Caught between his own perspective and the judgment of those closest to him, he stands firm, refusing to surrender a small sanctuary to definitions and labels he does not accept. The confrontation is more than about the drink—it’s a struggle for respect, autonomy, and the right to find calm on his own terms, even if it means drinking at dawn.
I will preface this, I am not an alcoholic nor do I belive I have a drinking problem. There are no children involved here.
I work shifts. My working week will end with 2 or 3 overnight shifts (1800 to 0600).
After my last shift for the week I like to have a beer/whisky or 2 and chill on the couch watching crap on YouTube for an hour before bed. This just happens to be at about 7am. Other than that I will drink perhaps once more on my days off.
My partner gets up for work at 7am and regularly will complain about me drinking in the morning. I don’t see an issue with it.
Couple of days back she staged an “intervention” with her friends and some of my family to get me to stop drinking and really focused on my drinks in the morning. Calling me an alcoholic and saying I have a problem.
I said it’s no different to her having a drink after work on a Friday with her colleagues. She thinks somehow it’s different because of the time. I disagree. I have refused to stop drinking at 7am.
My partner, her family and friends have called me an asshole and all sorts of names over this as I don’t see her point of view.
Am I the asshole for not stopping drinking?
Quick edit as my drinking habits keep getting asked. Usually drink 1 or 2 occasions a week. Max drinks would be 5 drinks per week barring a party or celebration of sorts, which isn’t often.
I have never previously been an alcoholic or had a substance problem. I drank more in my early 20s but have calmed down over the last 10 years. Never had a DUI nor driven after drinking.
Never missed an event because I was drunk. Never missed work as a result of drinking or drunk before work.
When I drink I drink standard sized drinks. 330ml of beer or 50ml of whisky.
I like to drink after my last shift as it relaxes me and turns my mind off. Like easing me in to my weekend.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) feels strongly that their limited, post-shift morning drink is a harmless personal choice used for relaxation after demanding work hours. Their partner, however, views this behavior as problematic, leading to a significant conflict where the partner escalated the situation by organizing an intervention involving friends and family.
Is the OP an asshole for refusing to change a low-frequency, personal habit based solely on the time of day it occurs, or is the partner justified in demanding this specific behavior stop due to the perceived social message or precedent it sets?
Here’s how people reacted:
I mean, it’s possible that you’re a light drinker with a different sleep cycle and maybe your SO is overreacting. Maybe she did not grow up around alcohol, or maybe she grew up around too much, and so she’s extra sensitive and sees normal drinking as a problem.
It’s also possible that OP is an unreliable narrator. I’ve seen people who had a BAC so high they should be comatose swear they just had one beer, and people whose definition of “one or two drinks” is one or two bottles of wine. Something a doctor told me once is to double the amount someone tells you they’re drinking. I don’t know if that’s true or helpful, but I do know that when asking people with substance abuse issues about substance abuse, the answers are like….5% accurate.
Next time she sits down and has a beer after work, harass her for it. Complain how you think she has a problem and you shouldn’t have to see that first thing after waking up, what is she, an alcoholic? Your day just started and you’re very concerned. She needs to drink much later in the day etc. hopefully by the second sentence she will be completely sheepish and apologize. Worked for my friend with the exact same issue!
edit: NTA as I didn’t provide a judgement beforehand.
Shit didn’t realise that I had such a wrong opinion, sorry AITA, I won’t disturb your hive from now on.
You need better friends if they are staging an intervention for one or two drinks at the ‘wrong time of day’. Do you also need an intervention for your 3am coffee?
But you could offer to not have the weekend drink once and a while to show her (and by extension the rest of the family) that you aren’t an alcoholic and that you are able to forego the drink if and when you choose to. Bonus depending on your drink of choice this can help reset your pallette and make the experience even more enjoyable.
Your partner, her family, and friends are all in the wrong. I am assuming that the family and friends haven’t heard the full story though, only your partners side of things.
There is a really clear failure in logic if people can’t understand that you are having a few drinks at the end of your workweek and before you go to bed. That’s it. Doesn’t matter that for you it happens to be 7am. It’s still completely normal.
We can’t judge this. We just don’t know.
You had me with the title, not gonna lie, but you’re having after-work drinks just like a normal person. The only difference is your after-work is at dawn where normal people are in the evening.
Night shifts turn everything around and upside down. I don’t see the difference between what you’re doing and first shifters having a drink at 5pm. Your days and nights are backwards. That’s all.
Ask her if she’d prefer you got fired for drinking on the job, considering those are the hours she considers drinking hours…
It’s no different than wanting a proper dinner meal at that time.