Now, standing on the edge of a new beginning with someone who feels like a dream realized, he faces the daunting challenge of confronting his past in the same room where old wounds might reopen. The presence of his ex at a gathering threatens to stir dormant emotions, testing the strength of his newfound happiness and the resilience of his heart.
My ex (24f) and I (24m) dated 5 years ago. We were together for about a year, but then she dumped me out of no where for another guy and broke my heart. She and I shared the same circle of friends so I continued to be cordial with her for the sake of our friend group, and we remained friends until we graduated and I distanced her out of my life and no longer speak to her.
I’m still close with my friend group, but they have drifted from her over the past year. I’ll still see her sometimes when we have hang outs with the larger group, but I no longer speak to her and we just avoid each other.
This past weekend my friend had a pre-game/party for his birthday and she was invited along with our other friends. I have a new girlfriend (23f) that I have been dating for a few months (she is absolutely amazing, drop dead gorgeous, kind hearted, thoughtful, etc.
I never thought I could feel this way about someone). I invited her too, and she knew my ex would be there but was okay with it.
At the pre-game, my ex had a couple shots, was maybe tipsy. She came up to me and my girlfriend and started talking to us normally. I was kind of confused as to why, but just went with it.
She then says to my girlfriend, “Hey did you know me and Ilovepotatoes22 used to date back in the day?” to which she says, “Yes, I’m aware”. Ex gf smirks very subtly and under her breath says, “Yup and he sure downgraded” while looking me dead in the eye.
My gf said “Wow, I’m not interested dealing with this, excuse me” and excused herself to go talk to some of my other friends. I was angry, I truly don’t believe I “downgraded” as my current gf is the most beautiful girl in the world to me, and in my eyes I do find her more attractive than my ex.
I told my ex “I’m not sure what you’re on right now, but gf is definitely an upgrade in every aspect possible so do not get that twisted. Let’s just do what we should have done 5 years ago and never speak another word to each other again”.
She went to the bathroom crying and my friends over the past few days have been telling me that she told them I called her uglier than my current gf. I told my friends what actually happened and they understand but they told me I could have been a little bit less harsh.
Ex gf is apparently really depressed and has been telling my friends that she doesn’t want to come to any of the hang outs anymore. Am I the asshole?
Conclusion
The Original Poster (OP) experienced a difficult situation where his ex-girlfriend made a public, insulting comment about his current partner shortly after an unrelated interaction. The OP responded strongly, defending his new relationship and severing future contact, which led to the ex-girlfriend becoming distressed and withdrawing from the friend group.
Was the OP justified in his sharp, immediate defense of his current partner against a direct insult, or did his reaction unnecessarily escalate the conflict given their shared social circle and the ex-girlfriend’s subsequent emotional withdrawal? The core debate lies between defending one’s relationship status firmly versus maintaining civility to preserve group dynamics.
Here’s how people reacted:
She insulted your GF’s looks to her face. You threw it right back at her. However, since you and your GF didn’t meltdown like your ex did, they seem to taking the view that what you did was worse since she cried and bitched to all of your friends about it while you and your current GF handled it fine. Obviously what you did was worse right? /s Part of the “upgrade” you speak of is that your GF handled it perfectly by disengaging, while your ex is a bitch who slings shit but can’t take shit. Not just an upgrade in looks, but in personality too.
So yeah, NTA at all. If you hadn’t defended your GF and said something back to her like that I’d be calling you the asshole for not standing up for your current GF. Good job dude.
She dumped you, then rubs it in your face 5 years later. That is manipulative for like, no reason. I would argue that probably, the most *loving* thing you could have done for your ex-gf was to call her out for that behavior. Her little feelings stopped being relevant when she picked the fight.
As well – you’re dating your gf. It’s your job to defend her.
Neither depression nor alcohol are excuses for being rude and what she said was *very* rude.
You didn’t have to reply. But your reply is extremely understandable and I think you actually handled it well if that’s how you actually said it.
Because I probably would have said something very hurtful if my ex bullied my new partner like that. Don’t talk shit to my partner.
“If one slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek, also.”
There is no need to turn one bad action into two. Just move on, take the high road.
Really impressed by your current girlfriend for excusing herself from the awkward situation rather than engaging in pettiness.
Could you have just brushed her off? Probably. But not doing so doesn’t make you the asshole.
> Ex gf smirks very subtly and under her breath says, “Yup and he sure downgraded” while looking me dead in the eye.
She said that in front of you and your current GF? Unless you’re just giving us the PG version of your response, nah that’s pretty tame.
She deliberately tried to hurt your current girlfriend to make herself feel better and you told her the truth while sticking up for your girlfriend. If your ex cant handle things like that she shouldn’t be making similar comments about other girls.
She stepped up (out of nowhere if you’re telling us everything), and then stepped ON your current gf. Then she got checked. If you let this continue you’re both at fault, but right now? One and done? Nuh uh. That’s on her.
P.S. from the sound of it, you really did upgrade.