Surrounded by indifference and misunderstanding, her husband retreats into his own exhaustion, leaving her to face the nights in solitude. Meanwhile, her mother-in-law’s presence adds tension rather than support, turning the home into a battlefield of silent resentments. In this fragile moment, she grapples not just with motherhood, but with the aching loneliness that threatens to consume her.
I feel like I’m drowning, but maybe I’m the one at fault for expecting too much. I’m 27F and a first-time mom to a 7-week-old baby girl Daisy. She’s beautiful, but she cries all the time.
The doctors call it colic, but it feels like I must be doing something wrong. Isn’t a mother supposed to be able to comfort her child? I can’t even manage that.
The past few weeks have been a blur of pain, exhaustion, and failure. My C-section scar still throbs when I move too much, and sleep is a distant memory. I don’t remember the last time I slept more than two hours in a row.
My husband, Mark (31M), tells me I’m overreacting. He works long hours and says he needs his rest, so I do the nights alone. Every feeding, every diaper change, every midnight sobbing session (both hers and mine)—it’s all me.
Then there’s my MIL, Susan. She moved in three weeks ago after a fight with my FIL. She has taken over the living room, refuses to help with the baby because “that’s your job,” and makes passive-aggressive comments about how I’m not keeping the house clean enough.
I thought it would be temporary, but she shows no sign of leaving. She has been treating me like a live-in maid. She doesn’t cook for herself or for anyone else. Instead, she’ll drop hints like, “It’d be nice if there were some tea,” while I’m juggling a screaming baby.
Yesterday, she had friends over for “book club,” and they spent the afternoon laughing loudly and commenting on how messy the house was.
I wanted to scream. Instead, I hid in the nursery and cried.
And the dog—God, our dog got sick. He’s been vomiting everywhere for days. Mark refuses to help because it was “my idea” to get a dog in the first place. Between cleaning up after him, trying to soothe a baby who won’t stop crying, and keeping the house somewhat livable, I feel like I’m losing my mind.
The worst was last week when I got mastitis. My fever hit 102°F, and I could barely stand, let alone take care of the baby. I begged Mark to take a day off to help, but he said work was too busy.
That night, he ordered takeout for himself, ate in the living room with Susan, and didn’t even ask if I wanted anything.
Yesterday, everything came to a head. The baby was screaming, the laundry machine broke mid-cycle, the dog threw up on the couch, and Susan decided to host another “book club” without asking me.
I hadn’t eaten all day, and I was shaking from exhaustion. I begged Mark to ask his mom to leave or at least help me get through the day. He looked at me like I was crazy and said, “You’re the one on maternity leave.
What else do you have to do?”
I don’t remember what I said back, but it doesn’t matter. He stormed out, leaving me with the mess, the baby, and Susan glaring at me like I was the problem. Later, she told me I was a bad wife for upsetting him and that I should be grateful he works so hard for us.
I feel like I’m failing—at being a mom, a wife, a person. Maybe they’re right. Maybe I’m selfish for expecting help. Maybe I’m a bad mother because I can’t stop my baby from crying.
Maybe this is all my fault. I don’t know anymore. AITAH?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is experiencing extreme physical and emotional distress due to the overwhelming demands of caring for a newborn with colic, managing a difficult recovery from surgery, and coping with the unsupportive behavior of her husband and the intrusive presence of her mother-in-law. Her central conflict lies in the deeply ingrained societal belief that she, as the mother, should handle nearly all domestic and childcare burdens alone, contrasting sharply with her clear need for immediate support and rest.
Considering the OP’s severe exhaustion and the lack of shared responsibility, is it justifiable for her to demand immediate, concrete changes in household support from her husband, even if it risks further conflict with him and her mother-in-law, or should she prioritize maintaining temporary peace despite her own well-being?
Here’s how people reacted:
Really. You need to take care of yourself. Mil can shuffle her passive aggressive remarks where the sun doesn’t shine. Husband has proven to be able to take good care of himself, now you do the same.
Can you drive? Do you have friends, family that can take care of you and your baby girl? Who will Let you take a shower and sleep for a night? Go there. You need them. Your baby needs them.
After a couple of days being taken care of, it’s time for the husband to choose. Have a household with his mammy. Or be a dad. That means taking care of baby and mam. If he chooses the latter, than uphold him to that decision. As soon as he lets it slip, walk away to the caring people.
You’ve got this. Every new born house that doesn’t have a cleaning person (husband, mil, fil, your own parents or a good friend) is a mess. Your baby is in pain and all it needs is you. So you take care of her and yourself.
Single moms spend, on average, seven hours LESS on housework each week than married straight moms.
And that isn’t taking into account babysitting a mother-in-law full-time, which has to be, like, an extra twenty hours a week of extra chores per your description.
Take your baby and leave, if possible. I know not everyone has family or friends that will take them in, especially with a colicky baby. (Side note: the doctors have diagnosed your baby with colic. YOU ARE DOING NOTHING WRONG. You are doing the best you can). Even if you can’t leave, you need to talk to a divorce attorney immediately. They will be able to counsel you about hope you can maintain residence inn your home while evicting the leech and her manchild.
