Despite the scars left by nineteen foster homes and countless goodbyes, he has known love in its purest form through one extraordinary woman who saw beyond the surface. Her unwavering belief in him kindled a spark of self-worth and resilience, inspiring him to embrace his true self. This story is not just about survival, but about the unbreakable spirit of a boy determined to find family, love, and a place to finally call home.
I’m 15m and I have been in foster care since I was born. From what I’m told, my mom was real young and her parents made her give me up for “adoption” which realistically turned into me bouncing around foster homes my entire life.
My mom wrote me a letter that I’m surprised was even given to me, explaining everything. She basically said that I was the most beautiful thing she ever laid eyes on and that she is sorry that she couldnt keep me, as her parents wouldnt allow it and that she hopes I search for her some day.
Which I plan to. Her parents can go fuck themselves though because they’ll never be family after putting me through this.
In 15yrs I have been in 3 orphanages and 19 foster homes. Most families give me up after receiving their first state paycheck, but few have held onto me for a few months. My last foster mom was perfect.
She loved me. Like, actually loved me. Not the fake bs that normal families spew. She did everything she could possibly do to bring out the real me and she truly, truly cared. Unfortunately my beloved foster mom passed away 3 months ago from terminal cancer that I wasn’t aware she had.
She included me in her will, where I recieved $50k in a trust fund that I cant touch until I’m 18 and $8k of just “play cash” that I can use now.
My new foster parents arent that great. I was dropped off on their doorstep the day after my foster mom died without so much as an introduction. They showed me around the house and then just left me to my own devices and that is how it’s been since I’ve been here.
They dont speak to me. They basically ignore my existence. Now I’m not sure if my case worker told them about the money I had been given because lately my foster mom has been dropping little comments like “I really need this surgery, how can I afford it?” She isnt speaking directly to me but it seems like it occurs every single time I walk in the room.
So I’m assuming my case worker blabbed. Mind you, she literally does not have conversations with me so I dont even know what the surgery is for and admittedly I dont care.
The reason I feel like an AH is because I have this money and could help her out with the surgery where she is technically helping me out by putting a roof over my head. But at the same time, I know this home will be short lived as well and in a few years I will be 18 and forget these people exist, much like they do with me now.
AND I know they already get $750 a month just to have me here. AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP), a teenager in foster care, feels conflicted about his financial inheritance in the context of a newly established, yet clearly distant, foster placement. He recognizes the transactional nature of the foster relationship, where he provides minimal emotional investment because he expects to leave soon, yet he is grappling with the moral obligation to assist his current foster mother who is subtly hinting at needing money for a surgery.
The central question is whether the OP is obligated to use his personal funds to help his current foster mother with a medical expense, given that she is already receiving state funds for his care and is not providing genuine emotional support. Should he prioritize self-preservation and future planning, or is there a duty to assist someone who provides basic shelter, even if the relationship is purely functional?
Here’s how people reacted:
From what I understand, foster kids don’t really get a lot of help once they age out of the system. Once you turn 18, officialdom basically just cuts you loose, right?
If so, that money gives you a serious head start – and much-needed financial cushion. If you’re smart (and you sound like you are) you’ll hang on to as much of it as possible for as long as possible. Go to college, maybe. Get a good, high-paying job, find your bio-mom, and…idk, take her on vacay to Paris.
But don’t let this latest set of losers get it. Any so-called ‘parents’ who would try to guilt-trip their own kid for money, foster or not, don’t deserve one penny.
Don’t feel guilty, your foster mum loved YOU. she gave you that for YOU not these people who are just like all the other foster parents you’ve had. These people are adults, and they can do what adults do and sort out their problems themselves, rather than trying to subtly manipulate you, the kid they’re meant to care for. Foster parents like that make me sick
Best of luck for your future bud, you seem like a great person, it says a lot that you’re even considering helping these people when by the sounds of it they’ve done little more than house and feed you. Your foster mum would be proud of you wanting to help these people, but I’m sure she’d also say what I’m sure you’ll hear from this thread : KEEP THAT CASH
[https://howtoadult.com/foster-parents-financial-assistance-5172.html](https://howtoadult.com/foster-parents-financial-assistance-5172.html)
Talk to your case worker about the percentages and let them know how your current and previous fosters missed the mark. Tell them that you expect better care in the future.
[https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/cw\_grievance.pdf#page=2&view=What%20are%20some%20common%20grievances](https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/cw_grievance.pdf#page=2&view=What%20are%20some%20common%20grievances)?
I don’t know how much this can help you. But you deserve better. I wish you well.
50k may seem like a lot, but if you used it to go to college, it would only cover all 4 years if you chose an in state school, and lived frugally.
That 8k would help.
>they already get $750 a month just to have me here
That’s NOT their ~paycheck~, either.
It’s supposed to be used to provide for you – the cost of keeping an extra bedroom, higher utilities, etc – AND any clothes, toiletries, school supplies, etc that you need.
You shouldn’t have to spend even that 8k on *anything*.
If they’re making you uncomfortable and claiming they can’t afford basic expenses – or their OWN medical expenses, tell your worker.
If your worker won’t help you, search this link for legal aid in your state.
https://www.childwelfare.gov/nfcad/
Source – former foster parent.
Very sorry for your situation. That money is yours for you. Your wonderful foster mom wanted to make sure you had a good start at adulthood, please don’t think that this is money for anyone else but you.
You can use it to start college, to start a business, to get your own place.
Remember, that as soon as your 18 you’re no longer in “the system” and you will have to fend for yourself. That money is your seed money, use it wisely.
The $8K that is just cash for now. I hope you have it in the bank in an account that no one but you have access to it.
Hugs
You can be grateful to the current family hosting you, but let the state take care of financially compensating them for the assistance.
Best of luck man!
They’re using you for money, and not even _trying_ to give you a proper home. Don’t give them your own funds on top of that.