As the clock ticked past midnight, desperation took hold. With her family rallying beside her, she scoured empty parking lots and cold hospital halls, haunted by the terrifying possibility that he had vanished without a trace, swallowed by the dark unknown.
My (30F) fiancé (33M) went out on Saturday night to the store for a couple things he needed (I.e. deodorant) around 10pm while I stayed home with our kid (2F). He told me he was making a quick run to the store and would be right back.
He borrowed my car and left and I thought nothing of it. Fast forward to midnight and he’s still not back. I sent him texts and called but he didn’t answer. At 1am I got really worried and called my mom to come help me search for him while I had my sister look after our kid.
My mom and I drove around for hours searching the parking lots of the stores, the gym and the downtown bars then I called 3 local hospitals to see if he had been admitted then called the police to see if he’d been arrested but we couldn’t find him anywhere.
At this point I’m really starting to freak out because it seems like he’s just disappeared, it’s dark out and what if he got into an accident and no one saw or has found his car yet?
I keep trying to message him but still got no response.
Around 3am I end up going back home and talked it over with my mom, this is when I decide to call the police and report him as a missing person. You don’t actually have to wait 24 hours like the tv would lead you to believe.
Around 5am the cops come to the house and I tell them what’s going on, they do a search of the house just to make sure everything’s good here and as they finish searching my fiancé pulls up.
At this point I’m relieved he is safe but also annoyed that he is seemingly fine and has just ignored me for the last 7 hours.
He tells the cops that while he was buying deodorant he ran into some friends then decided to go to the bar and watch the game with them then went back to their place and hang out and he didn’t realize how late it got because his phone died so he didn’t know anyone was trying to contact him.
The cops left and didn’t end up filing anything since he wasn’t missing anymore.
I don’t understand how he couldn’t send a text before he went to the bar telling me he’d be out for a while and not to wait up? Like did his phone die the instant they asked him to go to the bar?
Did they not have a charger at their house he could have used to charge his phone and send me a text?
He was annoyed that I called the cops and said I was overreacting and he didn’t have to let me know his whereabouts 24/7. Which is true, but I still feel annoyed that I spent all night worrying and neither me, my mom or my sister got much sleep.
I was kind of upset with him all day but mostly tired, this isn’t the first time he’s changed up his schedule to where it affected me without telling me so I should have known not to react that extreme.
I just don’t know anymore if I overacted and if I should apologize and accept the fact that I can’t control everything. So, AITA for reporting him as a missing person?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) experienced severe anxiety and fear after her fiancé disappeared for seven hours following a simple trip to the store, leading her to report him missing. Her actions were driven by worry and a lack of communication from him, creating a conflict between her need for security and his expectation of independent behavior without accountability.
Considering the extreme worry caused by the sudden, unexplained absence versus the fiancé’s right to personal time, was the OP justified in reporting him as a missing person, or did her reaction escalate the situation beyond what was reasonable given the context of their relationship?
Here’s how people reacted:
If a couple are sharing their lives and raising a child together, they do share their general whereabouts 24/7. He knows that. He told you he was going to the store. If he believed he wasn’t expected to let you know where he is 24/7 he would have just walked out the door.
It doesn’t really matter what he was doing for those 7 hours. What matters is what he wasn’t doing. He wasn’t available if you or the child had an emergency. He wasn’t honest. He wasn’t respectful. He wasn’t being a good partner.
Make plans to get out. My money is on the drugs theory. This sounds like the behavior and reasoning of an addict. It was cocaine when my ex disappeared for a night.
Your reaction was perfectly valid, and even if his phone died the minute he left the house, he could still have used a friend’s phone to text you.
You need to stop being upset and confused and start being angry. How DARE he treat you with such contempt and not only expect you to put up with it without a word, but tries to make *you* feel bad about it?!
You do not deserve this treatment, and I doubt it’s the only example of his contempt for you.
You need to have a conversation with him about your concerns. You have VALID concerns. If he argues with you or says you are wrong or overreacting, he is trying to gaslight you and get away with being a single guy that can do what he wants whenever. But he is a dad and a partner and not letting you know where he was, is WRONG.
This is absolutely NOT normal behavior and ANYONE would have gotten worried if their partner went out for DEODORANT and didn’t come back. You’re telling me none of his friends had a charger? Walgreens, Walmart, even GAS STATIONS have car chargers to buy.
Please don’t let this go. Start planning, quietly, NOW. Open a separate bank account. Start moving money over. Be prepared that if he feels like he might get caught he will drain any accounts he is also on.
Also, get tested for STI’s.
He left the house on what should’ve been a 30 minute errand at the top end late at night. You had a reasonable expectation that he would be home within a certain window. Of course, you got worried — that would is an extremely *fair* response, especially if he made no efforts to communicate back.
Literally none of that makes sense.
Cheating, drugs, or crime. Leave this man. He is *lying to you*
He “didn’t know anyone was trying to contact him”?? After he disappeared for hours without a trace? And he’s done similar things before?
I don’t think I could stay with someone who cared so little about me.
It’s NORMAL to let your partner know where you’re going. It’s also NORMAL to worry if your partner is missing for 7 hours. F this guy for making you feel like it’s not.
NTA
You’re NTA.
He’s terribly inconsiderate at best and lying/covering up something at worst. I’d lean towards the latter.