There is so. much. peace awaiting you of you extricate yourself from this shitshow, and Daisy deserves to grow up not seeing her mom accepting being treated like live-in servants. She’s going to model her idea of normalcy on what she sees at home. You wouldn’t want this for her, right? You deserve better as much as she does.
Okay so the MIL first.
MIL: “It would be nice if there were some tea”
You: “It really would, thanks for offering to make some!”
If she implies that it’s your job tell her “no my job is the baby, remember? You’re an adult woman, you can cook for yourself, make yourself tea and otherwise function as an independent adult. Speaking of which, when are you moving out? I’m not comfortable living with you indefinitely or supporting you. I expect you to be out of my home within 3 months. And your book club has to meet elsewhere from now on, they’re too disruptive to my schedule and the baby’s. I won’t let them in next time if they show up. And if you let them in, I’ll tell them to leave, and if they dont, I’ll call the cops to remove them. I’m done letting you walk all over me. If “partner” has a problem with any of that, we can talk about divorcing, but I am no longer putting up with this”.
What did you expect motherhood would look like?
My mother was a SAHM. My dad was 23 and my mom 21 when they married. She had me when she was 22 and my brother a year and a half later. Then my sister came along four years after my brother. My mother kept the house clean, cooked all the meals and rode herd over the three of us.
My father worked long hours leaving the house before we got up and rarely getting home before 7-8 pm. We ate a late dinner just to spend that little bit of time with him.
Then, we were off to bed. Both my mom and dad came in to tuck her us and kiss us goodnight.
That was our routine for all of my childhood.
Were there times when they were both exhausted? No doubt.
They both worked hard, and I never heard either of them complain about the life they chose.
You have ONE child. Heaven help you if decide to have another.
Of course your husband needs rest, but SO DO YOU! There HAS to be some give take. If you love someone, you help them when needed. If he isn’t helping and doesn’t have some compassion, he doesn’t really love you. He loves himself the most.
I hope that you find help and support in your community. Reach out to friends, family, or local support groups. You are NOT failing at anything.
You ARE surviving in a tough situation.
Express /pump some milk and add a teaspoon of baby rice cereal in the bottle and feed the baby.
It’s a pediatricians remedy for colic.
If you have a girlfriend /sister or your mom close by, ask them to come through for one afternoon and help with the baby.
So you can take along shower, take a nap, order some doordash and eat your favorite meal.
Google a local house cleaning service and book them to come and do a deep clean, call the vet and ask them to send their mobile team to come and get the sick dog for treatment.
Locking yourself in the nursery and crying is not going to help at all.
You are going to have a mental health crisis.
You need to get out of that house and away from those people. NOW. Today. Stop with the self-deprecation. Stop with the begging. YOU NEED TO BE MAD. You need to be furious. I know exhaustion makes it hard to think but find your spine in all of that exhaustion and go after those ingrates with both gun barrels blazing.
Grandmas are supposed to help. Sheesh! NTA.
PS: By us, we have an agency we can call, and they’ll send over someone to help new mothers get sat up and in a sane routine. It’s local, I think. We also had a nurse provided by our insurance company for one of our kids–not a long visit , but helped set expectations and get everyone on the same page. Maybe you have similar.
You don’t mention your own friends or family so it sounds like you don’t have a support network to help you.
If I were in your place I would walk into a church or a pregnancy care center and ask for help. My church is crawling with older empty nesters that would be happy to cuddle the cranky one while you take a nap.
Go find your tribe.
Do you have family or friends you can stay with for a while?
Yes indeed you are an Arsehole!! TO. YOUR. SELF.
Kick that bitch out and tell your Arsehole husband to help out or get out too.
As for your child STOP beating yourself up, they don’t come with instructions. And I have no doubt you’re doing better than you think.
Your husband’s behavior is atrocious and I’d be hard pressed to forgive him if I were in your shoes. As for your mil, don’t hesitate for one second to tell her that you aren’t doing anything for her and that she needs to either be a good guest or have a date set for her departure.
Heck if you are in the Netherlands dm me and I ll come get you.
This is not okay, call your doctor and talk to him about your concerns for your baby and yourself, cry loudly if you have to and make him write a note for your husband
Put n some slashed truck tires and it is all set to go!
Newborns are an all hands on deck job. It sucks. Sucks more that his mm is there and being a baby all her own, nobody needs that, just damn.
Wishing you better days – and a nap!
NTA
You are struggling and your less than useless husband and your total c*nt of a MIL are turning you into a married single mother. NTA. Don’t breed with him again though. Try to see if you can make the dog puke on both of them.
RUN. FAST AND FAR.
These posts are so triggering. I lived that life, OP.
IT DID NOT GET BETTER.
Get out of this toxic relationship.
I mean, you’re already a single parent.
As for the colic, I may have some recommendations that might help. Feel free to DM me.
I’m so so sorry you have to go through this but I’d leave or throw both of them out.
NTA
NTA, but you have to get out of there.
Can’t believe anyone could be such shits
You are not the AH
Rage bait
Divorce the husband. ASAP