This year, the user is attempting to recreate these recipes while simultaneously managing college, a job, and a side hustle, all while dealing with significant grief and exhaustion. When a neighbor unexpectedly inquired about receiving the traditional peanut brittle, the user reacted poorly after realizing the neighbor seemed unaware or insensitive to the recent death, leading to a tense encounter and subsequent self-doubt about his reaction.
Hello, this is an odd situation for me, where I just really don’t know If I was being to much of a AH, but I’m just tired, and let me tell you why.
I’m a 20 Year Old Guy, and I still live with my Dad at his house, my mom was in a lengthy battle with Breast Cancer, and she passed during August. It wrecked me on so many levels, that I was not prepared for, on top of losing my hero, I felt like I should stay with my Dad to be here with him, and support him.
One of those things is keeping up with traditions, and recipes passed down from my mom. And it’s been really hard for holidays to even capture a fraction of the spirit of when my Mom would do Holidays, as she was the backbone of setting stuff up, preparing food, and decorating.
But this is where we run into a problem.
My mom when she was alive, she would make Peanut Brittle, some fudge, and double chocolate crinkled cookies, and she would make like up to 30 batches of them, to put in containers and hand them out to family, to friends, to me and my siblings co-workers, and of course the neighbors.
This is my first real year of making all these sweets by myself, and I’m really not committed to doing all of this baking, when I’m in college, as well as balancing a job, and a side Hussle I have to make more money.
I’m just to damn sad, with the grieving, and to tired from school and work to do loads of batches. In fact that the only reason I’m making these sweets, is because their yummy I cannot lie, and I know my dad would appreciate them.
I just started to attempt to make them, I only have made 2 small test batches, and they we’re good, not as good as my mom’s but this is where my neighbor knocks on my door. I answer, expecting like a Christmas Card, and she said “Hi, I was wondering if you had got any of the peanut brittle done?” So I explain like, “Ah yeah I’m trying to perfect the recipe, but I don’t know If I can send them out this year” and she then she asked “Oh (Moms Name) is really slacking behind this year” and at this point I’m thinking to myself, does she not know my mom passed away and then I’m thinking we told her the news of it spreading and her being to tired to do any like neighborhood walking around the block with her friends.
So I’m like dumbfounded that she can’t put 2 and 2 together that she ISN’T ABLE TO MAKE Peanut Brittle. So I tell her she passed away in August, and she just looks at me like with a surprised expression.
She said with like almost a confused tone. “So you’re not making Peanut Brittle at all how about tomorrow?” I at that point close the door and I’m kind of just hand in a fist, because, I’m about to breakdown in an ugly cry, and other bad emotions.
My dad finally comes out of his room, and ask who it was, was it a package, and I tell him neighbor wanting peanut brittle. And he looked confused, and he told me, “you haven’t even figured out the right temperature yet” in like a joking way but right as he says that, my neighbor text him, saying that I was being a snark to her so I tell him the full story, he get’s teary eyed because we are still grieving my mom.
And he was like “More lighter than usual peanut brittle for us”
So AITAH? I feel like I could’ve been worse, by either yelling or just flat out crying, but me closing the door in a fast manner was all I can really think to do. I didn’t mean to upset her, I’m thinking all this stuff maybe she didn’t know and is processing it, but she knew my mom was barely able to walk 100-200 feet and always tired.
So I’m just like yeah don’t know.
Conclusion
The user is currently in a highly vulnerable emotional state, balancing the heavy burden of grief with significant academic and professional responsibilities. His reaction stemmed from the shock of a seemingly trivial request ignoring the recent, devastating loss of his mother, who was the sole provider of these traditions.
The central conflict lies between the expectation of maintaining a long-standing neighborhood tradition versus the reality of the user’s current emotional and logistical capacity following a major life tragedy. The core question is whether the user’s abrupt closing of the door, prompted by emotional overload, was an unreasonable response to the neighbor’s apparent insensitivity, or if the neighbor’s actions were excusable due to a genuine lack of awareness.
Here’s how people reacted:
As for this situation, **you’re definitely NTA**. She was insensitive, out of line and completely lacking any compassion. I would have closed the door on her face the moment she said your mom was slacking but to not even bother offering condolences after you said she passed away…human trash. The only way out of that is maybe if your mom had put cocaine in her brittle and turned her into some peanut brittleaine addict.
