Despite their equal footing in life and career, the disparity in spending quietly gnawed at him, turning moments of togetherness into a source of anxiety and inner conflict. In a world where money often measures value, he faced the painful reality of feeling different in a circle that should have been a sanctuary of equality and acceptance.
I (30m) have a group of five friends from university who are around the same age as me. For the past two years, we’ve gone on vacation together—first to Mexico and then last year to Egypt.
We’ve always had a great time, and we get along well. However, when it comes to sharing costs, I find myself struggling. It’s not the group that has an issue; it’s me who has the problem.
To provide some context, we all met at university nine years ago and have been working for the last five years. Our university was ranked number one in the country at the time (though I no longer keep track of the rankings), and we all landed jobs just a month after graduation.
I mention this to illustrate that we are all financially secure; I know for a fact that each of us earns between €80,000 and €100,000 annually.
In terms of vacation costs, I typically spend around $3,000 for each trip, which is more than my friends spend since I’m more comfortable with spending. Additionally, I’m aware that the vacation money we receive amounts to at least double what any of them has spent on these trips.
So this is the problem I have: every night, they ask for a check, start checking off items for everyone, and then make that person pay exactly that amount. To me, that’s embarrassing: getting nasty looks from the waitress who doesn’t make in a day what these people make in an hour, waiting there for ten to fifteen minutes while they argue about who had what, and then starting to count bills and coins to pay.
I suggested we split the bill five ways, but they don’t want to do that. They have mentioned that I’m the only one who drinks alcohol and that it’s not fair if they have to pay extra for it.
We are talking about maybe two euros. I even offered to pay more, but they still refused because some are not big eaters and don’t think they should pay extra for others. It’s four vs one.
To make matters worse, they spent every night comparing Uber bills because, maybe I paid a couple of euros less for the ride…
So now they are planning a trip for this year, and it could be the last one as some of them want to start families, but I’m thinking of saying no, I can’t do this anymore. I enjoy our trips, but getting a pay request of three euros because I had a couple of glasses of rum someone else paid for at our hotel just messes with my mood.
But I’m also the only one who has a problem with this, and I want to ask if I’m the asshole or if this is just a really strange way to handle finances.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is experiencing significant discomfort and embarrassment due to the detailed, itemized method his friends use to split shared expenses during group vacations, despite acknowledging his own higher spending habits in other areas. The central conflict arises because the OP desires the simplicity of an equal split to avoid the meticulous accounting process, while the friends insist on precise cost separation, citing fairness regarding individual consumption like alcohol.
Is the OP’s desire for a simpler, slightly less accurate split a reasonable preference for maintaining social harmony, or are the friends justified in demanding strict individual accountability for every small expense, even among financially secure peers? The core debate is whether convenience should outweigh granular fairness in friendship dynamics.
Here’s how people reacted:
Once thing I would say is that its completely fine to take a bit of time splitting bills, totally normal and no ones cares. However, arguing about splitting bills is another story and that would make me cringe and ruin the vibes of the evening. If you can’t handle the former, just don’t do stuff with those friends that involve sorting out bills. Do free activities, meals in places you can get separate bills, hang out at each other’s houses and if you want to go on vacation together (though I doubt that’s a good idea), make it all inclusive.
If your is really with the latter i.e. arguing, I think you would be totally fine to bring it up with them because that’s really not cool. Sometimes mistakes happen with bills and things get added by mistake, so its reasonable to check the bill and figure out if it’s accurate, but that should be a calm discussion and most of the time would be quickly sorted out. Bickering about who ordered what or how much people ate/drank is just crass. If that is the real issue, and you would be fine with splitting things accurately if it was done quickly and easily, that could be accommodated without too much fuss, either everyone could keep track of their orders as they place them or someone could take responsibility for doing it for the table, its the same convo, just at the start rather than the end of the meal so its not holding anyone up and people should have a good idea of how much money they need to pay before the bill even comes.
If it brings them joy to crunch the numbers daily during their holiday, they can do that – on a dedicated spreadsheet. Which you get emailed at the end of the holiday.
If you’ve got good enough cashflow (or an interest free credit card), you could even get in the habit of just paying for stuff as you go along. (And if 5 people are paying by card, that’s surely 5 currency conversion charges – why not take it in turns, at least?).
Pay the bill at the end of dinner each night.
Also, take a photo of the menu with prices.
Let those who like to obsess go through the photo of the menu, and total up the individual costs. Try to see it as their way of enjoying themselves – which might be easier to do if it’s happening over a late night cocktail, or on a long bus journey to a tourist location, rather than in front of the waiter.
Also some people might deliberately choose a dish that is cheaper at a restaurants because they are minding their spending. If someone is vegetarian they would chronically be out of pocket in an equal split because vegetarian dishes are for the most part cheaper.
When I travel with friends we use Splitwise, people take turns paying, they record their payments and it’s all balances at the end of the trip.
It doesn’t sound like you’re against splitting things fairly; you just want a less nickel-and-dime approach. Maybe have an upfront chat with them before the trip… let them know you respect how they handle expenses, but the constant itemizing is killing the vibe for you.
If they’re not down to ease up a bit, then honestly, it might be better to skip this one. Vacations should be about enjoying yourself, not stressing over a couple bucks here and there. That doesn’t make you the a-hole, it’s just a different approach to handling group expenses.
If you’re on a group holiday like that why not use something like Splitwise so one person can pay the bill and split out shares afterwards and you can equally split Ubers and stuff between you, keeping a running total for the holiday and you can all settle up between you at the end without this daily back and forth. Any group trips I’ve done we’ve done this and there’s a clear tally of who owes what which makes it transparent with transferring money. I love it when I book the hotel or accom because then someone else might pick up dinner and it spreads things fairly
My bf and I went on vacation with a group of 8 and half of them wanted to always take the cheapest option (they wanted us to all share an AirBnB… with one bathroom! Hell nah) and weren’t open to trying some things because of cost.
Now, we’re not choosing extravagant activities but the US dollar was much stronger than the currency at the time. It’s not like they were below the poverty line either—they were making close to 6 figures each.
In the end, they ended being a bunch of wet blankets and it really put a damper on the vacation since we all wanted to do group things together.
Never again.
And “splitting the bill” is not the solution if OP keeps drinking alcohol, which is generally one of the most expensive items.
Splitting the bill evenly when everyone ordered around the same amount, but it’s always the one who eats the most and drinks the most who thinks an even split is fair.
I’m little so I don’t eat a lot, I also don’t drink, why should I pay for someone else’s meal?
I would suggest doing the following:
1. All pay the same amount to a book keeper
2. Book keepers pays for everything. Take pictures of the menu card and note down what people order.
3. After the vacation: calculate who gets money back or who have to pay more
Could also be done each day.
One of the people who are very keen on keeping it correct is going to be the book keeper.
Restaurants here keep separate tabs, and it’s a surprise if the group wants it as one bill.
Perhaps you could suggest a group fund, each put 100 euros or whatever into it, use it to pay for group expenses like transportation. Then split whatever is left over.
That is…. if you want to go!
Also, etiquette usually dictates that, *even if someone picks up your dinner tab,* you should still pay for your own drinks if you order any.
The Uber bill seems like an easy thing to split evenly among the occupants, though.
This means the splitting isnt holding up the waitress or getting embarrassing for you but you still all only pay your share
Just ask for a separate bill for yourself and keep a coin purse with small bills and loose change for communal expenses. A good friendship is too precious to waste over small things.
I’d choose to not go.
Your friends do sound tiring though. NTA