I wanted to replace it from the start however I decided to focus on the house first, you know the usual stuff, fixing up what needed “fixing upping”, painting, flooring, moving in the furniture and so on before focusing on the yard.
The guy who owned my house before was an old man, and because of his age, the yard had not seen much work done for what I assume were several years, so it has been a lot of work fixing up the yard.
About a month ago I finally got some time to replace the fence. I went over to the neighbors house, talked about replacing the fence and if he was going to split the cost with me, but he would have nothing of it.
He said the fence was fine and he has no issue with no fence, so if I want to remove it I should go ahead, but he was not giving me a dime to replace it.
It’s worth adding that the previous fence was completely on my property and purchased completely by the previous owner; the neighbor has no claim on it.
While I was a bit weirded out by his response, I decided to just finance the fence myself and install it myself. Being quite a few bucks and a lot of hard work lighter, I am now the proud owner of a nice, tall, wooden fence.
I need to point out just to make this clear, I paid for it entirely, I put it up by myself, I removed the old fence on my own, and the fence is entirely on my side of the property line.
I came home from work a few days ago to find my fence on the neighbors side entirely filled with plant pots, the border also filled in with all sorts of plants, and he had painted it.
I went over to my neighbor and demanded he take all of it down alongside demanding he’d get his sand grinder and take the paint of off my fence as well, after all, you don’t want to pay for it, you don’t get to paint it or hang shit on it, or for that matter plant stuff in my yard (as I said the fence is entirely on my property, so the border of his yard where he planted stuff is also mine).
He laughed at me and essentially told me to get fucked. Well, I went back there, tossed all his crap off my fence, pulled all of his plants out and tossed them in his yard, and painted the side towards his fence an obnoxious bright yellow.
I have since had him raging at my door, his kids came over to yell at me as they had worked for hours on it, and well, here we are, I am wondering whether I am the asshole as I might have gone too far.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) experienced a clear violation of property rights after investing significantly in a new fence, leading to an intense emotional reaction. The central conflict lies between the OP’s belief that ownership grants full control over their property improvements and the neighbor’s actions, which showed a disregard for the OP’s investment and space, escalating the situation through unilateral modification and verbal dismissal.
Was the OP justified in responding to the neighbor’s disregard for property boundaries by aggressively removing the items and defacing the fence, or did these actions cross the line into unreasonable retaliation? Should the OP have pursued legal or mediation channels instead of direct confrontation and property alteration?
Here’s how people reacted:
But honestly, you’re the one who got him involved in this in the first place and for the life of me I cannot fathom why. You asked him to contribute money to a fence that you openly admit is entirely on your property, to replace a fence that you say was erected and wholly owned by the previous owner of your land, and then were “weirded out” when he said no? Why? Why **would** he pay anything towards building a fence around **your** house on **your** property? It’s not his responsibility. It’s incredibly weird that you would even ask him for money to begin with. And by asking him to participate in something that had nothing whatsoever to do with him or his land, you literally are the one who suggested that it somehow was his business. And now you’re complaining that he got it into his head that this fence is his business . . . when you’re the one who gave him that idea. ESH.
Also if this by some slim chance is a true story (which I highly doubt since you magically erected a fence while simultaneously knowing nothing about one) here’s some genuine advice. Be careful when you say your land? If it was your land you should have taken it back and pushed back the boundary. He is using it for years and will be using it for years in the future since this fence is going to last a bit. This gives him a possibility to claim it by squatters rights. So he might be able to claim it if you do nothing about it.
You threw off plants on a fence bc they wouldn’t pay for it, but then clarify about 97 times that the fence is on your property?
You and the neighbor suck for basically the same reason. He didn’t want to pay but wanted to use. You noted the fence was entirely on your property but then asked him to pay. Unless it’s a shared fence exactly on the property line, why would he pay for it? You made it very clear it’s your fence so I honestly don’t understand the original ask.
Also, it sounds like he was making it nicer and you threw a full rager. How does him planting flowers on “his side of the fence” really damage anything?
Everyone applauding you on seems a little unhinged IMO. Also, for people saying to get the HOA involved, most have approved color schemes and bright yellow may not be in there.
Sounds like you just started some really bad blood with your neighbor over… flowers? So, congrats????
It sounds like you could have handled this much better. It’s possible he didn’t know where the property line was. And if he has always had plants there, it would be natural for him to put them back.
I understand you are frustrated by his not wanting to pay for a fence. This is a common neighbor disagreement. But, you don’t know his financial situation. Maybe he couldn’t afford it.
You’ve put a lot of work into your house. Do you want to have an ongoing feud with your next-door neighbor?
I think you owe him an apology for the way you handled things. Then you need to have an adult conversation with him about the fence going forward. And you should clearly mark your property boundaries. I’m not saying to give up your property rights or let him push you around. But reaching a workable compromise is in your best interests.
Make peace. You’ll be much happier in the long run.
He was obviously the AH with his behavior, and painting a fence he didn’t contribute to, etc. Much less all of them coming over to scream at you. Kind of juvenile behavior.
You’re an AH for escalating in an equally rude manner, trashing his plants and repainting. You should have either gotten the authorities involved for him damaging your property, or not approached him in the first place. It’s all on your property right?
Now you’ve escalated in equal degree a situation between two neighbors. You’ll be living with this dude for a long time, and it’s never a great idea to antagonize a neighbor. Just not smart. If you had contacted proper authorities before this, might have been able to get him to replace your fence that he damaged. But now…eh. ESH
Keep your stuff on your side.
>I went back there, tossed all his crap off off my fence, pulled all of his plants out and tossed them in his yard and painted the side towards his fence an obnoxious bright yellow.
>I have since had him raging at my door,
Think this works good.
NTA
In terms of fences, normally if it’s on your property you pay for it, if it’s on the line it is shareD. In the UK, or at least my street, everyone was responsible for the right-hand fence.
Get the appropriate authorities involved. If you live in an HOA, get them involved too. If the fence is entirely on your property, your neighbor trespassed on and vandalized your property. A restraining order on all of them would be a nice touch too, and prevent him from doing anything without punishment from the law.
You can’t see the other side of the fence.
Your neighbor is an asshole for not splitting the cost …and probably deliberately because he knew you would replace it even if he didn’t, but making an enemy of a neighbor is setting yourself up for misery.
I’m struggling to see what else you’re expecting. Usually fences are shared, even if they are technically on one person’s side. What else do you want them to do, just never go near one side of their garden?
First, the fence is on your property. Second, you paid for it yourself. Third, he put all the things on the fence and refused IN A RUDE WAY to take them away. What else could be done?