An aside on baking tips:
1. when making larger quantities, it’s not always about doubling a recipe to meet X amount. Getting the right amount of baking soda and/or powder in (if your recipe calls for it) proportional to the other ingredients is key. So if your mom was used to making large amounts, she likely had it down to a T, you may wish to hunt for a recipe book in your kitchen.
2. If you like a good thick brownie, try dropping the pan (dont do this with glass pan and definitely not from high up) with the batter in it repeatedly on your counter to force air bubbles to the surface before putting it in the oven.
3. I’m still pretty hopeless at cookies myself so honestly wishing you the best in this trying time buddy
What i did get was dozens of cookies from our neighbors. That is the response this woman should have had. Choosing beggars deserve to be shut down. Never give her peanut brittle again, and don’t hesitate to tell her why.
Back up all your mom’s recipes somewhere. 21 years on, I still name my mom’s chili when I miss her.
I’m sorry for your loss, op. People say really dumb insensitive things around death. It’s a remarkable phenomenon. Remember the neighbors who respect your mom’s memory. I wish you peace
You are NTA at all! But your neighbor is a huge one! Please enjoy making those special holiday treats for you and your father in memory of your mother. Sounds like she was a fabulous lady. Do not share any with the neighbor. Sorry for your loss.
You didn’t yell or get nasty—you just closed the door, which was honestly the most mature thing to do in that moment. You’re not a brittle factory, you’re a human dealing with a lot. Take care of yourself and your dad, and don’t let anyone guilt-trip you into thinking you owe them baked goods or emotional labor. Keep being kind to yourself—you deserve it. 💛
Maybe your mind is too filled with grief to see the truth of the matter, but your neighbour isn’t even just an AH. **This was absolutely GROTESQUE behaviour, my friend.**
Even if your home was joyful with all family present, no one is owed peanut brittle. The knock for it, even in that kind of environment, is inappropriate. Her callous attitude to hearing what you and your father are going through is outrageous.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you can put this Neanderthal out of your mind and get back to the business of honouring your mother.
Good luck to you both. 🖤
Okay if you’re going to say ‘oh this neighbor is clearly neurodivergent’ I wish you moths in all your woollens because no. And I know there’s gonna be someone (because it’s Reddit) saying that the woman doesn’t understand because she’s neurodivergent. Neurodivergence does not give anyone carte blanche to be a douche and tattle to your dad. I said what I said.
You sound like a wonderful young man. I’m sure your mum would be so proud of her son looking after his dad at this very emotional time. You’re a real credit to your parents.
I’d say this year only make enough peanut brittle & cookies for you and your dad to enjoy.
I hope you and your dad manage to find some peace and comfort with all your combined memories of your wonderful mum. Xx
NTA. I hope you’ll find someday that the world is built on fractions.
You handled the situation correctly. If I didn’t know there really are people like your neighbor around in the world I wouldn’t believe your story.
You are absolutely NTA when it comes to the neighbor. She obviously has no working brain cells or empathy. I’m struggling not to call her every vile thing that I can, so I’ll leave it at that.
My mother died decades ago. I remember the first Christmas we were all trying to figure out her recipe for cornbread dressing. We argued, laughed, cried, and finally found her recipe on an index card in the back of a cookbook. It was okay but still missing something. We decided it was missing her love of cooking for her family.
Even if you do perfect the peanut brittle, if I were you I would rather scatter it to the four winds than give it to someone so callous.
Just make some for your immediate to family if thAt would make you happy.
As for anyone else just say “I’m sorry but that was my mother’s hobby/tradition. And I have neither the time, money, or cooking skills to pick it up.”
You don’t owe anyone to continue her thing.
She sounds like she’s entitled and frankly, ignorant about the fact your mom passed.
Give your dad a huge hug, cause he tossed out the most Dad type jokey responses about your baking!
As a dad, that would’ve been my response to lighten the mood.
>I’m just to damn sad
I’m just too damn sad.
>and to tired
And too tired
>is because their yummy
Is because they’re yummy
Sorry, after the in college comment I couldn’t help pointing these out.
Focus on you and your dad, don’t worry about anything else.
Shutting the door in her face was entirely appropriate.
I vote zero brittle for this entitled, self-centered, rude neighbor, no matter how much brittle you make.
Don’t give her *any* brittle. I don’t care how much you end up making, only give it to those who have shown you love during this horrible time.
Your neighbor needs to be put on a “NO DELIVERY” list permanently. NTA but she sure is.
I’m very, very sorry for your loss.
She’s not a good neighbor if she hasn’t noticed your mom is gone. Sorry, but fuck this lady. Kudos for not punching her.
NTA